Mommy's Mental Health - Chapter 20 : 2 Birthdays and a Funeral

Nothing grinds life to a halt or makes you reevaluate absolutely everything, more than death. The last few days have been an absolute emotional blur in our household as we try to love, cherish and support each other through this indescribably difficult time.

The news of the sudden passing of my children's biological mother, came to us with incredibly bad timing. Not that there ever is a good time to receive news like this. Both mine and my daughter's birthdays are just three days apart, and receiving the news in between baking and trying to run around collecting friends for her party was immensely overwhelming.

@zakludick is an incredible father. I am so grateful... beyond anything... that this is the man I am raising our children with. Despite the emotional chaos, he made phenomenal Ramen and I made magical rainbow unicorn poop cupcakes and lord did we make sure that no matter what, she had a wonderful birthday.

But try as we might, we are not miracle workers, and no matter how much we try to soften the blow, there is absolutely nothing one can do to prepare a child for the loss of a parent.

It was my own birthday yesterday, and even though we decided to suspend celebrations until after the funeral next week, I was blessed with hand made birthday cards, a beautiful cake and cookie decorating kit (which I will post about in my "Claire's crazy bakes and kitchen hacks series") and Zak and the kids made me supper (chops eggs and chips!) which meant that I could sit next to the fire that @zakludick made for me and I could spend some time with my music file and my beautiful guitar.

The children took turns to sit with me... and sing a long... and there were times when I was alone and had a lot of time to think about what lies ahead for us all.

It really got me thinking, and I may have accidentally even written a song about it (which I will post about in my "wizardry of songwriting series).

It got me thinking about how lucky I am to have been given a second shot at love
at life
and at my dreams

I have been suffering from absolutely crippling depression this year, and I'm not saying I had some kind of magical epiphany that cured my mental illness, but it certainly has made me re-center myself and realize just how bloody lucky I am.

No matter what, I have to keep showing up. I have to keep reaching for the stars and I have to love my family with all my heart and soul, which is certainly not hard, considering that every ounce of love I give my husband and my children, I receive back tenfold.

Thank you to our incredible friends and family who have been there to celebrate with us and hold our hands as we simultaneously mourn.

Thank you for standing by us through this incredibly confusing time.

May we find a path to peace and healing and may we find the strength to hold each other up and love each other unconditionally along the way.

❤️