Lame Shit-Post About Acquiring 50000 HP

in #funny8 months ago (edited)

I'm sitting here staring at this fucking thing again, wondering why I simply can't shit out a post.

Must be constiposted again.

Want to know what I hate the most about being constiposted?

No?

What do you mean, "No?"

This is my post.  I make the rules.

So I'm going to write what I wanted to write.

But first you'll need to scroll past this amazingly simple work of art I didn't spend much time working on.

NoNamesLeftToUse  unamed incomplete.png

Did you like that?

No?

Is that my fault or is it because you came to a shit post expecting something better?

That's my art for today.  It doesn't have a name because it's not even finished.

Please don't tell me you came to a shit post and expected me to finish the job.  That's how you ruin a good shit post, you know.

Why are you dressed like that?  Gowns and tuxedos?  You're going to get shit on your gowns and tuxedos.  This isn't the prom for fucksakes.  Nobody is getting married and this isn't a funeral because I already buried those bodies days ago.

No I'm not going to go dig them up.  What's done is done and they were starting to stink.

One of these days one of those seeds will grow into the healthy and fun to be around friend I always wished I had; but I've been saying that for twenty years!

I suck at gardening.

Anyway.  Back to the shit post.  Where were we?

Constiposted!

That word leads to the wrong place now.

Google it!  You'll see why it pisses me off.

Went from a number one hit to a number one shit!

But that's not all.


I keep having that dream where the chunky door-to-door strap-on dildo sales representative forces herself on me.

My ass feels raw and abused just thinking about it.

Those things are massive and there's nothing I can do to stop the onslaught.

Pounding and pounding and pounding!

Pounding and pounding and pounding!

Pounding and pounding and pounding!

It goes on and on and I can't stop her!

Pounding!

Pounding!

And more pounding!

Finally I answer the door and say, "Go away!  I don't want any!"

Then I wake up.


Oh.

I had some big news to share with everyone today.

But I can't remember what the hell I was going to say.

Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png
All content within this blog is 100% organic ACTUAL CONTENT and contains no paid vote additives!

"Just joking around because I thought we could do that.  50000HP locked and loaded."

© 2020 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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Orkon: ENGAGE!

Google it!

I did. The first reference is your post in May 2017 I Think I'm Constiposted.

But then I also discovered a post on Blogger from August 2007.
But the guy has another definition:

That's when you don't post anything for a while and then all kinds of crap gets posted in a short amount of time.

Now, let's talk about the noun that describes the state of a constiposted person.

The 2007 blogger uses the word "constipostion".
In your post of 2017, you used "constpartion".
In a comment on this post, @abh12345 uses the word "constipostation".

It is essential that we agree on a common word.

By the way, I have been constiposted from February to December 2019

I remember being constiposted back then. I also remember Googling back then, discovering I had a number one hit, but realizing I didn't invent it, and failed at being a neologist.

I think I'll go with constipost now. A constipost is the result of pushing while being constiposted and there's a fine example of it here today.

One of these days one of those seeds will grow into the healthy and fun to be around friend I always wished I had; but I've been saying that for twenty years!

This is a bitter-sweet line and a compelling reason to get better at gardening ;)

By the way, your persona (the mask you sound through) reminds me of a monologue I wrote--which was inspired by Dostoevsky's character in Notes from the Underground.

If you've time/interest, here's a link: http://www.thethepoetry.com/2011/03/underground-revisited-by-yahia-lababidi-with-introduction-by-brian-chappell/

Wouldn't it be great if we had a large enough market here to feel confident and see success by publishing work like what you just sent me...

That would have been 100% upvote for sure, and maybe even a tip.

Hey, thanks, for the vote of confidence, Mister & for taking the time to read that :)

And, yes, it would be great if such a thing were to happen to our community, one day..

Sending good cheer back your way!

That's one of those twisted jokes where if one truly pays attention, they'll discover this character has been dealing with bodies for twenty years. That's a lot. You'd think one would eventually grow though! I've been using the right fertilizer! ...I could go on for days...

That persona might, sure. I use many. You knew that though. I will check that link out when I have moment. Thanks!

I'm paying attention, I hear ya :)

Congrats on 50,000! Btw today’s art would look cool on a motorcycle tank top.

Thanks man.

So the art today started out like a lot of my other work when I'm building a face up to eventually look like a face. As is, I thought it looked cool, though I did spray on a bit more virtual paint, some shading here and there, little bit of what I'd call polishing which helps blend the colors. Just a fun piece really.

When it comes to decals and stuff like that for a bike, I can make pretty much anything with the right templates.

50000 will serve you well in the consumer rewards department.

I don't know the cure for constipostation but you could ask around. (Just reporting on someone who shat 158 out in April, prolific!)

Yeah. That's exciting, or something, right?

Only 158 though? Are you sure you counted right? That sounds low.

I am excited for you!

Low? That's my yearly output in turds & posts!

I await from someone, the 'what is the difference' comment :)

I wanted to be excited. What's the amount required to be orca?

I'm not sure of the exact figure, @tarazkp may be able to enlighten us on how it's calculated.

I should ask him to write a few posts about it.

Master of Tasks could be the better choice :)

I think you need to reach a hundred gabillion Vests

https://hiveblocks.com/@nonameslefttouse

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So another 500 HP?

I guess it'll be a little while then.

always wipe front to back after shitposting

That's good advice. I should add it to the shit post.

thanks, I've got your back bro, or should I say backside?

Please stop touching me there.

Yay for big number!

I like the unfinished bird/skull/candle flame/thing XP

Wait did you say gowns and tuxedos? Crap where am I? I don't belong anywhere involving gowns and tuxedos! HALP.

You'll probably remember the big news right after you hit post and then you will have to write it down so you remember when you're making another post ;D

Why yes, I did say gowns and tuxedos. I think I know why now. It was because of the news. Everyone came dressed up for the big event... but I forgot what it was.

Something about a number...

Writers have the right to write
Readers have the right to read
At the end they all have choices.
So that is not a shot post

I was writing jokes on the fly. Nothing here is serious. Even the art took more time than I care to admit, but it is a simple piece, and I like it.

likwid really loves you for it

I liked this digital artwork.

Something simple and easy on the eyes today.

i like this digital art work @nonamelefttouse

I was hoping people would see through the twisted humor here and enjoy the art even though I downplayed it. I like it as well. Thank you.