So there I was, alone in the house we were renting. Shantra had taken the kids to her grandmother's house were there wasn't really any room for her or our children.
Little did I know that this house would be the perfect reflection of the box of a life I created. The corruption and hypocrisy of all the groups and communities I had joined or had been associated with over my life time had dimmed my motivation or rather lust for life. From having a corrupt cop father who boasted about his mafia connections, seeing the blatant corruption in my own union and the countless broken promises all the politicians I ever voted for; only cemented my disillusionment with society. I had the wild and crazy idea that creating a family would create happiness for me.
Each one of my son's was consciously conceived. It was a powerful experience to consciously create two beautiful conscious sons. Somehow I went from making too much money, in the eyes of some, with no real motivation to do anything but eat healthy, live minimally and go to music festivals. It was quite boring. I wanted purpose greater that my job could ever provide. I found that with my children and Shantra.
In order to sustain this dream turned into reality I would have to start working more and working on a craft with in my union. I had chosen to work minimally and enjoy life as I saw most of the people I work with are truly unhappy or in a perpetual state of sickness. On top of that there is a short turn over rate.
Just like that I had to stop working and allocate my time to lawyers and losing my mind. I really didn't know and still am having a hard time processing how and why it all happened other than I choose the wrong partner to have children with. This person instantly went from providing all this strength and power to destroying everything that I helped create. Including the ability to afford this house as I 'fought' for my children with visits to lawyers and court.
I handled the situation in a typical but unhealthy way. By going to the bar with other people with similar problems. I found community there but it wasn't solving anything. This part is only relevant to the extent that I wasn't thinking as clearly or as calmly as should have. I was very reactionary.
I was encouraged to fight for my children through it all by everyone. Still to this day in fact. I found out early on how, as a father, you need money and lots of it to win for sure in family court. The common consensus was 10k was needed through the top family lawyer in town. I was told about a non for profit that helped men in Las Vegas and that they were a good option. Unfortunately, they ended up being a full blown woman hating group that are on extremely bad terms with the Las Vegas family court.
Through them I filled an emergency hearing for custody of my children. A 6 month wait process was turned into 2 months. Little did I know how pissed this would make the judge, how my family was utilizing a family friend who was a Native American family court advocate to conduct investigations behind my back about myself to cover up skeletons about my family who refused to deal with them when I wanted to 11 years prior when I found child porn on their family computer. Side note... Always call the cops or some form of authority when it comes to finding child porn on any computer unless you want to become even more of a victim to the sickos attempts at covering up their crimes.