GETTING READY TO SAY GOODBYE

A funeral is usually and for us tomorrow a sad affair, even when it’s somebody’s time or a selfmade choice. We lost a loved one and with her passing a piece of us is gone forever. You are always surrounded by greef. On the evening before we say goodbye I am getting all arranged for the six family members in my family. It’s always a thing people thing different about but I come from a traditional family. So black it is for me and my daughter and all the boys and hubby in a suit. It is appropriate to always think carefully about the clothes you wear to a cremation or funeral.

Nowadays, jeans often pop up on these kinds of occasions. Not my cup of tea. For us it is still a choice to say goodbye in neat, dark and less conspicuous clothing. Think of dark gray, dark blue or black. When choosing, it is very important to look carefully at what maybe is on the invitation. It is not very common, but if a dress code is stated here, it is mandatory to dress accordingly, when paying last respects.

A funeral is a neat affair. Black or dark clothing is a sign of mourning. Show that you have chosen an outfit with care. Wear proper shoes. Avoid bright colors and cheerful prints and in a church setting wear a hat.

The dreathful Do's & don'ts

Ladies who want to go traditional can opt for a black dress or black office suit. Will the funeral take place in the summer? Then a neat black cocktail dress is also possible. LI had a dress with short leaves but 8 hours before the weather in Rotterdam is expected to be Very wet.

Make sure that the dress is not too short and does not have a deep V-neck. You don’t want to attract the wrong attention. Sorry @jamerussell no Rita’s.

Would you like to be smartly dressed, but not overdressed? Then choose nice black pants and a neat blouse. Use black, white, gray or another neat basic color for the colors. A nice jumpsuit is also an option.

I read a pice online in TRouw and had some smiles reading it. I do want to share some pieces here.

What do you wear to a funeral? "You go to a funeral as sexless and selfless as possible"

Fashion journalist Els is amazed at the clothes people wear on to a funeral. You don't always have to wear a suit and tie, but a brightly colored crop top? Suddenly I am in the phase of life where I visit a funeral more often than I go on a maternity visit. And I notice that some of the attendees' outfits at such a final farewell ceremony look rather, shall we say, "surprising". For example, a full-bodied 18-year-old granddaughter gives a grandmother remembrance speech in an elaborately patterned belly button sweater, with a bare belly full of the screen protruding above her too-tight jeans. A befriended couple in holiday outfit is already wearing the mountain boots "because we will soon continue to the campsite". A neighbor apparently comes straight from his mechanics in spotted jeans and ditto shirt with a screaming company logo, and an aunt appears in a colorful ruffle blouse that wouldn't look out of place at a flamenco workshop. Growing up with the idea that you dress restrained for a funeral and show respect with that, I often feel out of place in my carefully chosen unobtrusive dark clothes. Why is clothing so carelessly messed about at funerals? In the past, etiquette rules regarding mourning clothes were quite strict. The standard work "How should it actually be" by Amy Groskamp-Ten Have provided support and clarity from the first edition (1939): "Mourning clothing should be distinguished by austerity. Simplicity and austere lines are in order here. "Pearls are allowed because they resemble tears, but wearing gold and jewels is out of the question.

Browsing through later etiquette books, the attention for mourning clothing fades from the mid-1960s and eventually even disappears altogether. So we have actually been without something to hold on to for half a century. Perhaps that explains the apparently ill-considered clothing choices?

A funeral director sees this differently. “These days, such a farewell is often more about the inside than the outside. Clothing is therefore no longer so important. If there is already a "new etiquette" then it is especially important to come "as yourself". Well-cared for, maybe a bit neater than usual, but no more than that. ” Well, what is meant by "cared for" is of course very person-dependent. Valk emphasizes that it is more important that people are present than how they dress. "Even though they are on their way to the campsite, they still take the trouble to go to the funeral first."

Wedding announcements often include a dress code for guests. This hardly occurs on mourning cards, according to Valk. “Occasionally there is a dress hint such as 'loved cheerful colors' or it literally says 'come as yourself'.” It also feels uncomfortable if you appear overdressed - wearing a suit and tie while the others come in shorts. Funeral home websites have been giving the same directions for years. Black clothing is not necessary, but subdued colors are recommended. There are plenty of obvious tips such as avoiding lavish jewelry and make-up, flip-flops or worn-out footwear, and wearing jeans and sneakers is generally discouraged.

Recommended are waterproof mascara and for men "rather a nice shirt over casual pants than the other way around". I saw another form of appropriate dressing with a friend I only know in pants. She stood next to her mother's coffin in a neat black skirt and declared, "Mommy would have appreciated this."

As sexless as possible. The 2006 style guide "The Blue Book - Dress Code, The Right Dress for the Right Time" was by no means a topic of funeral dress. Author Roel Wolbrink only casually points to a few less essential points of attention: rubber soles are possible, provided bad weather is expected; don't look at your watch; do not wear awards. That's about it. No clear instructions or do's and don'ts. But times seem to be changing. A Stylist who can count well-known Dutch people such as Carice van Houten among her clientele, notes that we are completely adrift in this area, published last autumn. She is a committed adherent to traditional rules.

She tries to bring order to the chaos again in an imperious tone. "You go to a funeral as sexless and selfless as possible. You put on something that belongs to the ritual. Bare arms, deep neckline, super tight dress: all not done. The memory of the deceased is central. And you shouldn't attract attention with some exorbitant outfit or exciting fishnet stockings. Just don't do that. "

Celebrating life
This fashion police reprimand relies heavily on the "how things work" tradition and is diametrically opposed to the now widely established "come as yourself" movement. Would it herald a change in thinking about funeral clothing? For the time being, Koldenhof still seems a bit of a shout-out in the desert and we have to do without an unambiguous modern mourning dress etiquette.

The last funeral I attended belonged to a dear peer who had suffered a debilitating illness. The meeting focused on both "mourning" and "celebrating life." And suddenly I understood there that sometimes it really doesn't matter what you wear. Both clothing styles suddenly seemed appropriate. Maybe I'll put on a bright blouse for the next funeral. To celebrate life with other relatives.

https://www.trouw.nl/nieuws/wat-trek-je-aan-naar-een-uitvaart-naar-een-begrafenis-ga-je-zo-seks-en-egoloos-mogelijk~b493006f/

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Date : 9 April 2021