Friday 24th June 2020 is a significant date for me; the day I lost my best friend. His life slipped away heartbreakingly fast and as his head and body went limp in my hands and he finally departed I felt a part of me leave also.
Merlin was my best friend for twenty two years; we had many good adventures together and life without him seemed incomplete. I remember that weekend well, the aimlessness, sorrow and loneliness. It's strange really, this weekend, exactly two years later, I feel the same.
I took the picture below the day I took him to the vet for the last time.
He was blind, when he walked it was in circles bumping into things and then he stopped doing so altogether. He had kidney failure and was suffering. The stoic little fellow didn't show it though and his strength broke my heart as did the decision I made to end his suffering. I don't know how I found the courage to take him to the vet; it was a terrible moment.
When I took this picture about five hours earlier I was sitting beside him talking and remembering our adventures together. It still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. I miss him so much.
That morning I'd received word my elderly and ill father had stopped eating. He was resting peacefully in the nursing home but in the twenty four hours to Friday morning had only drunk a couple of table spoons of water fed to him by a nurse. I knew what that meant of course and with Merlin being ill, the decision I'd had to make for him and resulting action...It wasn't a good day or weekend.
I don't remember much of that weekend.
I missed Merlin and had trouble grasping thought due to the loss I felt. It took up most of my energy and yet I had to deal with the constant stream of calls from the nursing home updating me on my dad's situation. I was not allowed to visit him due to the pandemic so they called me often. Between the two events I was a bit of a mess; a condition I'm not in very much, but one I've dealt with in the past.
Two years later, this weekend, I feel the same. It's a little different though, I guess time does that, allows a scab to form over the pain.
I lost my best friend that day and five days later my father passed away; it caused a series of events to come to pass and that cost me greatly. I have memories though, of both Merlin and my dad, the good times, and they comfort me despite the fact I'm still paying the price of loss and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Today I spent time looking through photos of Merlin and smiled a lot, and cried; I'm not ashamed to admit it as I don't see crying for the departed as weakness. It's ok to cry, I've always thought so. I miss Merlin so much and looking at the photo of him above always makes me so very sad. But sadness passes and leaves room for the remembrance of good times spent with those we love.
Merlin isn't here now but he goes everywhere I go as I carry him in my heart and memories, as I do my father.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
Any images in this post are my own
Reading your story, it remembers me how much I miss my cat as well 😔.... Two years already since she died but my heart is still broken. I still have cats but it's not the same, you know?. I still cry for her too....she was special. She was my best friend from the day I had her.
.....isn't magical how we bond with animals? How deep the relationship can be and how the dimension of feelings is so wide.....?
You were so lucky to have your furry friend for so long! The memories you two had together must be infinite...💚
I'm sorry to hear about your dad as well...
Here's a photo of my beloved cat. She was always ALWAYS following me! as you can see in the picture, she was sitting next to me in the garden while I was picking some fruits.
She will be with me forever, just like Merlin is with you! 💔
P.S. There was/(is) a lot of crying involved, with just writting this comment hahaha 😂😭
Thanks for sharing some of your own story and the picture of your beloved cat. It's amazing how close we get with them isn't it? They become part of the family. I have still, and she receives all my love but I miss Merlin so much, I think she does too as they were so close.
My pleasure to share! Actually I love to talk about cats! I am a CAT person and when I've read your post, it made me so sad because I know how you feel.
And YES, I love how we bond with these souls. It gives you so much comfort...and many other good feelings.
I like cats, and cat people.
:d
Galen I'm really sorry for your loss of Merlin, I know he meant so much to you. The fact that you can look back and still remember him and that you still feel him, well that just shows how deeply you loved him. I know Cleo misses him too.
I don't call many people friend, but that little fellow was certainly one of them. People that don't have pets probably won't understand and that's ok. But, for twenty two years he was there when I came home to greet me, listened to what I had to say and never judged me; he was just there; a constant. It might sound a bit silly for a man like me to say these things but I believe he understood me, my moods and emotions, and acted accordingly. He was a tremendous little fellow.
It was a terrible week or so although it was time for Merlin and my dad to move on. It'll be my time eventually and I'll accept it as did Merlin and my dad. It's just another adventure to take after all...But I guess, all things considered, my journey will probably be downwards now I think of it. I'll own it.
Thanks for your message. I hope you're well, all things considered; I always hope for that.
I absolutely understand, my animals are not always domestic (I've had a swan, starlings, geese, a shrike, a couple rock kestrels, doves, pigeons, cats, dogs, meerkat, snakes, geckos, rats etc etc) and they aren't even pets, they are everything that the true sense of the word 'family' imbues.
Galen you need to be gentle with yourself please, I know it's not an easy time at all and you've been ill, please take care. You're not going downwards, don't be ridiculous. We all go at one point or another but while we're here, we might as well make the most of it.
I'll be ok, I'm still trying to play catch up on the missed responsibilities from the 2 days I was out of commission, you know how it goes.
I hope you found some time to sit in solace today and be still, hope your sleep improves too.
I'll get some sleep, eventually.
They live on through our constant memories, something done regularly remembering loss of family members, friends and furry friends, mostly alone or with one of my sons or husband.
Each brings tears along with smiles as we remember the quirky little happenings in life.
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That's all we're left with I guess Joan, and those memories mean so much don't they? Death is part of life and I'm pragmatic about it however it's always difficult.
Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it.
Loved ones may be star dust, still have days you laugh, cry or get angry with them people related only, yup a big flaw in living, is death being a certainty.
22 years is a good long life for a cat. You were quite lucky to have him that long and he was quite lucky he owned you all of that time and was so well loved and taken care of.
Thank goodness we have memories to hold those we have loved close to us.... man and beast.
It sounds like a good time of reflection and love....and a few appropriate tears.
I only missed a good photo of him when he was young and viral here and up to his shenanigans, you know, those times that made him so deeply worth remembering.
He was such a great little friend. He did the funniest things, had a sense of adventure and a mischievous side too...Same as me. I miss him so much and yeah, I was lucky to have twenty two years with him. He was well cared for and loved.
the timing of this post is weird...My dog died this monday. June 20. She was my best friend for 13+ years...
I'm sorry to hear that. I recall you writing about your dog many times. I'm sure you miss her very much.
Really, what you experienced at that moment is very difficult to assimilate, two deaths together of very special people for you.... I am so sorry. 💙
Also you were very brave to make that decision to send him to sleep....
Your cat was very beautiful and I'm sure with the nostalgia you tell about him you gave him a lot of love, he felt it and enjoyed his great adventures.....
Cheer up! 😌
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Merlin was a very handsome little fellow and had a personality to go with it. He was a very likeable cat, friendly, and funny, and I miss him very much.
Thanks for your comment.
I totally understand that you miss him...😌
Maybe it's time to give you a chance to have another good friend and tell him about Merlin.
A big hug 🤗
Sorry for the lost of your bestfriend cat. I can relate to it since I just lost my puppy
It's terrible losing pets. I've lost a few and it never gets easier. I guess we just need to remember them, the good moments, and be thankful we had them in our lives. I'm sorry you lost your dog, was that very recently?
Oh, I can so understand the pain of losing a pet. The sharp edge of the pain fades with time, but the empty feeling of missing your pet's personality only seems to grow.
In 2018 we had to let Lex our German Shepherd go. In 2019 we had to let go of Rowan, our white German Shepherd. I still miss them every day, and sometimes my imagination plays tricks on me and I suddenly see them doing something so typical of that dog. They aren't there, of course, but they're still there.
It's such a difficult thing to deal with, the emptiness their loss leaves and whilst memories go a long way to helping it's not the same as having them with us. Clearly you understand.
I'm sorry about Merlin, but you made the best decision for both of you. It was not good for him to go on living like that and it was not good for you to see him suffer. The pain was inevitable.
I am also very sorry for the loss of your father, only time heals the wounds.
Time is a great healer for both physical and emotional wounds, and we're left with memories of the departed to remind us of the good moments we shared.
Thanks for your message.
Sometimes we have to face it which we don't want and you also faced such kind of situation. It's called time is the best healer and with time you are able heal yourself although the memories is always remain within yours.
Thanks for your message and yes, I agree, time helps to heal the hurt and sorrow.
I'm so sorry for your loss 😔 it's heartbreaking. I also have cats, and they are also family to me. Virtual hugs my friend 😔
Merlin was like family to me indeed, my best friend. I knew it was coming, his demise, but it still came as a shock and hurts me still.
That was a week best forgotten, yet, how could you? You don't think about if one of your pets will become special to you, it is something that just happens. Not everyone will be like that and have their own personality. I think Merlin was there in some challenging parts of your life and then some of your best times.
I love that you are not ashamed to openly feel the love. Same with Cleo, but, I know different. I'm sorry you had to make that decision with the weight of your dad on you and then have to go through that too.
You never do things the easy way.
I know Merlin will live forever in your heart. ❤️
It's two years later and I still really miss him. I knew I would but didn't think it'd hit me so hard. I've seen death before, enough to understand it, but with this little guy, well, I wish he'd come back. I have Cleo, and she's so beautiful, but yep, I guess I want both.
I don't have a problem showing that I love things, people and pets. It's a strength and I never trust, or understand, those who say they don't feel it.
Thanks for your comment Swigs.
So cute 🐈🐈
Yes, he was indeed.
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Don't have a pet myself, so I'm not entirely sure I can fully relate to you. But seeing the love you two shared, it's clear that losing Merlin was just as painful as losing any other loved one.
I'm glad you could share this intimate moment with us while still honoring your cat and father at the same time.
I'm sorry for your loss of them both. They seemed like delightful souls. A sad weekend indeed :(
Also, just wanted to chip in that Merlin is a pretty kick-ass name for a cat. Nailed it!
Losing a pet can be very disturbing. You may not have one, but you've got family...Just imagine losing one of them and you'll get an idea of what it feels like. Unless one has experienced death though, it's difficult to understand.
Damn... Must be absolutely horrible then.
Losing valued people is never a good thing, pets either.