"Failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be"
I've been listening to some podcasts recently of various people. All from different backgrounds, from different places in the world, different upbringings and yet one thing that I have noticed throughout is that so many of them speak of their "failures" in life with open candidness and transparency.
Many of them have spoken of how failure is not the penultimate ending to the story but that they managed to use their failures and mishaps to shape and mould them to do better and reach higher.
This morning I was reflecting on my own life and whether I would be able to so openly declare what my failures have been and the answer was a resounding "no". While I'm not denying that I have acknowledged each one of them and the impact they had on me, I don't feel that disclosing my failures would do me any good.
Recently someone asked me to falsify parts of my CV so that I fit their needs for a job opening better and I refused to do it. I explained that I would not lie in order to gain access to an opportunity and if someone else had more experience than I did, it would be fair for them to get offered the position before me. Perhaps I am too honest, but it comes from a place of integrity.
How does integrity come into play when admitting your own faults, flaws and failures? I suppose it depends on whether you feel ashamed of your failure or whether you are willing to take them as lessons to do better should a similar situation arise down the line. Am I ashamed of my own failure? Absolutely. Do I discard it though as if it didn't take place? No, I still use the lessons I learned from them to push myself forward, but I also still rebuke myself for them.
Hindsight is always 20/20 they say and when it comes to looking back at situations where the outcomes could have been different if different choices were made, it's easy to fall into the trap of being regretful of them for the rest of your life. Sometimes I sit with a heavy heart over those choices and why I couldn't rely on myself to make better ones in the moment. It makes me somewhat fearful heading forward as I find myself doubting my own abilities to make good, sound choices in the future now as well. It's something I am going to have to rectify and it's probably also something that comes with age, inner growth and self confidence. At the end of the day, no matter no long we may reflect on our failures, there's no way of knowing whether we will make better choices going forward until we are in the situation that requires hard choices to be made.
How about you? Do you mull over regrets and decisions that could have been better navigated had you had the information and wisdom you have now?
The image is mine
I look back on a few decisions I've made in the past and feel some regret (shame sometimes) at them, but there's a caveat.
I consider who I was at the time and what I knew and usually figure I made the decision at that time, based on those things. It lets me off the hook a little I guess. Then I think about what I learned, or what I could learn by looking back and understanding the situation with 20/20 hindsight, and that helps me move it all forward a little better.
These things (and many other concepts) help me to make better decisions today, and that means less likely hood of regret later.
I think many people are too hard on themselves for some of the things they have done or had happen...they attach little stories to those things and blame themselves. It's unproductive though, best to fucken own it, the bad decision or failure, and move on better for it and with a new plan.
Just my two cents worth...but what do I know, I'm a nutbag.
You may believe yourself to be a nutbag, but I think you're a wise one. It's a good way to deal with it I think and maybe being able to compartmentalise it like that will help.
Would I make different (better) decisions if I could do it all again? Absofuckinglutely I would so I suppose that's progress, but it doesn't entirely erase the regret I feel.
Having a life filled with regrets is not the one I want to lead, but we're just as human as the next person and failing at life in certain aspects is part of the human condition I suppose.
I appreciate your 2cents, I always do 🦋