Losing Ginger - Grieving but Grateful

May 19, 2021

8:00 am - I woke up a bit late today. Mom was preparing all necessary things for Ginger's surgery scheduled at 2:00pm. I went down the stairs and had breakfast.

9:30 am- I wanted to go with them to the vet however I decided to stay to finish my online job requirements. Mom and Ginger was ready to go. I touched Ginger's face one last time and bid her goodbye as Dad scooped her up to the car. I told mom I would follow them at the vet after lunch.

1:00 pm - I called Mom to follow up on Ginger. She informed me that surgery already started around 11:30 am. I was shocked because it started early and she didn't even bothered to tell me. Woke my younger sister and informed her of the change of schedule.

1:30 pm - We left the house, rode in a taxi and went straight to the clinic.

1:50 pm - Arrived at the clinic. Surgery room was closed. I could only see some part of Ginger's body. I prayed that she would make it. I stayed positive.

2:40 pm - Doctor came out from the glass door. Told us that Ginger survived the surgery. Surgery took 3 hours. We were then allowed to see her. He excused himself to clean up. Ginger was lying on the table. The tumor on the side. They weighed it. It was 2 kg. For two months she was carrying that unnecessary weight in her body. Me, my mom, my sister and brother gathered around the table, holding our breaths. There was a big cut up in her belly but already stitched up. I gently touched her face and whispered "I love you and stay strong."

3:00 pm - Doctor came back and informed us that the next 8 - 24 hours were critical. And they would monitor all throughout the next hours. We stayed positive. In our mind and hearts, we wanted her badly to come home within the next 2 days. It was up to Ginger from that moment on.

3:30 pm - We bid our goodbye to Ginger, the doctor, and the staff at the Clinic. We went home and continued with our day.

6:12 pm - The doctor texted me if he could call. My heart just stopped. I replied "Yes".
Doctor: "Ginger expired. I'm sorry. We were able to revive her however her heart stopped again. I'm sorry."
Me: "It's ok. Will tell the rest of the family. Thank you."
I went down and told mom first. Tears welled up in her eyes. Then I told my sister. Her mouth dropped. I told Dad while he was in the shower. He came out with a bewildered face. He cried loudly. It was the first time I saw him cry like that. I then chatted my other siblings of the sad news. My older sister was still sleeping. She responded an hour later and cried. My older brother was at the restaurant having dinner with his wife. They both cried. To be the bearer of such devastating news, my mind went blank for 5 - 10 minutes. I became numb. I didn't know what or how to feel. I was watching my dad wailing so hard while sitting on the floor and my younger sister comforting him.

6:30 pm - I went to my room and tried to process everything. As soon it was sinking it, I asked my guy to video call me. I was shaking, holding back my tears. I tried to say something but words were not coming out from my mouth. My tears now started to fall. "Ginger. . .Ginger's gone. . ." As soon as I blurted those words out, I cried loudly. I was sobbing hysterically. I told him everything that happened. He cried with me.

7:10 pm - I settled down and discussed with mom what to do next. We informed the doctor that we will get Ginger's body. Although he offered that they could cremate Ginger, Dad wanted to bury her at our beach house. Dad was still crying. We arranged for my older to pick us up at home so we could get Ginger's body.

8:00 pm - My younger brother arrived home while we went to picked Ginger's body up. We were all silently crying inside the car. We dropped his wife first at their house. As soon we arrive at the clinic, the doctor calmly greeted us and said his condolences. We went to the surgery table and cried over Ginger's body. The doctors and staff gave us some time with her. Our tears won't stop from falling. Our hearts were stabbed. No amount of words could describe the pain we were having.

8:20 pm - We assured the doctor that we were going to be ok and we thank him wholeheartedly. We got all Ginger's things and carried her inside the car.

8:40 pm - We unloaded the car and brought Ginger's body inside the house. As soon as we laid her body on the floor. Dad started cradling her body and cried again. We all stayed in the living room as we mourn for Ginger's death.

9:00 pm - My older sister came home. By this time, Dad settled down after Mom told him that rather than be sad, that we should be just grateful for the time Ginger spent with us. We then discussed about the burial. My dad and brother informed their company for an emergency leave the next day. My brother was tasked to drive us to our beach house up north in Cebu.

9:30 pm - My brothers went home. Dad wrapped Ginger's body. I went to my room, drained from the turn out of events and cried myself to sleep.

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May 20, 2021

6:30 am - Woke up feeling heavy and tears began to fall right away. I sobbed. I calmed myself after 10 minutes. Went down to see Ginger's body. Just mentally trying to accept what happened. Within the next few hours, Mom and Dad was preparing everything for the trip. I initially decided not to go because of my pending job training. But I knew I wouldn't be able to function properly so I sent a message to that hiring company that I would have to drop everything and just reapply once I'm done grieving. I didn't stop crying.

10:00 am - We left the house. Feeling a bit better compared to last night's event but still shed some tears. It was a 4 hour long drive.

2:00 pm - We arrived at our beach house. We unloaded Ginger's body and things. Dad started digging Ginger's grave under a Kalachuchi tree. After Ginger's body and things (bed, bowl and leash) were laid down, we all gathered around and said our final goodbyes. My heart was becoming heavy with pain again but now it was a silent cry. They finished covering the grave in just a few minutes.

4:00 pm - While Mom and Dad were busy beautifying Ginger's grave by moving some of her potted plants to Ginger's grave, I opted to release the heavy emotions and energy by taking a dip at the beach. While swimming and deep in my thoughts, I blurted out to the Universe that I'm happy Ginger is no longer in pain and I know she is in heaven however I pray for the strength to endure the sadness and loneliness the me and my family are going through. My younger sister went for a swim too. We reminisced on a few memories we had with Ginger at that beach.

5:00 pm We left our beach house and travelled back to the city.

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May 21, 2021

All of us went back to our normal day to day activities however there was no such thing as normal for me and mom. What was normal for me was preparing Ginger's meals, giving her a bath, mending her wound, carrying her up and down the stairs, and giving her hugs and kisses every day since I started to nurse her for the past two months. That was my daily routine. And now, its not. I went about my day doing all other mundane chores, skipping all those things mentioned above while silently crying it all out.

Mom and Dad were hurting the most. Ginger was their favorite child. Mom was a stay at home mother. Ginger spent most of her life by my mother's side. Dad was the one who take Ginger on car rides, walks around the village and even made a custom bike for ginger so that the two of them can go biking. They had a hard time moving on.

I don't know if they had "what ifs" like me. . .

What if we just hadn't pushed for the surgery?
What if we just opted for her to die peacefully by putting her to sleep?

or whether they have guilt and thought that we should not have let Ginger suffer and hold on for that long, that we should have accepted and anticipated that she wouldn't be with us much longer, then we could have prepared ourselves mentally and emotionally with her passing.

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May 31, 2021

As of today, I no longer cry. I guess I ran out of tears at this point. I watched many videos on dealing with the loss of pets and the things that happen to their souls/spirit once they cross over. It gave me comfort and peace. It might sound crazy for others but I still talk to Ginger from time to time as if she was really here with me' hoping she could hear me from the other side.

I collated all Ginger's photos and videos for me to watch every time Ginger suddenly pops in my mind. I've learned that one should do everything to help herself grieve and this was my way of coping Ginger's death. Its no help to just to bottle up the negative emotions.

And now when I look at all her photos and videos, though I still miss her, I feel grateful for those 12 awesome years with her. She was our savior in the most darkest times of my family's life. She was our ultimate joy and happiness and even though she is gone she still makes us smile and brings us laughter while reminiscing our memories with her.

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Thank you for dropping by. Sending you love and light.

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Clara Pilca

_{Mermaid by day, Witch by night. Dive into Clara's world of bliss as she ventures out into the universe and travel to awesome destinations. Join her as she take on the road to self-discovery and limitless possibilities.}

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