My Dogs Shine A Light | Ladies Of Hive Contest #100

in Ladies of Hive2 years ago

When my sister, @gejami, posted her blog for the Ladies of Hive Contest yesterday, and I was reading her blog, (The discord notifications work well, LOL), I was thrown back in time.


Depressive Times in Life

The difficult time when our father was first diagnosed with lung cancer, and the 'fight' for his life started. What was perhaps the hardest thing for everyone was that we actually knew from the moment of diagnosis that it was only going to be life extension. There was no cure for the type of lung cancer he was suffering from.

Our mother had had COPD for years, and because of the limitations this placed on her quality of life, in combination with her character, she was always prone to depression. Our father was her great love and support in life. So you can imagine that being diagnosed with incurable lung cancer was a crushing blow to our family. The diagnosis also came at a time when our mother was rushed to the hospital with yet another pneumonia, a day before my father received his shattering diagnosis.

What happened next is not easy to describe, but you can say that from then on mental health problems were a thing in our family. Not my father. He held his ground and went through the treatments without complaint. Was it without fear? No, of course he was scared! Just not so much for himself, I think I know him that well. He wasn't ready to give up, he was still enjoying life too much. He had just retired from work for a few years, and finally had time to do the things he wanted to do. Of course, he wasn't ready to have to give up all this and leave it behind. But his greatest concern was how he would leave his wife and daughters behind. How would we go on without him? The rock in our family!

Our mother and I, too, were both very prone to depression. And for us, our father tried to stay as strong as possible. While my mother and I both tried to stay strong, for him too.

The inevitable happened and a year and a half after his diagnosis, our father passed away in the hospital.

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Photo by Vie Studio

Slowly things fade away

What you often see is that in the beginning, family and friends often come by to see how things are going. Our mother also needed this, she had lost her great love. She herself had increasing health problems, because the COPD she suffered from is of course an incurable, progressive disease. She needed to be cared for, but after the death of our father, her zest for life had completely disappeared. And as I said, the first month after our father died, people checked on her every day. But this too slowly faded as people moved on with their own lives. It had become "normal" again for them. Leaving our mother with her own sorrow and thoughts. While for her, nothing would ever be "normal" anymore. It is understandable, everyone has his/her own life. But that doesn't make it any easier!

As my sister wrote, she tried her best. But unfortunately there wasn't much we could do. The combination of her own health issues, her fears, and missing our father made her weaker quickly. She passed away after a heavy and difficult, but relatively short period after our father.

How can you help someone else when you are depressed yourself?

When my father died, I still lived in our parental home. On the one hand, I was very happy with that because it allowed me to keep an eye on our mother. And I tried to be there for her, to support her and to ease her worries. I tried to make it fun for her by doing things with her on days when her health allowed her to do something. My sister came by every day and tried to be there for her too, but we both found that the grief of missing our father was too great.

In the meantime, I was also becoming increasingly depressed, and if you threaten to get into a depression yourself, it is difficult, if not impossible, to be there for someone else.

I have "experience" in both, Helping and being helped

So in that respect I have clearly gained experience in both the side of the person who is trying to help the other, but also in being the person who needs to be helped. And from both experiences, I can say that mental health problems have a huge impact on a person's life. Whether you're the one trying to help, or whether you're the one who needs to be helped. People with mental health issues cannot always be helped.

Professional help was of no help for me

I myself have visited social work several times, I have seen a psychiatrist and I say quite frankly, the visits to the psychiatrist were wasted time for me. Social work was slightly better, in the sense that I still enjoyed talking to my social worker. But, to say that I was ever really helped by any of them? No! Absolutely not!

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Rowan

What ultimately helped me to face the issues I had was purchasing Rowan. My white German Shepherd. He has been the best doctor, psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist, friend, support and soul mate ever. And why? He didn't judge, he was there for me. And he needed me! He wouldn't be anywhere without me, and I required that responsibility. I was never alone because of him. There was someone who was always happy with me. And because of the needs he had, I also had to take part in life again. Because that little white fluffy ball was so unconditionally loyal to me, I wanted to give him everything I thought he deserved. I wanted to give him the best dog life ever. And that part, wanting to give him the same love and fidelity that he gave me so unconditionally... that part pulled me through my depression. And changed my life forever.

It was the same little white fluff ball who also was my great support, along with my sister, when I had another negative experience in my life. Not quite in balance yet, I met a man online who took my heart by storm.

He didn't want my heart, he wanted (and got) my money

Unfortunately for me, he wasn't after my heart, but he was after my parents' legacy. He knew exactly how to find my weaknesses, which were still there at the time, he knew how to play them very cleverly and the end of the song is that I lent him 10K euros. Needless to say, I never saw that back again. There is more that happened, but I don't want to go into that.

It's not exactly an online scam, but it's consistent with how people are scammed online these days. And the only advice I could give in that is, "Never, ever transfer money". No matter how much in love you are, use your wits, and don't do it!

A POSITIVE note to end

Then a final positive note, in recent years it has been a lot better in terms of depression. I recognize the dangerous moments much earlier. I know I will always be sensitive to it, but I can deal with it better, and now I know how to act myself. This does not mean that I never have gloomy days, this does not mean that I no longer have fears, on the contrary. Sometimes I have to consciously hold back from things, and avoid all news (too much negativity), but as long as I can take that into account I'm fine.

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Dogs stay important for my mental health

My dogs are still an important part of my life. Unfortunately without Rowan now, but Myla, Lana and Skipper keep me busy. They are there for me just as unconditionally, and for them too I want to give only the very best to them. They keep me mentally balanced and physically active. And that last bit, physical activity is important for mental health.

And of course there is now my partner who accepts me as I am, and who brings out the best in me. He stimulates me, he puts my fears into perspective, he sees it as soon as I get into a depressed mood and feels unerringly whether he should encourage me to take action or limit me in certain things. He encourages me to stay creative and encourages me to keep developing myself in that area. It is thanks to him that I regained the confidence to paint after more than 15 years.

So even though my life hasn't always been a bed of roses, it's actually going well at the moment. The fact remains that we always have to work on ourselves, and some people need to do that a little more than others. But the most important thing is and remains that you continue to have faith in yourself and in the people you love.

Be kind to eachother!

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You got into depression and you have to there for someone who is depressed too🥲. I know how hard it will have been on you and I am glad you are fine now.

It was a tough time for all of us. I wish I could say anything else about that time, but I can´t. It was very hard on all of us, And yes, I am happy too that I am fine now, thank you for your comment.

I hope you didn´t experience the same thing.

Thank you for your prayers🤲🥺 and big amen to it.

Yay! 🤗
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How I wish life was not so difficult, @hetty-rowan!
Wow, 10K!!! To be played like that... no he didn't want your heart!
Thank God for dogs!
!LADY 😍🌺🤙

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You're definitely right. Thank God for dogs!

Sorry that I didn't reply sooner to you. I have been caught by a flu and dealt with some anxiety for the last week. So I had to step back from everything to get my mindset right again.

Thanks for your comment @silversaver888 ❤️

Enjoy some !CTP from me

@hetty-rowan you received as upvote from @minnowsupport !

I've tried to be there for you, as much as i could 💖 and i will always be there for you, as you know. But i'm glad that we have our own lives, with each a great partner in life, we are two very different persons an that's fine, that's okay.

I know you are! And I will always be there for you too!

I've just read your sister's post @gejami, I'm so sorry for what happened to your family. . I understand how hard your family has worked to get through this tough time. It is said that the two most difficult things in life are losing someone we love and moving on from that loss. I'm not sure which is harder. You experience both. When you are feeling depressed, it can be hard to imagine how you could possibly help someone else.

Dog is one of the most loyal and loving animals on the planet. They are always there for us, no matter what, give us unconditional love. I'm glad Rowan was there for you and became your truly best friend.

10k is a lot but you learned something.

the most important thing is and remains that you continue to have faith in yourself and in the people you love.

I love it and your positive vibes. No matter what life throws our way, don't lose the hope in ourselves and people we love. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I believe that nothing or anyone can make you down.

This is a great entry, we really appreciated your time and effort

Thanks for your well thought comment. I appreciate it very much.

Sorry that I didn't reply to you sooner, I was caught by a flu and had to deal with some anxiety last week. So therefor I had to step back and get my mindset right again.

Writing this particular blog brought back some anxiety from the past and take with that the fact that I was weak because of flu, and I fell back in a black rabbit hole.

Thank God for the dogs again, and my partner and sister.

thank you, and yess it was a hard time. We have lost our parent within nearly 2 years, and that's hard, emotional very tough, and i had the distraction of going to work, than come home in my little house, with the garden, created from the inheretance of my parents, and my little dog. My sis has her home to, but it didn't feel home for her for a long time, after a difficult time for her (for me also, because when she went away in the middle of the night, with strangers i didn't trust, i was worried sick sometimes, but i had to let her be "wild" and free, and contact me at her time) and when she bought her white fluf Rowan, it became a home for her, a little time. But as always, the living has to move ons, pick up their life's again, and that's exactly what we have done, first together in a house, and after a while seperately, we got to know our current partners and settle both in our own way.

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I so feel you my dear friend. I have been through depression too but going to a Psychiatrist does not make sense to me. Your Rowan gives you comfort at your weakest, and for me it is actually nature that heals me and above all, through prayers. After all, it is not others who would heal us totally but it all
lies in ourself especially on the way we think. If we feel good about ourselves that we could be healed naturally, then there is what we call as the power of attraction in healing depression. It would always make sense to be with the comfort that we wanted for it will be a waste of time if it does not work best.

Perhaps we all have different ways of healing, but I believe it is being resilient despite a toughest life. I could truly feel the emotions if your writing. A big hug to you my dear friend. Have a nice time and take care @hetty-rowan

Thanks for your comment. Yes depressions are not the best times of our lives. Kinda 'fun' that you say you could truly feel the emotion ... Writing this post brought back anxiety of the past for me, and being also caught by a flu I didn't have the best week ...

Thank God for my dogs again, for my partner and my sister.

Awww, you were having a flu. Eat more fruits and veggies, and never forget to take your medicines. I hope you are feeling better now. Keep safe always and have a great day.

It seemed the same for me as Professional help, second and even a third opinion didn't help. My anti-depressant medication seemed to only made me feel worse. The breath and thought exercises were ineffective.
A fine post @hetty-rowan 💙
And Congratulations!

Oh, thinking back to that time. The anti-depressants just kind of turned me into a zombie. I only had completely flattened feelings, the fears were suppressed a bit. But the same was the case with joy, love and the will to life. Every passion was suppressed until you simply didn't feel anything anymore. I just didn't even care anymore whether I was alive or not. I had never had suicidal thoughts until I was under the influence of anti-depressants for about 2 years. And that was when I knew somewhere deep in my heart that a radical change had to take place. These anti-depressants weren't going to save me. On the contrary.

It was here that Rowan came into my life ... and the rest is history.

Thanks for your reply @kerrislravenhill ❤️. I haven't been online last week because I was caught by a flu, and writing this post brought back anxiety of the past that I had to deal with. And get my mindset right again.

Again, thank God for my dogs, partner, and sister. I'm back once again!

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Thank you!

Done!

Thank you for your support @hetty-rowan, really appreciate it! 👍

You got awesome content!!!!

Woof!!!!

Dogs rule!

Dogs are awesome!!!!

Dogs brought me back the joy in life. There are so many reasons to love dogs ...

I have to agree most times except for the days where my dog is being complete butthead.

LOL ... don't ever think I don't know these days. I really do. One of our dogs is such a barking bitch that she really can drive us crazy! So annoying! But at the same time she's really loyal and a sweety who only wants to do good. She only forgets every time that we don't like her barking for nothing.

Yeah I actually give my dog certain times and he has command so that he can bark himself silly and get everything out. And then life goes back to normal and he is allowed to bark to alert however if he doesn't alert correctly he gets in trouble.

I am in the rebellious teenager who is trying to be the leader stage and apparently he knows better than I do...