Grief, they say, is not linear. You can't put a timer on how long it takes to recover from loss, and honestly, it is a lie that time heals all hurts. Some things are eternal, and through our art, our own experiences and emotions can be transferred to others and immortalized.
The person I lost did not die but was put so far out of my reach that he may as well have. I still wake up, in tears... sometimes unable to breathe, because my mind still has the power to transport me through time, right back to that very moment when I had to say goodbye, almost 25 years ago.
A moment: frozen in time. An excruciatingly pivotal moment that led to decades of sorrow. That day, my childhood ended and I was forever changed, as a young woman was birthed from my broken pieces.
When @JasperDick sent me the Placebo version of this song a few months ago, I remember it haunting my thoughts.
Jackie - Cover by Placebo - Feb 22, 2015 -YouTube
I didn't imagine myself singing lead on this one and I had no idea that it was actually originally written and performed by one of my favorite artists of all time, Irish singer: Sinéad O'Connor. It is the 1st track on her debut album: "The Lion and the Cobra," which was released way back on the 4 November 1987, 35 years ago.
Jackie - Sinéad O'Connor - YouTube
I let both versions seep through my veins and rain through my tears. It took me a while before I could sing a single verse without crying.
Jasper and I received some incredibly heartbreaking news on the day of this performance, which very nearly rendered me unable to perform this song at all.
But, who are we, if not companions in grief? Holding each other together and caressing our scars. Echoing each other's stories and pain until the end of time.
*"Jackie left on a cold, dark night
Telling me he'd be home
Sailed the seas for a hundred years
Leaving me all alone
And I've been dead for twenty years
I've been washing the sand
With my ghostly tears
Searching the shores for my Jackie-oh
I remember the day the young man came
He said, "your Jackie's gone
We got lost in the rain"
And I ran to the beach
And laid me down
"You're all wrong", I said
And they stared at the sand
"That man knows that sea
Like the back of his hand
He'll be back some time
Laughing at you"
And I've been waiting all this time
For my man to come
Take his hand in mine
And lead me away
To unseen shores
I've been washing the sand
With my salty tears
Searching the shore
For these long years
And I'll walk the seas forever more
Till I find my Jackie oh
Till I find my Jackie oh
Till I find my Jackie oh
Jackie oh
Jackie oh
Jackie oh
Source: Musicmatch
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Wow my friend, what a great performance. Your voice is very nice. But the story you tell, brought tears to my eyes. I don't know exactly what you lost, but for it to still be such a strong memory for you, it had to be someone very important in your life. It is never easy to say goodbye. I send you a big hug 🤗
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. I lost my 1st love. He had to move home to Sweden from South Africa. This song reminds me of how I felt after saying goodbye to him at the airport. I never truly recovered. We tried to make it work long distance, but we were so young. It was a lot to handle for such young hearts. We were only 13.
We've seen each other twice since: we both flew to London when we were both engaged to other people to say a proper goodbye, and then again here in SA when he brought his partner here to meet his South African friends. We both had to let go and get on with our lives, but every now and then, I'll hear a song, or pass a landmark that takes me straight back.
Beautiful cover, this song has a sad and melancholic melody. I heard this song some time ago in a rock radio station here in my city, played by placebo. Regards
Thank you so much. It's so different. Like nothing I've ever heard. I love placebo and Sinead O'Connor but I'd never heard this song. Quite a feat to cover. Thank you for your kind words ❤️