These past few weeks have been eventful, I've compromised all my beliefs and done everything I shouldn't do, simply put, I crossed the line on the standards I've set for myself. Not that these standards are infallible or perfect, I just felt that they've kept me going again and again.
Sometimes some things wouldn't seem too pleasant especially when we weigh them with our moral compass. So I've been feeling betrayed by some of the actions of the people I felt I know.
The reason why I say this is because when a person establishes familiarity with people for the first time, they have the option to open up and completely "know them", or choose to just reckon with them, without taking the effort to establish true familiarity, which entails "knowing them".
Human Relationships: The Downside To Exploration
I kind of feel that I "quickly" "friended" people who were supposed to be strangers. Although this is understandable, I've been feeling like I need to leave my cocoon, that place where I oddly feel safe and secure in search of uncertainty, fun, dangerous adventures and the more I feel like I need to do this, the more disappointments I tend to get. Understandably, we're social animals.
On the surface, we want to protect ourselves from the excesses and toxicity that's flying around, but by default, it's in our nature to seek companionship.
Sometimes our psychological outlet bars us from seeing the essence to connecting or exploring human relationships, but it's just biologically in our nature to seek adventure which sometimes unsettles the frameworks, the rules, and regulations we've set for ourselves.
A Quest To Drown pessimism
However, in my quest for exploration, I should say I've met people who are sadly opportunists. There are red alerts to prove this. But sometimes I feel like when I listen to myself I seem too realistic, sometimes this state of realism might be mistaken for pessimism. So when I try to listen to myself, I don't see myself seeing goodness in some people.
It's like their life is a written script, they follow almost every act and scene, making it easy to predict the negative intents hidden in their chameleon lifestyle. But sometimes I feel it's okay to display imperfections, it's forgivable because we're humans, but when you tend to give people the benefit of a doubt, they end up exhibiting that animalistic side to them.
Subconsciously I have tried to see my sense of red alert as pessimism, this is to allow me to lower my guard and become more trusting, however, the results have been dastardly. I have experienced loss, pain, regret, and exploitation. However, I think I need to search within to see the other reasons why this has been happening.
Qualities: Matching Your expectations
Apart from experiencing disappointments. Most of the choices I've made in life haven't been what I've truly desired. However, I'm of the notion that in life, we need to have at least 80% embodiment of what we truly desire. For example, if you desire wealth, you need responsible and disciplined enough to be deserved the wealth you seek.
To set outrageous expectations of what you crave from the opposite sex, you must be at least 80% of the standards you've set. People are from the habit of expecting too much from others when they don't even embody some of these standards.
In my way, I've tailored to mind to seek stability and normalcy. Because I don't embody some of the natural qualities that automatically create choices for me, I have become realistic with my expectations. Nevertheless, I hate that I have to always think about my failings when I need to decide what I truly want. My whole life has always been, expunging what I truly desire to what I need.
Seeking Stability
This doesn't just hurt, it creates a feeling of numbness, it's why I try to exist in my universe alone, where I feel safe. Lately, I've come out of my shell to seek stability and I've been shocked by how instability is the perfect way to define the world at the moment. Recently I've tried to take what I do not want and made attempts to change them into what I want.
But then, sometimes our efforts towards change can be proportional to playing God. There are limits to what we can change, one of such things Is trying to change people (for the better) who do not truly desire to change.
However, because of my lack of choice, I find it difficult to go out there to create choices, because they automatically end up in disappointment for me, trying to make what I have into what I want hasn't worked either. Sometimes I snap out of this by generally being grateful to be alive..... It's the only form of denial that's kept me afloat.
Interested in some more of my works?
Crypto & The Outrageous Learning Curve: My Splinterlands Journey As A Case Study
Understanding & Adjusting To The Real Purpose Of Motivation
Thematic Expression: African Child (Shot & Edited On My iPhone 12)
How I Create Original Images for My Blog & Why This is Important
Budgeting: Paying Yourself First With Crypto
Establishing Compatibility: A Case For Self-Improvement
@Josediccus, your brother-in-pen & heart
I'm hoping to reach more people who are broken at heart and spirit, so share on any platform or reblog
I have cone to realize that as a Human, you cannot completely run away from betrayal and hate. I have been in your shoes a couple of times. I have a high wall built around me and when I break the wall to let people in, I get disappointed.
But having studied the reason, I have come to realize that I have been expecting too much from people. The less you expect, the less you get hurt. It is just normal that good and honest people feel the way you do.
Well we cannot completely run away from it like you've said, but it still hurts like hell especially when you're coming from a liberal perspective and expecting some decency. At one point in time, we all know what's right, iasmuch as we shouldn't expect the best, we owe it to ourselves to deserve decency especially when we've given nothing less than decency. But the world isn't cyclical. I understand this. Thanks for coming through.
In summary, life is not fair.
You speak like a man that has undergone a thousand processes each with a different form of pain.
I know it because I have felt the same way before. But the truth is...
I have come to terms with the fact that humans are people who have a thousand flaws and part of those flaws for some people is their uncanny ability to play Judas over and over again.
We can't stop trusting people because they broke our hearts. We can only manage our trust in such a relationship given that the relationship is not parasitic.
Life in all becomes beautiful when we look at it as a mosaic formed by a thousand broken pieces.
This sums it all up. It's quite challenging to actually thread this line. But it's not impossible. I'm someone who knows how to excellently manage my trust and life, emotions and expectations very well, but there are times I wonder if it's everyone that has the mental capacity to actually to manage theirs. In this post I was frustrated by the lack of loyalty out there and how it's difficult to do things with your heart when you're being taken advantage of. Thanks for coming through.
Your third paragraph is something I have experienced too. I kind of make friends easily and would want to open up to them and this is because I am free and I tend to flow along making you a friend but somehow somewhere, I felt I shouldn't have opened up to people especially since there are some who would use those words against you,, It happened to me and I thought I expected them to keep my secret but it wasn´t so. I just have to get away from such friendships and remain who I am.
Though, we humans tend to expect high from others whereas we aren´t in any way up to the standard we set for them. I believe if we don´t want to keep getting disappointed every time, we should stop expecting too much from people because humans will be humans, not perfect and with flaws.
There's no way we cannot expect too much from people, it's embedded in us by default to hold people in estimable situations, hence even if we know we shouldn't expect a lot from them, we end up doing so and hence bear the regrets.
My circle is so thin nowadays, this is as a result of the experiences I've had in the past and even still having. I'm thinking we'd always find ourselves in the positions where we're disappointed because of expecting people to be up to par.
You are right. It's something we cannot do without. It's already in everyone especially when you expect people to fulfill their promises and they end up disappointing us. It's so sad though but we can't do anything about it.
Wow! This is a whole lot of feelings put into writing. Some of your piece here, I can relate to. For example, when I meet with a new person even if I may have heard the bad deeds of the person, I tend to still ignore it and go ahead to give them an open book for them to write themselves literally on it. And as you said, some have lived up to true actions while others have broken my spinal cord 😅
Just like @drceeyou said, we cannot stop trusting or relating with people because some others in our past have grieved us. But that does still not mean we should be careless in our dealings. The elders will say Men are your clothes - Eniyan l'aso mi. We can't do without one other.
You did a great job in constructing your work here, @josediccus. Keep up the good work for
usme..😁🙌Well literally, we cannot live without one another, doesn't change the fact that we're our biggest undoing. The heart of man is desperately wicked, but at the same time, meeting some people might change that perspective. In other words, let us hope and wish to meet the right people.
That's a daily prayer these days.
..it is naturally wicked sef. So, good people try to overcome natural wickedness. So this is why it is okay to give people chance.
I'd include that as one of my key prayer points.😁