ARE YOU WHO YOU WANT TO BE?

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It never ceases to annoy me that People define success by a job. Or your car. Or your holiday destination. Who - apart from the mysterious they (who have so much to say) - ever got to be an authority deciding that a person's happiness is limited to, and defined by, their career? How does our manner of making an income epitomize who we are? How we think? Feel? Believe? Live? How do we not allow the box the world creates for us to contain and define us?

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Throughout my life I was always treated like the black sheep of the family. It never bothered me. It probably defined me. I like being different. Actually - I love being different. I love not fitting the mold. I have always questioned everything. And I have never gone along with the crowd. Truth defines me. And when really pondering on what matters; Are you who you want to be? What has driven you? My mind has been rolling through milestones and memories of my life like a scurry through a maze. It quickly finds home - unlike my real scurry through an English maze many many years ago.

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Am I who I want to be? While I certainly am not what I ever imagined I would be......I love being exactly who I was created to be. I love all that defines me. Has the journey thus far been easy? By no means. Like most of us it has been filled with heartbreak, danger, bad choices (and the consequences thereof). Ultimately it is more than I could ever have dreamed possible. And at the centre; my Home and true North.

Growing up I wanted to be a photographic journalist. Of course, I didn't want to report on just anything. I wanted to be on the frontlines of the action! Part of my reasoning was probably influenced by the fact that I thought I'd begin my adult life in the armed forces. Airforce or navy. It didn't really matter. The rest of my life, so my child logic went, I would be a famous photographic journalist. I read a lot. I had - I have - a vivid imagination. Forget ordinary! Normal. Mundane - is not me. As a child I was already convinced that a career would not define me. It was something I would do because I loved it. Writing. Art. Photography. Truth - telling the truth of the situation; exactly as it is, through word and picture. What I really wanted to be was a wife and mother. A mother of a lot of children. I had decided on 10 children. It was mapped out in my child's mind and was simply a matter of growing up .... and .... then .... IT WOULD HAPPEN!!!

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But it didn't. At least not as I imagined. Or when I imagined. Divorce was part of my childhood. My parents and many around me. My brother and I rattled back and forth between parents. Between cities. Between homes. Between schools. It must've unsettled me but it also prepared me for change and for loss. Once I left school and home I began my international travels. Fleeing home, back then, was more of a necessity than realizing the dream of becoming a journalist. I lived and worked in many countries. I sampled culture and cuisine. And I loved it! Like every mouthful of a delightful meal, each day, each adventure, each bittersweet experience grew my world view and understanding. Both of reality and myself. I eventually married much later in life than I had expected. He was perfect for me. But he could not have children and early in our marriage cancer took him from me. My dreams were shattered. My hope was not.

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As is my nature I did not linger long in one place, physically or mentally. To help cope with my broken heart and sense of abandonment I moved - from one end of the country to the other. It involved closing my health restaurant and moving to a part of the country that I had never been. It was as far from society as possible. It was also as different to the life I had lived thus far. I found the perfect country home. Like Kintsukuroi pottery I took a couple years to not feel irrepairably shattered. I grew my herb garden, hiked the semi desert mountains and painted.

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Then it happened!! In an incredible whirlwind of unlikely events that could only be orchestrated by the Heavenly Hand a match was made in Heaven. For both of us it was a new beginning that we never expected. We are as similar as the proverbial peas in a pod. He is more perfect for me than I could've ever imagined for myself. After all not even I could've chosen to give myself a goat as a wedding gift! Many of you know; I am slightly goatie obsessed..... Although FarmerBuckaroo often teases that my goats get more attention than he does, it feels like I truly am the rib taken from his side. After a decade my Hubby still sweeps me off my feet. As far from young parents our little ones are truly the cherry on the top! He is my greatest earthly blessing and thanks to my Husband, I am finally who I am destined to be and where I am destined to be! HalleluYah!!

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So thank you to @ladiesofhive for the thought provoking questions and @farm-mom for the invite. It was hard choosing another lovely lady to invite. There are so many here and I would love to read the questions answered by @crosheille and @dswigle. But, considering your own bittersweet journey @goldenoakfarm how would you answer one of the questions:

  1. Are you who you want to be?
  2. How have you improved as a result of experience over the years?

I guess I've answered all of them? While I may write often about my beautiful goats my passion is my Buckaroo Family. They motivate and inspire me. All thanks and praise to my Father for the life He has blessed me with. All glory to Him Who leads me through the valley of the shadow of death to dance on the high mountains.

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 2 years ago  

I have been aware of some of your journeys, through your writings, comments, and reading between the lines. Aren't those the best stories? :)

I think everyone has that special dream of what sounds like a perfect life, but, very few achieve it, thankfully, in my opinion, as perfection is totally overrated. You had some incredible experiences that molded you into who you are, made you ready for the life you lead and even your first love was an anchor for you, or sorts, so you wouldn't up and give in to that wanderlust.

I often find that perfection looks nothing like I thought it would, but, feels better than I ever imagined. That is how I feel about your life. While it would be a hardship for some, working together, raising your family that is consistent with your beliefs, and making the world a better place, one homestead at a time - I love how you embrace life and love.

You are truly one of a kind, my friend. The best kind. ❤️

Thank you Denise. And yes. Perfection is overrated and unachievable! But so often we miss what is perfect for us individually because we are trying to achieve someone else's perfection OR our own interpretation of perfect.

Thank you that you always have just the right comments. You also seem to have a better understanding of people than most realize. You are such an asset here on Hive. BIG HUG

I would be so delighted and ecstatic if before leaving this earth I could actually meet up with you two in real life; @buckaroobaby @dswigle and have an unforgettable weekend of fellowship. I love you both and all that you are and what you bring to the lives of those that read you ~ 💓

AAAAAAAAH!! Don't make me cry. Big HUG to you to sweet lady

😂😂😂😭😭😭 So sorry. I done made myself cry just thinking about it! 🤣🤣🤣

🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️- HUGS back at ya ~

 2 years ago (edited) 

Shut up!!!!! (Can I say that?) 😇 Oh, how sweet are you? ((hugs)) to you!!

You are so full of love, my friend. Absolutely! ❤️

🤣🤣🤣 Oh that was so hilarious!! 😜

Hugs to you as well ~ 🤗❤️

 2 years ago  

So very true! I have never been perfect, and have never been bothered by that fact. It would be impossible to live up to.

Thank you, truly, for being such a kind and loving soul, delightfully happy in what He has given you to work with. You have no time to do half of what you need to do and yet, you still come and support me.

Bless you, my lovely friend.

BTW... If I find where I can buy some time, I'm cashing in some Hive and buy us some. I need some and if you don't get some soon, well, let's just say that we both need a little, you more than me. Oh, somebody? Do you know where we can buy some time?

But you are perfectly who you need to be!

Sorry for my delayed reply. It is hectic on the homestead with my oven retiring. We took out the camping stove for general foods but I'm rather frustrated without the oven. Mr Wonderful is coming up with an ingenious alternative plan....watch this space!

 2 years ago  

There are so many here and I would love to read the questions answered by @crosheille and @dswigle.

I will truly try to answer these... as soon as MF is over! :)

Hey there my friend, it is amazing to see you open a bit of yourself up in the post, funny thing is when I was reading the heading of your post, my first thoughts were:
"Am I who I want to be? While I certainly am not what I ever imagined I would be......I love being exactly who I was created to be. " and as I carried on reading there it was, as if transcripted from my thoughts.

Life often throws us with unexpected hardships, and though I was very sorry to read about your hardships, I must say, that I am gratefull for the person that ended up coming out of it all, the person that I met on here as a strong amazing woman, who always has kindness, love and a creative thought to share. Thank you for being who you are and I am blessed to know you!

ON A SIDE NOTE - I am busy prepping a camp, and as soon as I am ready.... I will find some goats again :D

#gettingthere

Hey back at you! Had a hectic weekend so only getting to answer now. I'm excited with you about the new camp...goats or not. Although I know how much work that is. Thank you for your sweet words. Hope you are strong on that side of the country....

Always a pleasure.
I am keeping strong... even if it is just by the sheer force of strong coffee :D

Yeah for strong coffee!

It sounds like it may have taken you some time to find your nitch and the perfect partner, but you've got it going on now.
The blemishes in one's life pave the roads we will travel in the future, and it's those experiences that define us later on in life.
Not marching to the same drummer, in today's crazy world, is an accomplishment.

At one point in your life, you wanted to have 10 children, now that's real old school.
Many years ago, people thought that we were nuts for having four kids. If it were not for the monetary strains of having four children, we would have had at least 6 kids.

There is a line from my favorite piece of poetry, Desiderata by Max Ehrman,

"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

Living with what you have and being thankful for it, is a major key to happiness, that many don't realize.

Your lifestyle is to be admired, at least by me.

Your quote is so true! I think many people are disappointed with their lives because they compare themselves to others or allow others to dictate who they are. So sad

Very sad!

This was very touching, thanks for sharing your story with us, I love happy endings, though I am not naïve that the journey must have been pretty hard to be where you are now, Hahah the goats seem to be the true love of the story though 😁

Happy hiking and life loving!

A journey of experiences, places, emotions, well life!

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this, happy that you found someone to keep you loved/grounded.

BTQ: Dog is gorgeous, so share something about him looking after the children, sure there is another story wrapped up there.

Reminder @buckaroobaby will you kindly cross post this into #ladiesofhive to share.

Thank you. We had to say goodbye to her recently. But, yes, many stories around our Dana.

Thanks for the reminder. One reason I took so long to post is because I couldn't get into the #ladiesofhive community. No idea why. Although I've had quite a few internet glitches this week.

You love goats, I love big dogs this caught my eye immediately, sorry she has gone on! Between loadshedding and other mayhem I too am running square circles on the best of days, with young ones and farm life no easy feat!

Have an awesome weekend!

Thank you for your understanding Joan! Here is my (Great Dan)a. She was such an amazing girl. I have thousands of photos. Many with her interacting with different animals. And of course plenty with the children. They all love her. Everyone loved her. Except the bad guys. She saved my hubby's life once

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She is absolutely gorgeous, we shared part of our lives with Great Dane Harley....

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I had a neighbour commissioned to do oil paint portraits all my dogs over the years, gentle giant never allowing anyone to come up too close to me. Prior we had a Great Dane/Rhodesian Ridgeback another absolute darling.

What a lovely portrait Joan! That's a special idea. Great Dane's a really a very special dog. We really miss our girl. So do a lot of our other animals. We now have a Rhodesian Ridgeback. He is sweet. But it's not the same

Oh boy! None are ever the same not even similar.

Get a pair and they are absolute magic 😉 Jodi on the left with squinty eyes two years younger than Rex my big boy.

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Over the years I have seldom not had a furry best friend live with me.

Manually curated by EwkaW from the @qurator Team. Keep up the good work!

Thank you @qurator and @ewkaw!

My pleasure :)

I got to know you a little more
Yes, I know you love them goats hehe

I can relate to not wanting to be like the rest, to dance to your own beat of the drums

But I am so happy you shared your story <33

I guess my love of goats is a little obvious ;)

This was such a beautiful piece @buckaroobaby!

Your life is truly a testimony about what it looks like not to give up and not to let go of hope. It’s amazing how we look back on our lives and then look at where we are today and think about all the directions, turns and twists it took to get here.

It’s a beautiful thing to know who you are and not to be afraid of speaking truth (I feel many lack this today). So many feel as failures and are disappointed in themselves due to how they define themselves and what they define themselves in. Things like careers, material possessions and social status are not a constant and change like the wind.

Thank the Lord you are just where you’re supposed to be and with the one you were destined to be with. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and blessed life, it’s inspiring and hopeful.

All thanks and praise to my Father for the life He has blessed me with. All glory to Him Who leads me through the valley of the shadow of death to dance on the high mountains.

Amen and Amen!! 🙏🏽🙌🏽

Thank you for the tag, I’m going to try to make time to answer these important questions ~ 😊

And by the time I'm getting to reply to you I've already seen your answering post! You're fast Lady!!! Been hectic on the homestead. My oven retired so I'm scrambling for alternate ways of cooking. We are using our camping stove for stove top food but it's not ideal.

Your words are so sweet and understanding. Thank you for always putting effort into your replies

Oh no! The same thing just happened to my parents’ oven and my mom has been switching off at our (my siblings and I) homes to do all of her baking. I'm glad you at least have a solution for now.

Of course. I really try to listen and understand everything I'm reading before commenting. Thanks for noticing ~ ❤️🤗

Hey there my friend, it is amazing to see you open a bit of yourself up in the post, funny thing is when I was reading the heading of your post, my first thoughts were:
"Am I who I want to be? While I certainly am not what I ever imagined I would be......I love being exactly who I was created to be. " and as I carried on reading there it was, as if transcripted from my thoughts.

Life often throws us with unexpected hardships, and though I was very sorry to read about your hardships, I must say, that I am gratefull for the person that ended up coming out of it all, the person that I met on here as a strong amazing woman, who always has kindness, love and a creative thought to share. Thank you for being who you are and I am blessed to know you!

ON A SIDE NOTE - I am busy prepping a camp, and as soon as I am ready.... I will find some goats again :D

#gettingthere

I have always been who I want to be. My sister says I was always the way I am, since very small. I was one of the "different" ones in school, and went out of my way to emphasize that. A loner, just 1 or 2 good friends. That didn't change even after I met my husband.

Still a loner, still very few good friends. Still doing, more or less, what I want with my life, though on my own now, which I hate. Wondering what life will bring, once this house is done....

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Well done on staying true to yourself!
I am very much the same, black sheep, never felt I fit into the world. It is good to see there are more of us like this as life gets very lonely. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with who I am and the strenght I have that keeps me motivated and continue following my path and not others and I will remain this way as it's who I am, but I am glad you found your special someone who fits so well into your life.

People are trying to find purpose like you said with their career, new cars, etc...or following the so called normal life (must get married and have kids by this time etc..). All these rules what life should be. But then I feel like most people begin to get confused as to why they aren't happy - midlife crisis. Because they don't look within and find their true self. They spend their whole life wearing a mask and trying to be someone else.

I rather be alone and know who I am and do things the way I feel are right and spend time with those who relate and understand - the right people will find their way to you and stay there.

All the best, thanks for sharing :)

Yup! Better to be alone and yourself than in a crowd that are trying to contain you in the box of their own understanding. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply @wanderingkat

I'm not sure why people always feel the need to shoe horn kids into a mould, every one is different and they should be accepted as such.

Seems like you had your share of pain during your life but what really matters is where you are now and the amazing journey that you've had.

Exactly! Ultimately mine has been an amazing journey

What special writing and thank you for sharing your story. I am very touched. It is amazing how life takes us to the right place, not in the way we chose. You are indeed a very good writer, looking forward to read more of your blog.

Thank you so much for your sweet comment and taking the time to read my post!