I don't want to believe it but my past still hurts

Yes. Let's get down to business. I have been dreading opening my notepad in the last few hours. Why? Writer's block. At the same, I have thought about all the events that have unfolded in my life and tried to put all the puzzles together.

I went to my past and analyze a situation that I am currently experiencing, it's similar, except the scenes, and the people involved are different.

You know now and then, I often see answers on Quora that say, "you'll always experience the same thing until you learned your lesson". I usually find it difficult to understand what the authors meant. Until now.

Seeing that I just found myself in an almost similar situation to the one I encountered in my past, I paused. Reflected on it. Discovered it had been such a long time but the wound still hurt. I thought it healed. I just realize it did not. I merely coverer it up with the motion of life.

Source
I must have applauded myself for being able to push through that experience in the past, now, my Chi is laughing at me. I did not deserve any applaud.

Albeit, facing a similar situation, I am stuck with finding a way out. And then to make matters worst, @jacoalberts published a post that explains it's my brain that is working against me.

When he said this

When an individual has experienced trauma at some stage, it is being stored in the brain and affects the way conflict is handled in the future. Source

I had to bare my soul to him in this manner 👇👇

I have been here. I had a certain experience with someone in the past and almost a similar one in the present. Once I sat down and analyzed the way I reacted, I found out, it was the same way. I thought I had gotten over the other one, I hadn't. The new experience was proof that I hadn't. If I had, then, I wouldn't have reacted the same.

From then on, I decided ok, if this is how I will keep reacting to this kind of situation, then, I'll have to do all I can to avoid finding myself in them in the future.

Shockingly, I was on Quora, the other day, and someone mentioned in one of the answers, that we will keep experiencing or making the same blunders around certain things, until, we learn our lessons.

It felt as though it was speaking to me directly. I figured, oh, what I need to do is not to run from this stuff, it's to face it, and get rid of it once and for all.

I don't know if I should follow the first or the latter. What do you think? I sincerely do not want to find myself reacting that way anymore in future situations.

And then he returned and told me this 👇👇

It makes sense that you reacted in the same way. You shouldn't feel bad about it. But unfortunately, it is also not as simple as saying "next time I am going to respond differently".

It is seldom that you can predict how you will respond in a certain situation unless have been in that situation already.

The good news is that you can change your thinking and what you believe about yourself. But it will be a process and it will take time.

Firstly I will recommend that you try to only hang out with people with who you feel safe.

Did you see the last part? He said I should hang out with the people who make me feel safe.

This evening as my thoughts wandered towards this direction, I had come up with one solution, and it was to stay quarantined. I told myself I'll have to cut the connection with the object or human that is making me want to relive my past... A past that still hurts.

My mental well-being is more important than any other thing at the moment. And this is what I should be fighting for. To be mentally sound. To be able to pull through my life with positivity instead of negativity and toxic reactions as thoughts.

If our path likely crosses again, I'll have to take the other route.

Holy shit! My battery Just hit 1%. I am sorry, I'll see you in the comment box by tomorrow. Stay safe.