Show Up. Show Out.

in Self Improvement2 years ago

Every time.

It isn't easy though, is it?

At least for me, it isn't in my nature to make myself visible, but sometimes, in order to make the intended impact, it is necessary.

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It is the end of day two of the sessions, but it is day three for me and as I was discussing with one of my colleagues earlier and I mentioned last night, there is no "personal space" between. From an early breakfast to the small hours of the night, the time is spent with people, often in a capacity that I have to be either switched on as a host, or concentrating and contributing as a participant. It is tiring.

And I am relatively social.

For those who are not, this must be quite draining, however I think that sine the majority are sales people, they are used to this kind of event, schedule and lack of personal space. For the few who are here from other functions, they are probably less "booked" that I am for this event.

What has been a highlight for me personally, is discovering how many talented people we have working in the organization and in many ways for me, it has illustrated how limited I am, even if they do not realize it. It could be that I expect more from myself than others do from me and when I look in the "social mirror" - all I see is shortcomings and inability, even though I know that this isn't entirely true.

I wonder though, is it better to feel not enough, or is it more useful to overestimate ability, to be overconfident. For example, my sister is a confident driver - no matter how many accidents she had. But, that was her for the few years after she got her license and I don't know if she has started listening and learning from her experience. I know people who go their whole life not learning from the feedback life provides.

Like the title of this post,

Show Up. Show Out.

I know people who "show up" consistently, but instead of bringing anything to the table, they expect to be provided for, like young children and daycare, waiting for their lunch to be served and having someone wipe their butt for them.

I also know people who "show out" and then expect that they should be rewarded for their result, even though it is a single point in their timeline. They aren't consistent. They filled in a ticket and expect to win the lottery.

It is rare that there are people who show up and show out consistently and as much as I would like to say I am that person, I definitely can't. However, I do try to maintain an above average "average" where I can feel that I am holding myself to a higher standard than I hold others. I don't expect anything from anyone, yet this doesn't stop me from forming baselines and making evaluations, because this is what humans do. However, I don't expect anything more than I expect from myself and, I generally expect less from others and attempt to take their own profile into consideration.

For example, there was a competitive analysis professional giving a presentation and whilst they weren't the most engaging presenter, that is not their job. Their job is to provide information and tools that enable sales professionals to better do their job and, they do that. It is silly to expect people to perform well outside of their nature, like the proverbial judgement of a fish's ability to climb a tree.

I think that one of the challenges in the world today is that there has been a consolidation of skillsets through tool development as well as cherrypicked examples of the best of class. This means that we are presented very high bars of what is considered "good" without consideration as to the specialization of the person. A presenter is meant to be like Steve Jobs, whilst also delve into the numbers like the mathematician John Nash as after all, Leonardo Da Vinci could do it.

See the problem?

Not so long ago, talent was localized, meaning that the competition was lower at a local level and, there were far more "gaps in the market" meaning space for individuals to do well, even if they weren't the best in the world at something. Now however, we are all competing against a cross-section of 7 billion people and in many cases, quite directly if the skills are digitally enabled, like a lot of work these days. Being considered good at something is hard, when what people's expectations and models for what is good are taken from the cream of the crop.

This sets up other challenges too, which is part of the reason that cancel culture is so ridiculous, especially from people who want to be treated as individuals. As individuals, it is highly unlikely that we are going to be the best at anything, let alone multiple things in comparison to what we are being held up against, so in a world where people are cancelled for making even slight errors, it is a very abusive culture. Of course, those who participate in this don't think or care about this, because they aren't the ones putting anything out there, they are the ones showing up to criticize, not develop solutions.

But, this will have to wait for another day to dive down this rabbit hole, because I have 7 minutes to cleanup, change and show up to dinner, though hopefully, I won't have to show out too much and I can just chill in the background.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

And I will get to comments that I have missed as soon as I have some space to concentrate on them. It might be tonight or tomorrow on the train ride home.

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The perception of average is completely skewed by the internet. By definition, half are above average, half below. But the perception of above is judged by Ted Talks and the like. So someone that is an above average presenter is perceived as a bumbling dipshit.

So having said THAT I have a quote from a Ted Talk by Brene Brown.

If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked I really am not interested in your feedback

For me, it's all about my perception of my self and how I did. She also said something like

Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the jackass whisperer.

Showing up is important. Showing out is important. Consistency and effort are absolutely essential.

So someone that is an above average presenter is perceived as a bumbling dipshit.

Precisely. The person I mentioned is an above average presenter, but below where a professional presenter is by far.

"Skin in the game" - if you don't have it, your opinion is irrelevant.

Exactly-a polite way to say it :)

Well the strange thing is that a company does need both types. The show ups and the show outs.
Just like a company does need dreamers and workers. The ideal company has the ideal mix between all types of persons. Don't have any clue what the correct ratio would be!
What type of person you are is more or less defined in your genes. Some things can be improved other are just there. In these aspects everybody is "unconsciously competent" in something. But of course you also do have the opposite "consciously incompetent" which I am in some fields of expertise and I don't mind it.

Hope that you could chill a little bit during dinner!

Cheers,
Peter

I was just a moment ago talking to a colleague about how intelligent many of the people we work with are and he agreed and added, "I have no idea how we got employed!"

we can't be good at everything and perhaps it is good that we aren't. We need others.

Can relate to that. According to so called IQ test I should be smart but nothing compared to others within my company. But only few can have a birds eye perspective like me.
So both persons combined can make an excellent team!

Guess that is the same in your case. Not the bird’s eye perspective but another quality!

One of my friends was on Wall Street as a trader (pre computer trading) - he had a very, very high IQ person working with the numbers, but they didn't have the emotional fortitude for the trading part. They made a great team.

They is this saying in Nigeria " where your money stop na there another person own start" if you think you are the most skillful person in your team or organization,it just a step to send you down the drain.
Just as you say "if you judge a fish by his inability to climb a tree he will spent his full life thinking he is a failure" maywhile his ability is to swim,
So we should look inward and check what we are really good at,and spent our time developing it, i think everyone is gifted,just that most of us fail to discover our talent.

What do you think your own "best" skill is?

I haven't discovered it yet, but in Africa, especially in Nigeria most of our talent and passion die, because they are no resource to fund that which we love, recently a friend asked me between passion and money what will you go for, I told me that if it is Nigeria I will go for money but if it is placed like US and UK I will go for passion, because after getting money all the money if you are not doing what you love you wouldn't find fulfillment, but In Africa, we are just doing anything that will catch us money.
I loved basketball but I leave that, I can't focus on that because I am looking for money.

people that do follow their skill and passion in Nigeria are people that are born with an advantage

In our life conditions, living with people has become an intellectual obstacle, it doesn't make a person bring out all his abilities, but rather follow what the majority do. It is important for a person to have confidence in what he can do, even if everyone opposes it, as long as it's logical.

It is a strange world. In the past, being with others helped us be better for others. Now...

how many talented people we have working in the organization and in many ways for me, it has illustrated how limited I am...

Fifteen years ago when I started to work, I was thinking that I was younger and more talented than others. As the time goes by, I have started to think that I am not as talented as the new generation, except experience.

Maybe it is about seeing potential. Our experience tells us we have less - but it also let's us see it in others.

It is rare that there are people who show up and show out consistently and as much as I would like to say I am that person, I definitely can't.

It is a vice versa scenario where everyone engage differently expecting miracles they aim for to happen without delivering something unique especially those that show out. We are all entitled to our own opinion on how we go about things to get positive results which depends on the action taken to do so.

We are all entitled to our opinion, but this doesn't make our opinion correct. We are also responsible for our outcomes, because we alone are the ones who have to live with the conditions we face.

We all make mistakes, so making a simple slip may be a reason for your failure in life because of excessive criticism. We are human beings who help each other in all fields.

If we don't make mistakes, we don't grow. If we don't accept mistakes, we can't collaborate.

You really think people love to be individuals in all regards, or maybe they just wanne be heard and comforted. just sain

heard and comforted I think. People want to feel valued as an individual - someone to care about them, for being them.

I've got a hard time calling people individuals rather than persons. People get inspiration from others, they imitate them and add some touch before contributing their two cents to the tribe of choice. That is not individualism in a philosophical way. The individual trades get born out of pain, fear, or euphoria, sometimes sexual desires.

We see a lot of very recognizable good people who are successful, but they don't want to be recognized as highly individualistic or strong Individuals. They wear suits, drive a native car, watch sports, chill on Sundays and live in a suburb. But they love to tell a story and get recognized as a person of distinct character, maybe even a leader.

On the other hand side, there are some pink and green-haired crazy TickTock users who choose their own Pronouns to unperson themselves as an individual sovereign anti-social and total individual being.

So no, most of us want to be a loved parent inside of a family, a respected opinion leader in their community, a properly paid and recognized in their working environment. Those who want to be super themselves, no matter their social environment, usually are in tremendous emotional pain and try to get closer to what or whoever they might actually be.

Or, I'm off the topic and this makes very little sense to anyone but me.

I've got a hard time calling people individuals rather than persons.

I see it in a different way. We all have far more in common than we have different, but we all have differences that make us unique, in the same way no two squirrels or peanuts are identical.

But, I don't subscribe to any "woke" definition of individualism, which is like you have described, actually the antithesis of uniqueness, as it says, we have to be all inclusive, regardless of what we think, believe or feel. "Be diverse, as long as everyone behaves the same"

These movements for being "unique" is actually the desire to be part of a group and they encourage division and subdivision with no end. By the laws of nature, we are all in a minority of one, but this doesn't help build a society and emphasizing and amplifying our differences and trying to force people to adhere to our individual definitions of who we are has no end in the conflict it creates, because it can continue down to the subatomic level endlessly.

There are always more divisions and categorizations to be made and then, in every moment we as that individual person is changing endlessly, making who we are now, different to who are now. Even the time between those two "nows" is divisible endlessly. And, even though I experienced that split second, I am not consciously or even subconsciously aware of all the infinitely divisible changes that took place in me, so how can I expect anyone else to behave accoring to who I am?

What people need to ask themselves is:

Who I is?

That might actually be the real journey of life, to find yourself until you lose it again and do it all over forever and at all times.

But I judge myself by that standard. Whenever I feel like standing out or making my point, I try to find the insecurity in myself that wants to be resolved before continuing down that road. Ideas have people, emotions are common, Needs haven't changed in 2000years, empathy is real, I'm not alone - no need to make a scene to just feel better afterward.

Empathy is real, but never accurate. I can never truly put myself in your shoes, so even though I might feel I can, it is an impossibility. However, even if I can't put myself in your shoes, I can be compassionate - so if I feel that you are suffering, I can help, even if I don't feel your suffering.

That is a very good observation, empathy can bridge the void in other people's numb emotional wasteland and help them to find a better way for themselves.

Today's workplace culture is very different from what it was 30-40 years back, now it requires employees to show up their abilities and remain productive all the time, the higher-ups observe what their employees are delivering to the organization.

Today there are various measuring tools for performance appraisals, every task is time limited, employees not in line with the policies are kicked out with one termination notice.

Well, We know, showing up is good but showing out is selfishness.

It is all about providing value and in some places, a dip means to lose position. Not everywhere though and some organizations have at least for a bit longer, the patience and willingness to help employees grow.

mood
Just to lighten up your mood a bit..

Some companies do support their employees, but at the year end the boss has the sword in hand to slash the appraisal.

I wonder though, is it better to feel not enough, or is it more useful to overestimate ability, to be overconfident. For example, my sister is a confident driver - no matter how many accidents she had.

This is the question I ask myself very often. I envy people like your sister, because I often lacked self-confidence. I guess that's why I've always disliked people who were too arrogant.) Or maybe it's related and goes with each other... As always, I think a middle ground is optimal, but a middle ground of what? Where is that fine line?
I love your posts just for this self-reflection and opportunity to think!
!ALIVE

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The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.

What is showing out?

I used to hate those days where you are pretty much on the clock the whole day. I always like a couple of hours to myself and look forward to getting home from whatever city I was in. I started to learn some tricks of the trade when away travelling from the people who were always on the move. One colleague told me if she was to go for dinner every night, she would be both an alcoholic and obese so she just slips away at 5pm or 6pm and colleagues soon just don't ask her out anymore. She's happy out in the hotel room or in the hotel pool or gym and fresh as a daisy the next after not having drinks after a meal. You know yourself. I started to do this too when I got older and I began to enjoy my time away. I would come into sore heads the next day where as I was refreshed and i think that stood to me in the long term.