Goodbye lass, we loved you.
Manfully, I wiped at something that could have been mistaken for a tear from the corner of my eye.
Daddy, will we ever see her again?
The Little Lady looked up at me mournfully as we stood before the starting place of the Good Lady's great journey.
I shook my head.
I am afraid not lass, from here she treads her own path. Where? No one knows. Life's great adventure cannot last for everyone. It seems as...
Guys, I am right here?!
The Good Lady cut off my impassioned philosophising on her death and subsequent journey to the wishy-washy egg-juice regions of hell she was no doubt doomed to languish in for her relentlessly naughty tongue antics in the bedroom.
Those were fine antics but a part of me wondered if it was worth her soul being damned to hell for eternity.
Ultimately, I guessed it was and I raised a hand in farewell as her journey looked ready to begin.
Hoy?! I am right here?! I am not dead. I am doing a sponsored bloody walk that's all!
The Good Lady reached out and tugged at my breast meat.
Hey, chuck that. These squeakers ain't for the milking, baby!
I clutched a hand to my right nipple which still stung a bit from where her hook-like fingers had clawed at it.
13 miles you say? Across these hills? In this weather. Not a chance. The badgers will be feasting on your remains before nightfall.
I blew out wistfully as I looked out at the hills on which the Good Lady was fated to walk.
She had volunteered to do a 13 mile hill walk for charity. In any other country, this might have been a jolly old wheeze. This, however, was Scotland.
A chill wind howled between the cloud-wreathed hills. Water gushed through a nearby ravine like sweat down a lady's camel-toe after a gruelling boxercise session.
The rain which in true Scottish fashion had held off until the very worst moment was beginning to crash down from the bruised arse of a sky.
You don't even get badgers in the hills?!
She pouted indignantly as she stood before me, her fluorescent running gear gleaming through the twilight of her years.
I felt a burst of pride in my chest at my girl, standing before me, so brave as she faced her doom. There was an element of Viking to her as she prepared for this last battle. No fear. No resignation. Just a fierce joy in a life well lived.
I grabbed her and pulled her close in for a hug.
I love you, baby. Don't worry, I will take care of the kids and find them an even better Mummy-Bear.
I let her go and gave her one final big smooch as the rest of the condemned women of the walk lined up at the starting line.
A better Mummy-Bear. Pfft, you are a prick sometimes.
The Good Lady huffed at me.
Anyway, see you at the finish line, darling. Enjoy yourselves today!
She hugged the children one by one then walked over to her coven friends.
I pulled the children close and we watched as the women set off to a chorus of horns and cheers. It seemed only moments before the mist swallowed them up and they were lost from view as they began their long walk to hell.
Come children. Let us head to the supermarket.
I gently guided them away from their old Mummy. The supermarket beckoned. There were always women there hanging about the fish counter. Or was it cats? No matter. I would find them a new Mummy soon enough.
Aren't you glad you didn't have to take the 13 miles to hell, miss the camel toe glory visions, and go have fun at the grocery with the wee ones?
I'm getting the impression that you're still having visions of bricking up The Good Lady so you can shed a dry brick dusty tear at her passing, while scoring a new model melon version at the grocery, I mean buying produce at the grocery.
I did enjoy going to the supermarket although that was later after we had pottered about in the rain for quite some time. We did go and see Stirling castle which was rather good. Not totally indoors enough for me though and the rain was bad!
Didnt see any decent melons either at the grocery, booo hiss :OD
That sounds like fun, pottering about in the rain. I bet they enjoyed it.
I looked up Stirling Castle...wowsas, wish I could see that in person. Rain doesn't make for a fun time in such places, especially not the wet weather over there. Newfoundland gave me a taste of that...brrrrr, never get warm, always feel wet.
Shopped at the wrong grocery on the wrong day at the wrong time in the wrong month, eh? 😏
Stirling castle is a cracker! We have another lined up for next weekend which should be good Culzean castle. Tis an old coastal one, not as big but different cool.
I need to recalibrate my melon detector, its not working :OD
Did you take pics of Stirling castle? I'd love to see. Also would love to see Culzean castle, just looked it up. How many castles are there in Scotland? Seems like you're surrounded by them. Canada seems to like to destroy things and use as landfill for some reason...so there's nothing like that here. This city though, has a complete underground structure of tunnels, including underground rivers, as I've been told by the little old (very feisty) neighbour lady that's lived here all her life. I'm skipping going subterranean exploring though, not my cuppa.
Is that what happens when you pass a certain age, or is it because you've got previous eye damage from camel toe sightings? 😏
I did get some pics! I am bound to post them. Although I want to post culzean castle too and that might mean my blog gets a bit castle'y lol.
I think there are loads of castles. I have only been to about 5. The biggie of course is Edinburgh castle which is quite magnificent. Then Stirling, Culzean. Trying to think of the others, I have defo been to another couple of ruined ones. They all blur together, lol.
I do like an underground escapade so that sounds cool app that stuff under the city. Although there is something quite terrifying about being deep out of the light!
I Will blame previous eye damage rather than age, hehe!
Castle catch it up, boast those brilliant beauties! I'm sure I'm not the only one that would love to see all that Scottish glory. Seriously. I love this sort of thing, just sad I can't see them in person.
You've been to five more that I have not been, but then I've never seen any. The ruined ones would also be very interesting, nudges some extra encouragement to go castle'y.
Weirdly enough about this city, there have been sightings of some kind of creature sighted in an entrance to this underground (whatever is down there). Said entrance is about a 15 minute walk from where I live. Hard to find information about it, but supposedly that entrance has been blocked up, not exactly sure when. The sighting was long before I lived here.
The last almost three years have given me time to dig into the history of this city, only to find out that there are a lot of strange, strange things about this place that I had mistakenly thought was rather dull and boring historically, as compared to where I'm from (call me biased). Underground rivers here, I would say that is accurate, based on tracking many creek offshoots during hikes that simply "disappear" underground. It's quite bizarre.
Ha! Good man, making the best choice there, eh! LOL!
Before and after the race.
Those Scottish challenges are hard!!!!
Truly it was like that! Or at least in my head it was too.
Like that with sore feet added in :OD
One thing to be sure of is that those egg-juice regions of hell won't be over easy. :)
Hoho!! Love it!!! You are damned right!!🤣🤣
I'd hate to even think about walking 13 miles nowadays... it's a long enough drive
I aint a fan of that distance walking either. Give me a five minute stroll to the shops and I am happy!
A 5 minute stroll.. that's what I call going to the refrigerator lol
That's because of that big massive fancy house of yours! :OD
Oh yeah.. real fancy.. it is big though.. to big
Nah, you will fill it up good and proper in no time!
It is hard to find a more manfully written story !lol
Its gotta be manful! :OD
Ha! I hope the good lady had a lovely time with her coven and that you were scratched at the meat counter in the best way possible :)
Hehe, one of the above is true and unfortunately (fortunately?) the good lady made it through unscathed!
I'm sure you both are stronger than ever now - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or some horrible saying like that ;)
Makes you stronger in HELL!! :0D
Haha! You won't be looking for a new mate anytime soon! When the good lady heard that, it gave her incentive to make it through and come back to haunt you for the rest of your days.
Besides, who else would look after your good health the way she does? That's love. Just so you will feel good for the rest of your days.
I hope you and the kiddos had fun at the grocery. Even though it is nice to have some time with the kids, whenever one is missing in the family, it is like a big gaping hole.
That is awesome that she volunteers to do that with no financial gain. Congratulations to her.
She's a keeper! 🙂
We did have fun and the Good Lady did too. They all had a meerry time despite the storms and the torrential rain. Thankfully she was well prepared for that although it got a little muggy whilst raining and they all had to take off their waterproofs for the walking.
We went to a castle then the supermarket, it was a good day all round!
I love walking in the rain! That being said, I have not ever walked 13 miles in the rain. That is the rub though, isn't it? The waterproofs to protect make it so much worse. And then you have to carry them.
The castle and supermarket win, but she is still my hero today.
She is my hero for it too :OD
Good call, Boom. Someone has to stay behind to care for the kids. I think that was even just as brave as trying the 13!
You're right, I am a damn hero! hehe
Sooooooo dramatic. !LOLZ Did she survive, are you widowed? Praying for you and the kids. 🤣🤣🤣
She survived although is a tired bunny. Now I have to run about doing stuff because she is soo tired. I am not saying she is milking it but... :OD
Hi @meesterboom , Haaaaaaaa ,When I started reading I thought, no, no, he's going to separate from the good lady, I kept reading and haaaaaaa it's just a walk, well I think so haaaaaa, I hope you don't find a replacement for the good lady at the fish market, I don't think so no whale can replace she haaaaaaa
I shall never give her up for anything less than a tasty piece of potato 🤣🤣
Thirteen miles is definitely a hike! What cause was she walking for? And why would they choose such an unlucky number, it's almost as if they were wishing ill on the group!
MacMillan cancer care. She bust her target which was good. 13 Miles is quite excessive!
I would love for their to be a nefarious reason for the input number but it's just because it is a half marathon distance!
Ah, that's right, I knew that! What I didn't know until I looked it up just now, is why the marathon is 26 miles... it's actually still not entirely clear, haha, there's several different versions of the origin story, most agreeing that it was originally 25, and none quite sure where the last mile came into play lol
I reckon, heaving run a half marathon before that I know where that extra mile came from...
An upper fucking sadistic bastard who knew that in the future poor fuckers would be running it for fun 🤣🤣
Dang bro, egg juice is quite hellish lol
I been thinking too much about life lately. Lets take it slow man. I enjoy your stories, you got too many funny quotes, to quote haha. Cheers to more stories and taking it slow bro.
!BEER
Takin it slow is the way to go mucker! Keep the chill on!
You really had me going at the beginning there. 13 miles? In the Scottish heathland? Nope I wouldn't want to do that so I can understand the badgers had a good feast. How was the fish counter lol?
I decided to take them to a castle instead, just in case the Good LAdy made it through... Which she did! :OD
That's great to hear, I'm glad she's a tough one. Castles are always a good choice! Extra points to you for that :)
I would prefer hiking in good weather rather than rain, but it could be rare in Scotland :)
I think when she initially agreed to do it she thought it would be the tail end of summer and be possibly sunny and not shit.
How wrong she was! :OD
Did you flirt around at the market, just to get ahead on the sorting process???
I thought you were about to say you would rather do the hike, since it would be easier than wrangling the kids about for 5 hours. 😆
I hope it all went well and you got the Good Lady back. Although parts of it sounds fun, breaking in a new partner is sometimes more work than the fun parts are worth.
In the end I am quite grateful that she made it and is quite proud and happy. You are right and it is quite hard work at the start of any old nonsense!
I think I would have rather done the walk though, I am frayed!
Oh come on, you didn't join in? @bingbabe does these all the time but they are running events. I have an excuse not to go.
I actually would have but someone has to child watch and looking at the weather today I am kinda glad 😀
Bloody weather, I want to go back down to Stoke tomorrow, but it's forecasting shit again! Still might go.
You should, sod the weather. You can never depend on it for anything!
Something inappropriate with a side of nsfw about rain and wind chill following a boxercise class.
Hey summing up chap, you got it bang on!! You will go far with this 😜
They should make a movie about that
Might as well, they got all the gif's for it already.
Its like reverse ninja marketing!
Bless her brave heart!
Got distracted there for a while when I came across some vivid imagery triggering words about something involving a cameltoe...
Anyway, a walk close to 21 Kilometers, that is quite impressive. Especially through a moraine landscape, seems very tough indeed.
She'd probably crave for a massage afterwards. And some special dinner with a wine too match.
With some flowers waiting at the finish line for her after about a 5 hour walk. You just cannot go wrong there.
5 hours to yourself, well almost to yourself. Enough time to find some awesome beer Saturday pearls too.
Have a great one!
If only. I have five hours of child watching and frantic running about.
We have had to drive up into the sticks for it so I might struggle to keep them entertained in this weather.
Funnily enough, your suggestions for post walk comedown are quite similar to what she said. I agreed to the wine. That's about it 😀
Keeping the kids entertained can be a tough parenting job. Especially when the weather is shait. Hope it all worked out well.
Think my other half would have suggested something alike. It might be a universal thing. 🤔
Most likely I would have haggled, with things like ordering in. "As we both had a lot on our hands today..."
At least the wine is settled. 😁👍
Cheers to a relaxing evening!
You are psychic! The ordering in has been agreed and she has finished and in the bath. I am quite proud of her as it might only have been a walk but in the hills in shot weather it was quite an achievement and she did it for her mum who sadly passed away recently.
Getting old sucks but wine and beer and all things nice help!
It only took them three piglets, a bucket and some truffels to foretell that. 🤫
Yes, I can understand.
Sad to read that, my condolences. And great that she did this in her mothers remembrance.
It sure does suck in a lot of ways to grow older. And the more reason to appreciate the good things in life indeed.
Have a wonderful evening!
Going to pop a cap or two this evening I think. A 'Kwak' Amber beer it will be.
Slàinte! 🍺🍷
It really is true that you get to appreciate life more the older you get.
That sounds like a fine choice of beer (I had a quick Google) strong too. Just the job!
Skol!!! :0D
It even had its own glass and holder. 😎 This one sure hits the spot. 😁
Proost!
Lol... Weren't we just talking about camel toes only a couple days ago? Camel toes and yoga pants if I recall correctly. And now, one of those things features in your post. Don't you just love it when a plan comes together?
Well played sir, well played.
Haha, we were able that was what was in my mind! Had to shoe it in. Thanks to you G-Dawg!! :0)
No no...We know to what the thanks should go. 😇
Heh heh, of yes. To all the yoga pants!!
Ohh yeah, you got me cracking. He definitely brings out the best in what he does.
He sure does.
You humbled me with this piece, I must say, you are perfect !!!
Hahaha, steady on! :D
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