Parents-children relationship can be challenging but there are ways to rekindle the relationship with our family. It took a bit of time and patience but in the end it’s really worth it. My parents and I used to have a communication problem until I decided to work on it. It’s never 100% perfect but everyday is a constant learning for both of us. When I started communicating with my parents, I started learning that they still see me as a child who needs help in everything they do and as if I didn’t know better about life. Knowing where they are coming from, I decided to work on convincing my parents that I am no longer a child, I am a mature adult capable of having responsibilities and bearing the consequences of everything I do. I am no longer under them but an equal human being. They should also treat me with respect and I should do the same. When I first started rekindling my relationship with my mom, we had many coffee dates and chatted over coffee to talk about life, memories and perhaps important matters.Now that activity is something we do at least once a month where we check on each other about how we feel and what we aspire to in our life. That is one of the ways that I learned about communicating with parents. At the same time,When I first posted in this community, I wanted to share my experience dealing with multiple sets of parents. I may not be a professionally certified family counselor but life taught me a thing or two as a child who was adopted, dealing with multiple parents as an adult and growing up surrounded by it. Parents have their own parenting style and it has been quite a ride dealing with each one of them.Having to experience those, one thing I am great at is adaptability where I can match the people I am dealing and talking with.
By having different parents, it also has been an interesting experience as the things I do with my mom would not work with other moms I have. If you have a nasty stepmother, bonding over a coffee chat isn’t going to be enough. The way I dealt with my step mother requires a bit of work. I sort of switch to my other personalities when I am around her and being even nastier because that’s just the way she chooses to communicate. And of course, though we aren’t close, at least we managed to rekindle our relationship through satirical conversation and cynicism. It isn’t healthy but the relationship I have with her has even been better than in the past where she sort of bullies me and I could not communicate with her. Now, I found her way to communicate and we are 100% fine.
However, sometimes in life you find an irreparable relationship like the one I have with my biological mother. As much as I admire her as a woman, communicating with her has been a challenge even more so because I see myself in her and I know damn well that trying to squeeze out information from a closed-off person is a challenge. And when a relationship is only transactional, it’s also a challenge until at one point I started talking the way she does and we also got along pretty well, temporarily. I did the coffee dates and the thing I do with my first mom but that also did not work well. In the end though, I decided to move on from that relationship and from her, I learned that the word “mom” is a title that’s earned and not given.
When my mom and I were talking, it was raining outside and it set even more of a mood to talk about memories. We talked about how we struggled in the past but also the good things that we did last year. Recently, my mom is going out again and I am very happy for her. She started meeting her friends again and from there I got to listen to many stories. It’s funny to listen to her stories because despite their old age, — boomers as I say it, have their own type of drama that’s popcorn worthy. It has been something so worthy of my time when I hang out around old people, they have fun stories and lessons you can learn from. Like with my mom, I know she can be harsh when it comes to my cooking and everything in my life but as I get older, I simply ignore it when it gets annoying. I think she just wants the best for me and that’s how she encourages it like typical asian moms out there. Otherwise, our relationship has been amicable and we have each other especially when the going gets tough. For all I know, relationships with parents can be challenging but sometimes when we commit to working towards bettering it, things certainly will improve. I certainly recommend going out with your parents, trying bonding and learning where they come from. You’d be surprised to learn many things and sometimes resentment comes because we fail to communicate our needs and wants.
|𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰.|
I might sound like an old person talking to a young person but I mean to pay you a compliment: "You're very wise for your age."
Love this personal story and life lesson.
I don't think I am that wise but I just learned plenty of things in life through the difficult way😅. It's not that fun but worth it.
hahaha! I get it and can very much relate to that. I also was 'wise' at a very young age, which made life far from easy for me.
Yes dear some relationship are irreplaceable and the bond we have with family is something strong to the point we can't explain
That's very true! in the end you realize that family is all that matters.
And I missed mom reading this . I wish I could have quality time with her soon too. Your photos are great btw. It's so good to have a cup of coffee nowadays since it's too cold here.
Are you planning to visit your mom anytime sooner ? it'd be awesome if you could share stories with her and have a cup of tea/coffee while talking about life!
I admire you for being a family-oriented person. I was inspired while I'm reading your title, quality time with mom. I hope all people value their moms as much as you do
I wasn't a family-oriented but I just happen to want to understand my family and as I grow old, they're the most reliable people that I can count on when I have trouble. I hope you have a good relationship with your mom too!
Yes, you can count on your family when you're at the lowest point of your life. ☺️
I have a very good relationship with my mom, like you. ☺️
That's so great to hear!