Basics of Happiness: Getting Your Needs Met Means Truly Knowing WHAT You Want!

in Silver Bloggers2 months ago

I was tidying up some very old paperwork earlier today, and came across some notebooks dating back to a time in my life when would regularly attend a wide variety of spiritual and self-development workshops and retreats.


At the time, it all seemed very important, and the basic premise was basically one of "finding yourself" and living life with a high degree of consciousness and awareness.

In some ways, I suppose it was the very early versions of todays "Woke" movement, except without as much self-inflated puffery and arrogant importance.

Mostly, the lessons I learned revolved around becoming more adept at responding to people and situations, as opposed to reacting to them, and then regretting the consequences of those reactions.

In truth, it was never that much of a stretch for me... I enjoyed these retreats because it was one of the few places I seemed to encounter like-kind individuals — something that really wasn't the case in the cutthroat IT industry.


Building the Life We TRULY Want...

One of the things that always made sense to me was the premise that in order to know what we truly want we first have to know who we truly ARE. Without that, chances are that the way we interpret "happiness" and what we want turn out to be little more than a strange caricature of various things that have passed in front of us as "desirable" and "successful," either on TV or in our immediate environment.

So often, it turns out to hold true that what we think will make us happy isn't actually what will make us happy.

So-called "Hollywood Happiness" often presents a powerful image, but bears little resemblance to any kind of reality. It is, in fact, a caricature.


Self-Discovery — Invariably — Brings Change!

When it comes to the whole issue of "knowing yourself," the vast majority of the world doesn't go into much depth. In fact, we barely scratch the surface. There's a huge difference between reading a couple of self-help books, and immersing yourself in the process of rigorous self-inquiry for decade.

Of course, the most frequently asked question is "What's the POINT of all that?"

The "point" varies enormously from person to person. It relates to just how important finding a truly content way to life IS, to you.

Lot's of people don't actually care. Or — quite commonly — they don't start caring till they reach their 50's or 60's... hence, most of the people at the retreats I attended were typically 20+ years my senior... it was not that uncommon for me to be the youngest person there, in my early 30's.


But back to change.

Self-discovery brings change because we get to discover that choices have consequences!

That is, we get to discover that when we unearth our "true selves," they may actually be a piss poor match for the life we had previously chosen for ourselves as "what seems right."

Not only might we find ourselves rotating out of thought patterns and actions and choices that no longer fit us, but we're likely to discover that we'll also end up radically changing "the crowd we run with" because many of our ostensible "friends" suddenly feel jarringly incompatible with our interests.

And you might even discover — as I did — that your primary relationship is suddenly "not all that," anymore. "Values changes" are not easy to navigate.


Cultish Bullshit?

Some people — often those who are generally opposed to questioning stereotypical models of life and happiness — might say that we have been possessed by "cultish" behaviors.

But is that really true?

Or is a better metaphor for such life changes that of the floor in an old house: There's "trendy" wall-to-wall carpeting everywhere, put in because it was the "modern and popular" thing to do... but when we remove all that decoration, we reveal beautiful old solid oak hardwood floors that were there LONG before the carpeting?

But we would never know that oak floor is there, unless we were willing to pull out the carpet!

Hardly "cultish bullshit," even if it does question the norm.


Getting Our Needs Met

Getting our true needs met is pretty contingent on taking the time to really identify those needs, and that comes via really knowing yourself, not just the public facade developed as a "fence" between ourselves and the outer world.

And it's not a journey for everyone; lots of people are perfectly content to "roam around in the shallows" and never consider what could be. And there's nothing wrong with that... unless you feel a small nagging voice periodically pondering "What the hay? Is this REALLY all there is?"

If that question arises a lot, chances are your needs are not being met, on some level...

Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!

How about you? Did you ever spend much time with self-growth, workshops, retreats and such? Do you fully understand and identify your needs? Or does it often feel more like trial-and-error guesswork? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!


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Created at 20220810 00:40 PDT



I've definitely spent a lot of time in such self enquiry, though I have oodles of friends my age who also are on this path. But was it so back when you started such a journey? Probably not. I think you paved the way for the rest of us.

Am I still surrounded by many people who appear totally (and somewhat "happily") asleep? Hell yes. Does it drive me nuts? Hell yes. Am I aware that it drives me nuts and that's just my own internal reaction to them being the best version of them they know how to be right now? Haha. Hell yes. !LOL

Still, my desire to know my (true) self better and better continues. Endlessly. Every day. Though these days I remember to stare at the trees and appreciate the birds calling to each other and the feeling of the warmth of the sun on my skin a little more often than I did say 5 years ago.

But the up side of such relentless dedication to my own "self growth" (or is it unlearning all the bullsh*t that is not me?) is that I'm clearer than ever about what I really want and what makes me happy. I do still lose this clarity regularly, but the picture comes into sharper focus more often and more clearly than ever before.

I really want to buy one of those grocery checkout dividers
But the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.

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 2 months ago  

Seems they learn everything they need to be woke in the University nowadays. But, perhaps they always did, and I wasn't paying attention.

I am at a good place now, it takes time and patience, and a bit of getting to know you to get there.

Hi, @denmarkguy

Felicidades su publicación ha Sido elegida entre las mejores del día.



I sometimes wonder whether the stereotypical "midlife crisis" is on some level a grasp at trying to fill those unmet needs, all too often manifesting as consumerism due to the absence of real self-examination.

Dude.... it took me 51 years to even figure out who I am :)

And if I'd done it sooner well... who knows where I'd be right now.

It's a worthwhile investment if done correctly. Because real authenticity can be (mostly is) a brutally painful shedding of a great deal.

Having said that... I don't believe a truly joyful, peaceful and content life is possible without it <3

I’d like to take on a self-discovery journey (figuratively). As you so masterfully said, you can’t achieve something if you aren’t aware of what it is.