Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.
Hit Rewind to start from Chapter One
Chapter 41
The devil made me do it, a classic by a great Dutch band. That´s how I felt when Stephie made me go to Sophia´s room. I wasn´t sent to kiss and cuddle, I had to tell her that as of tomorrow she would no longer be welcome in this house.
I felt awful, I would never send someone away, but there was no way to persuade Stephanie to give her a second chance "and that was not her fault but mine," were Stephie's exact words.
I had no clue how to tell Sophia this. She was planning to stay at least 3 weeks more.
As I was used to solving everything for everyone my mind was already racing, because even if she could reschedule....
Where would she stay?
Would she have enough money to last her till she got a flight?
I just could not bring myself to do this and went back to Stephie explaining that I really felt horrible about putting her out in the street like that with no place to go.
"She has a whole day, we have seen enough people leave us with only one day to find something, she will survive," she did not even blink.
Sophia and I had The talk and she was blown away by the news. Whatever I said at that time did not help, she was scared, angry, and blamed us. For which I can´t blame her, I still remember what she said the day she left; "You two should get things sorted before you bring someone new into your house."
The next morning I helped her get her luggage into the cab and explained to the driver that she needed to go to the bus station. I watched the car take of and knew she sat there crying. She did not look back but I saw her shoulders shaking and I felt sick to my stomach.
With no means of contact except for her Whatsapp and with no clue what to say I kept checking her status to see if she had been online. I was so worried that something would happen to her, I checked it daily for weeks, and kept frequently checking for months thereafter maybe even years. Always wanting to type something, never knowing what to say.
Timing is everything they say, and I guess this was just horrible timing on my side. Even though I could agree that you should discuss these things with your partner first before acting on them, I would not have done the same if things were the other way around.
There was nothing left that attracted me to Stephie as a person, except for her body maybe. She had lost all the sparkles that I used to see. Sparkles I saw and felt just talking to Sophia, a girl that physically was miles away from being my type.
There was just nothing left, not even lust could make me want to be intimate with my wife.
This went on for a couple of months I guess, till she told me that she had her needs as well. And that if I was not willing to fulfill those, she had to look outside of our marriage, and she had already done so.
She had met a guy online and she asked me if it was okay to see him at least once. I truly did not care, as long as she would do it safely.
What her question did do to me is think about Sophia, and wonder what if she would have been the workawayer coming next week? My mind should stop that shit, life is to short to go what if.
The lack of sex in our relationship really started to take its toll on Stephie. I noticed that when I had my best friend in Spain over. We were colleagues and he and his girlfriend were leaving Spain to go back to the Netherlands, hence the goodbye dinner.
Stephie normally did not drink, but she had a couple of drinks that night. She could not stop touching the guy and making compliments. She totally embarrassed them and me, it got to a point that it was so bad that I decided to play the "Sorry guys I am so tired, would you mind leaving" card.
Now that escalated quickly because she got furious, telling me how the hell I could be so rude. That if I would have told them to fuck off instead it probably had sounded nicer.
I did not even argue with her. I sat there, watched her and said nothing. That got her so angry that she took the car and left. She did not tell me where she went, and I did not know if she arrived.
The next day I got a text from my friend that she had slept at their place. I think she stayed there for two more nights. He and his girlfriend coached us to talk this through, not knowing how much talking already had happened.
I did not see a way out, no matter how badly I wanted to stay together for Kyrian. This seemed like a road of endless misery and nobody got better from traveling that road for a long period of time.
It was truly over, I did no longer fight her or tried to please her it was done. Still, this was a Hotel California Situation as I could not leave her.
When you truly hit the bottom that is when miracles happen and they did. They who planned my life must have seen and sent help.
Help came in two forms, and it was not until writing this today that I understand what the first form of help was telling me when it draw a picture with two lines and explained I was not on the right track.
As far as my Suisse Chees brain can remember it was also the last time I got a visit from an entity using my girlfriends as a radio, and you never guess who it was. Simply because I never mentioned Raven.
Raven was Stephie´s dog that died during our trip to the Lowlands festival. Her ex was taking care of the dog, felt bad about being away all day, and therefore gave the dog a bone. One it should never have gotten. The splinters of that bone pierced Raven's stomach and he died the next day.
Stephie always said raven was special, but I had only seen him twice. Until that night....
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Oh my god, that's just awful to send that poor girl away like that. I can totally see how she must have been scared. Did she leave you a workaway review? I can't even imagine what we'd have done if things would have escalated when we were at your place and you'd send us off with all our stuff and baby of a few months old. Gosh, poor girl didn't even have anyone to share it with, at least we had each other.
I remember you telling us that story about her being so touchy feely with that friend.. and that guy she found for her needs was probably your blessing in disguise :) I remember you being cool about it anyway when we arrived. Still find it funny that we ended up at your place, your life as well as ours had just made a huge change for the better... we all came out of toxic situations that we needed to break free from.
Did you ever speak to Sofia, maybe years later?
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Not going to spill too many beans atm, but the true blessing in disguise is soon to come. And even if it had escalated I would never had sent you guys away like that, but luckily you arrived when she was no longer in charge (although she saw that differently). I was very doubtful about sending Sophia away, I almost had said F U to Stephie, but it was just too early I was still not ready to give up fighting at that moment.
Three months later and it would have been a whole different story
Oh yeah she definitely felt she could control everything. It didn't take long for us to see that though. If there was no kid involved I'd almost say you should have left with Sofia to a hotel even if just for a night, to show Stephie she could F-O, but that would have made it worse for everyone..
I can't even imagine how exhausting it must have been for you all that time being locked in that bedroom (I can still see the room where that was lol, I remember that house well) and then not being allowed to leave as well as having to work etc.. A true bloodsucker ;)
I do wonder is she happy now? That you know? Does she have a good behaving toy boy that does what she says? :)
Well funny you ask, the thing is I can not tell you everything without ruining the storyline, what I can say is that she met an American guy probably 18 months ago. She went there for a couple of months leaving Kyrian in Spain he was 16 at that time. Kyrian spend 3 weeks around x mas with us, then some weeks alone with frequent visits by his grandma who stayed a couple of days every week. And the lady across the street was keeping an eye on him.
Still it made him fail school that year. She went again to the US that summer leaving Kyrian with her dad for months and with me for weeks.
The third time she went was last October and she had arranged that Kyrian would come with her. He had do the year at school for a second time and could re take some exams when he would get back after 3 months, I needed to sign for him leaving to the US, and I signed an okay with a holiday note.
Now guess what, 6 months later they are still in the US, she married the guy and they are hoping to get a green card. Then last week Kyrian texted me:
Dad can you help me?
To get the greencard I need a international or english divorce declartion. And my mom is sick and has a hard time getting that from here.
I really want to come to Spain, but the lawyer said it´s better to remain in the US till that the greencard is in.
So do you have one or can otherwise try to get one and send a scan?
So I was fucked because if I would say no, it was like I did not want to help him come to Spain. But I also knew that this was his mom using him to get something done she should have fixed herself before leaving Spain.
So I was in dubio, but I said if I had one I would surely send it, But I was not going to take care of something his mom should have fixed. That he nor I should be involved in this and that it was up to her to solve the problem.
I did not hear anything since :(
But coming to your point, marrying a guy in the US that you only know fro 18 months and have seen for 6???
I know she is impulsive, but this to me is asking fro trouble again.....
But Kyrian is happy in the US and he had asked me if I would mind him going to live there, and I don´t as long as he is happy. But they lied to me when I signed the note, and I would have wanted him to finish school here and have a plan for him when moving there. Atm it feels like they don´t so I am annoyed about that, but mostly about her trying to span me voor haar karretje, using Kyrian once again.
Is that enough intel on the bitch ;)
Oh my gosh, I did not expect this.. we should catch up in real life more often now that we are near! Djeez, so much info!
When I read about her meeting that guy and leaving Kyrian here several times for longer periods and then you needing to sign that document, I already felt where it was going. I know you would not have been able to prove her intend anyway, so you had little choice I guess, but gosh this b*tch is taking it to the next level.
She probably planned this all along knowing you'd not say no without having hard proof of her intend staying there, my gosh. I'm glad you are taking it well though, these things are enough to drive a person mad. It feels she's now making sure to let you know if you don't help her she will keep Kyrian from contacting you, pff. She's such a great example of what parents that split up shouldn't do. She would be a good one for my ex. Evil meets evil.
You know, Kyrian is happy there you said, he's at an age that soon he can make his own decisions and she's probably using the last tricks she can use to stay in control. But I have the feeling he may come to you within a few years. Maybe just for a holiday, but at least it would be his decision when she can't keep the reigns anymore.
So sad people do this though.. I feel ashamed for women like that. I know the other side myself, but I know very well that it's usually the mother doing this and gets away with it. She's the perfect example. I wish her a lot of stress around the green card (oops, did I say that)
Lol nah you didn´t say that it was us only thinking that.
But indeed I think that at a certain point when Kyrian is independent he will start seeing what happened and how his parents dealt with the situation. Then it´s up to him to draw his true conclusions. I am quite sure she told him, yous ee your dad doesn't even want to help you come to Spain this time.
I would not have minded sending a scan if I had one, itñs not like I don´t want to help out. It´s just that I am no longer there to clean up her mess. And I am sure at some point that will be clear to Kyrian.
We should catch up indeed, especially now you guys have a car but no hurry you are in Spain so we can do it manaña
Yay! 🤗
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