Abundance Tribe this week asks:
If There was one message that you could get across to a large group of people. What would your message be and Who would those people be ?
This week I've been thinking a lot about 'enoughness'. When we believe we aren't enough, we work tirelessly toward what we are told is better: whiter, prettier, younger, richer. And if we are judging ourselves like this, then we are sure as hell doing it to others.
And if others are 'less than' then that gives us reason to disenfranchise, belittle, ignore, separate ourselves. The entire capitalist model is built in YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. Because if we didn't feel the need to better ourselves, why would we buy in to what they are selling?
I listened to a great podcast a while back on radical self love - for the life of me I can't find it - and the speaker was talking about how self love is a radical act because it came from a position of being enough, despite where society attempts to position your body, sex, social standing, rank, colour and so on. When we love ourselves, and, by extension, others, it's a radical act because it refuses to participate in the institutionalised madness of a capitalistic ladder that keeps those in power, powerful.
Yes, I'm good enough even though I don't have a huge house on the coast Yes, I'm good enough even though I'm nearly 50 and menopausal - unyoung, unpure, unthin. Yes, I'm good enough even though I don't have the yoga body on the cover of a magazine where a bikini clad babe bends backwards on a Balinese beach. Yes, I'm good enough even though I don't want to work a career for some kind of stiletto'd success. Yes, I'm good enough because I only had one child. Yes, I'm good enough even though I don't wear makeup, drive a new car, have a million dollar ring on my finger. Yes, I'm good enough even though I was a single mum, child out of wedlock. Yes, I'm good enough even though the trauma that has been placed on my woman's body happened because I live in a world where men think that that is okay, or society does not support men to be better because they don't need to be by virtue of their maleness.
And that's just my rage against the machine. I'm not black or disabled or both, or a woman of colour with a disability, which is just about a hard an apology as you can be given.
Image Source
There's a lot decidely yogic about this idea of 'enoughness' - it fits with everything I've learnt. There's no difference, only oneness - it's only our discriminating minds that have made this reality so, manifested the world we live in. Our heart of hearts is pure love - there is no need for 'acceptance' when we simply are. There's no 'not enough' - simply is-ness - a beautiful, vibrating, achingly vital beingness that defies all attempts to make it something that can be profitted from, downtrodden, abused, ignored, used, sold, belittled, judged.
There's so much to say and expand upon with this response.
But I think I'd rather do a poem.
Hey you, the girl who wakes up next to a man,
Who, in simmering unspent rage said last night:
At you going out like that?
And you apologised.
Changed your heels.
Tugged on a different skirt, jacket, colour of your lips.
Get up and leave now, kiss him goodbye.
You are not an apology.
You, with the stretch marks silver and purple on your beautiful belly
And your breasts that fall just right, because they are yours, and nourish children -
And you, silver haired crone, with the limp still from falling off a horse when you were 12,
And the scar on your face from when you drove into a tree drunk when he left you for the one with no scars yet,
Who could not look in the mirror -
Butterfly sparkles were dusted with shame
Like you, not enough.
And the you who wanted to be a - doesn't matter - lawyer, landowner?
Looked at the ladder and couldn't even put a foot on the top rung
Kept ... slipping.
They will find you one day, having given up
But you are enough -
As were you, who, crippled limbs,
Let the boy inside you because it was hard enough to be wanted
But
You
Still
Apologised
Just for being beautifully, magically, extraordinarily, more than
Enough.
With Love,
https://gateway.ipfs.io/ipfs/QmcGSZxvsXD8YbSCNAo6KWc4a9RjXyRCjWupZdPXJapkXk
CommunityIIDiscord
Supporting Meditators on HIVE
Many in the capitalist model may well play this to their advantage, but we risk trying to find something to blame for our feelings of not enoughness, when it's a built in part of us with our need for acceptance and inclusion, the social creatures that we are. It starts as children, before they even know the desire to have "stuff" and hits us hard when we reach our teens. Then it takes years and years to figure out that we overcome it by realising we don't need to prove ourselves to the world and we can slowly start to accept ourselves for who we are.
So true! I think it's so hard as teens to identify what we need and it gets confounded with all those messages outside of us. I wouldn't go back there for quids!
This is a very powerful message, thank you for sharing it. As a woman, you have unique insight on how patriarchy makes us all feel inadequate to fit the equasion. From my perspective, if men felt deeply like they were enough, we wouldn't feel the need to control women.
I want to break free from this control and to celebrate the power of women.
What can I say? Self love is important, we live in a world of body shaming, people have this opinion or assertions and it's often Very difficult to see beyond people's opinions which brings an inferiority complex. This post often reminds me of how I tended to move past the body shaming I experienced while I was younger.
Life can be brutal, can't it - and we live with so much shame! I didn't even talk about shame in this post but we all carry it for not being enough, but the truth is we are such incredible beings! why should we carry shame for who we are? thanks so much for your beautiful comment, gorgeous you!
!ENGAGE 25
You're welcome, we shouldn't. It's imperative to see that deep down we're beautiful beings despite any sort of opinion from people that states otherwise.
Absolutely - and we have to practice it all the time! Or I do anyway. Sometimes our default mode is self criticism.
ENGAGEtokens.This is sheer magic. And such an important plank in the way I choose to live.
EVERYthing seems to pivot around the idea of 'not enough". Malls closed for Covid & shopping is tough? never mind - we'll convince you that you're not enough and sell you a myriad of zoom classes, courses and distractions instead. Urgh.
I don't reblog many posts, but this one is a YES! ***feels like Simon Cowell suddenly. 🤣
I forever telling someone who I knows is not perfect but beyond amazing in my eyes that he doesn't have to be perfect. It is so hard though for most to accept that. Perfection is a myth and if it were possible it would be the death of creativity.
Fabulous write.
Thanks so much - I appreciate you saying so! It is so engrained in us to feel less than perfect - there's so many messages that we are constantly bombarded with it's a wonder we can even love ourselves even the tiniest bit. One of hte biggest revelations I ever had was that you can't truly love others until you love yourself. That kinda blew me away, and I try to hold that in my heart when I'm feeling critical of others or judgemental, seeing it as a reflection of how I'm seeing myself. It certainly changes things a lot. xxx
I totally get this, we live in a world where we are forever chasing an "er" or oth"er" ;p
Ever since I bumped into a video by Marisa Peers and her "I Am Enough" talk, I have been drumming it into my daughter - I even stuck it up on her mirror as suggested by Ms Peers :D
Now that is good parenting right there! I wish my parents knew how to articulate that properly, or had the inspiring video content for teens that parents do today! My parents were awesome, but still, the message from society came through loud and clear, especially with bullies as a kid.. your daughter is very lucky!
Still ways to go, but I try :D
Yowch. It's early but I'm pretty sure I just read a buncha bitter sounding single mom stuff and she made us all sound like assholes.
I'm not entirely sure what you mean.
This can't be good. It's early again.
Just reminded me of something one of my angry, single mom friends would've written. I have several. I always gotta be 'We're not all that bad!'
No, you aren't. Many are beautiful, caring, gentle, compassionate and empathetic. Human beings.
But people have a right to be angry. 'Angry' is often a criticism of woman, as if it's not a trait we have a right to. But it's often in response to injustice and even trauma. It's a legitimate emotion, because guess what happens if you don't express anger? Depression and anxiety.
I guess that it's important to see beyond the first reaction and what we identify people as being, because there's always a complex story behind their experience we can't presume to know if we haven't been on receiving end. That's what empathy can be, right, truly listening to people's stories and understanding the truth of their particular experience.
It's not about you and how they see you, but their story. So saying that you aren't all bad, which you truly aren't, and you are obviously a great guy, isn't helpful, as you weren't the one who was inflicting violence, shame, whatever it was they did. Listening and acknowledging is better, don't you think?
And then you can say: there are good men in the world, too, because that's also truth - there absolutely are.
😘
Posted using Dapplr
I'm not sure who's got the award for coolest comment but I looked all over—can't find it. But when I do, I'll return it to you.
That sure was a nice read. Ok, cool! So long as we're on the same page and you're fully aware if the three of us did a night out, I'll never face my back to the door, stand up when ya'all leave/return, shit like that.
Much love from wherever I am @riverflows. Really, @dandays was raised by a single mother. It's a crazy story, never met the... anyway.
Son or daughter? Sorry if I missed that. He/she's lucky to have you.
I really just want to scream to the world "enough". Can we just stop now please?
Also, you identified a lotta programs running in those "even thoughs". I see zero pointing fodder there! 😀
you know what - i entirely forgot about zero pointing! Bloody hell. It wasn't that long ago! Lol.
Yes, as I was writing that the other 'enough' was pretty loud too.
It's hard and tricky to embrace self-love. I've come to realize that whenever I have no romantic partner I feel this huge void, this not-enoughness. Then I think of all the people I don't find suitable to be my partners and I'm saying to them: you're not enough. I also think: I deserve to be with someone that I'm attracted to in every way I desire because I love myself and I am good enough to receive this.
I also see that is too rational.
I am enough whether there is a partner or not. I am enough when I breathe with the intention of filling my body with precious air that is Love itself. And you explained it so well:
Thanks for this beautiful post, much Love your way 💚
Thanks beautiful, you are a treasure!!!!
It is tricky. It took a long time to BELIEVE I was enough, but not only that, that I was truly loved.
And once that happened, our relationship became as beautiful as I could wish for.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah .. and love to you as well xx
As always a wonderful post @riverflows. Good to see you still hammering out the great content. :)
Oh thanks mate, how are things in Blighty? You staying safe?
Things are good as they can be here in the UK. Usual lockdown stuff really. I'm hoping once I get a bit more time to get back on the natural medicine site and knock out some blogging. Hope your keeping healthy, wealthy, and wise matey. :)
Enoughness...
Nice!!! Love a bit of blues. Thanks for sharing. That's pretty special right there.
I like this post because it highlights all the paradigms that often limit and make people unhappy. Maybe what you say @riverflows of the capitalist system is true; But what I am clear about is that the socialist model (which is generally the nemesis of the capitalist and is sold as the eighth wonder of the world), is not better, but quite the opposite, it gives even more unhappiness and misery to the people. I know we are not on a political tirade, I just wanted to make that comment, with all due respect. On the other hand, beyond an approach based on the mode of production, I consider self-acceptance, self-love, loving oneself beyond all conditions is necessary. Of course, this love does not imply complacency and stop improving, but accepting ourselves with our pros and cons, and trying every day to be the most optimal version of ourselves.
Este post me gusta porque pone en evidencia todos los paradigmas que muchas veces limitan y hacen infeliz a la gente. Quizás lo que dices @riverflows del sistema capitalista sea cierto; pero lo que sí tengo claro es que el modelo socialista (que por lo general es la némesis del capitalista y se vende como la octava maravilla del mundo), no es mejor, sino todo lo contrario, le da aún más infelicidad y miseria a la gente. Sé que no estamos en una diatriba política, sólo quería hacer ese comentario, con todo respeto. Por otra parte, más allá de un enfoque basado en el modo de producción, considero es necesaria la autoaceptación, el amor propio, el quererse a sí mismo más allá de toda condición. Claro, este quererse no implica una autocomplacencia y el dejar de mejorar, sino aceptarnos con nuestros pros y nuestros contras, y tratar cada día de ser la versión más óptima de nosotros mismos.
Maybe that's it - political pardigms are sold. Perhaps when we actually realise the truth of our divinity we can do away with competition between systems at all.
Couldn't agree more.
I want to agree. Life would be easier if I could. But, I'm unable to embrace the idea that we are all enough, and I don't find radical self-love to be brave if you're a piece of shit; then it is cowardly, and an excuse not to try and better yourself.
I wonder if capitalism is truly predicated on the idea that we're not enough. To me it seems to be based upon an erroneous and destructive definition of what being enough is. We are taught to measure success through the accumulation of material possessions, the power we wield over others, or the amount of followers we have on instagram.
I believe the true measure of success is how much better you are today than you were yesterday. And of course, the word better here needs to be defined, for the average soul would too define that as having more as opposed to being more. I think a measure of improvement, is being happier in spite of not having; being less of a piece of shit in spite of the bullshit you have to deal with daily.
I just think it a dangerous idea, that we are all enough. I'm not opposed to us being forgiving towards ourselves in regards to our short-comings, but I think that forgiveness is only warranted when our mistakes are seen as lessons, rather than acceptable traits that we need not overcome. As an example, do you think the rapist or the murderer is enough? I am not sure that I do, or can.
This is such an important lesson and a hard one to learn. "Good" men, and Inuse the term loosely, cannot understand that society's pressures on women are little changed over centuries. The Husband is a case in point and when an example (other than moi jumps up and bites him, he is surprised. It's no wonder so many seemingly normal women who have had seemingly normal upbringings and life experience are, if one scratches the surface, are really wounded and scarred.
This is hard and object lesson that is never done.
Thank you for this
Posted using Dapplr
I couldn't agree more. When I talk to my 'good' husband about some things I feel deeply unhappy with, that I see are propping up a system of how we treat woman in society, he often doesn't see what I'm going on about. It seems such a tiny thing to him (for example, a sexist joke in an online forum when not one man calls it out) but for us, who have experienced it our whole lives, it's harder.
I've had a great and wonderful upbringing with beautiful, caring parents - didn't stop me being scarred. We carry a lot because of our position in society - and that's just white woman. I cannot even presume to understand what it might be like for black, or less able bodied.
A beautiful message, that is much needed, as we move forward into a world where we all need to become more empowered. Thank you for your response xxxxx