Doors of Perception

in #life4 years ago

IMG-PHOTO-ART--2135646655.jpg

Huh??

I paused in mid-manful-stride from the Kitchen to the lounge.

There was something wrong. It was in the air, making my skin prickle with a yawning horror as if I had pulled on a shirt made of crudely sewn together lambs penises and too late noticed that some of them were still alive.

What is it??

I slowly turned on the spot to see what had piqued my spidey-sense. A sense in fact, that I was not aware I had had until that moment, despite the number of times I had issued sticky white stuff from my body,

This was odd. I could see nothing out of the ordinary?

I was in the lounge a couple of steps away from the doorway that led to the Kitchen.

The lounge looked as if a Giant had eaten several tons of children's toys and explosively shat them out on the floor but sadly, that was not unusual.

The kitchen looked like the kitchen. Nothing untoward.

I peered at the only thing left.

The doorway. Could that be what was wrong?

I took a hesitating step toward it. Yes, this was it. There was something wrong with the doorway but what?

Then it hit me. I gasped out loud and my mouth worked up and down frantically as if I was in a Vegan cafe eating falafel.

What in the name of fuck?! Where was the fucking door?!?!

I reached a hand out disbelievingly and stroked the door frame where our tatty old kitchen door had once proudly hung.

The frame was smooth. Unnaturally so. It looked like someone had filled it and painted over it?

I made a face as if I had added a whole egg instead of just the yolk to my flan mix.

The very thought was horrifying but it had to be faced.

Someone had stolen our door.

Some ape-like man-thing had come in the dead of the night and stolen our fucking door?

I needed help, big-style.

Mummy-Bear? MUMMY-BEAR, COME QUICK!!! HURRY!!!

I yelled.

What? What is it?

The Good Lady came padding into the lounge and stared at me the same way I stare at people eating figs.

Look!! LOOK! The door is missing!

I poked my finger pointily at the gap where once a door lived.

See? See?!

The Good Lady let out a small laugh at my distress.

Oh, that? Yeah, I took it off. Remember we talked about it once?

She tossed her hair casually back over her shoulder as she spoke as if telling George Clooney that she had remarkably small toes.

You did what? You took the door off?

I sputtered disbelievingly.

Did she think me an imbecile? Was she yanking my chain? Was I being punkd? If so, Ashton bloody Kutcher was heading for a sound kick in the haw maws.

Yes, I took it off. And I filled the gaps with that filler stuff and painted over it. Did a pretty good job I think... Why do you look so surprised?

She looked closely at me.

Oh hang on... Don't tell me you were thinking it was a 'man's job' and that no one else could possibly do it?

She arched an eyebrow at me and put a hand on her hip like some kind of door-removing super-woman.

I drew myself up to my full height and sniffed deeply in through my nose.

Of course not.

I lied masterfully.

That would be just plain silly to think something like that.

Sort:  

how are you dear friend @meesterboom good night

You are fucking friend, you have forgotten the conversation with your wife to remove the door, now she could do something else that she has in mind, she already knows that you forget the conversations.

I loved this expression, you are very witty.

¨a shirt made of roughly sewn lamb penises and too late I noticed that some of them were still alive¨
Have a splendid night dear friend

Cheers jlufer!! I quite liked that expression myself!!!

She is in a doll with all of this lockdown stuff. Everything is getting fixed or painted. I'm exhausted!!!

I imagine, painting is an activity, which unlike everyone thinks is very tiring, especially if you have to go up and down the stairs every so often, the good thing is that you save a lot of money on labor.
What you're doing deserves a good beer
have a great day

I am looking forward to my beer tonight! Hope you have a good one too mate!

"Why didn't you paint the garage while you were painting?" would have been a good snappy answer.

If you are sure you could afford the divorce lawyer...

That would have been a great answer. In fact am now wondering why the hell she didn't if she is suddenly gonna be the DIY'r!!

"Why didn't you paint the garage while you were painting?"

#ThingsSinglePeopleSay

Women I tell ya... hahaha!!! We unintentionally seem to spend our lives frustrating and confusing you men! lol.... between your missing door and @galenkp's new pink plates - I have had some serious giggles today!!!!

And as for the door.... if it was a "kitchen door"... who has those???!!!! :P

Speaking of giggles, I have been wondering where you are in my feed lately - it is like this place has algorithms or something.... lol, because I have not spotted a single one of your posts lately... and as this thought crossed my mind earlier, I had the intention of popping by manually - but then got distracted with commenting and forgot. After which I popped over to @evernoticethat's profile after receiving a comment only to be me with a reblog of one of your posts.... so thanks @evernoticethat... because I have missed the regular giggles offered by your genius @meesterboom!!

!tip


If you are looking to join a great interactive & supportive #HIVE community on discord that encompasses ALL content genres but isn't just a massive sea of spammers and plagiarists... then come and join us in the Power House Creatives Server

Oh no, not the dreaded algorithms!! That means we are going down a dark road!!! :0D

I am slowly getting used to a life without doors ;0)

... except for your throne no doubt? ;) haha!

That one can stay, lolz!!!!

.... Gimmi the good ladies number....

MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

juuuust kidding!

....that one can stay lol ;)

pfffff.....

Actually safer for families as a whole if that one remains ;)

Oh I would do all I could to encourage such behavior. Yes play into their feelings of superiority. Perhaps next time she will even mow the grass!

She tried that once and said never again. I guess it's not quite as chilled and relaxing at it looks!! Lol

It's ok, I bet George Clooney has small toes too

You know, I bet he does!!! ;0)

It has good loud action scenes. My final opinion is you afford divorce.

At least of o got divorced I could live in a house with doors!!!

Exelente post, a veces con los hechos demostramos lo que no queremos ver, porque la realidad es otra, gracias por compartir, te sigo.

Thank you very much!!

It could have been worse Boomy...She could have plastered up your holes and painted over them. How she might achieve that miraculous task without you noticing is beyond me, but one never knows with *door-removing super-women.

P.s. Avoid vegan cafés mate...Nothing good happens there. It's not for you.

I will never darken the door of a vegan cafe, not after the horror of the last time. Nothing good goes in or out when it comes to vegan cafes!!

She seems to have gotten the jump on me. I am doomed :O)

Your orifices will be plastered and painted in no time flat. Use them while you can.

Haha, I dont think she has the strength to face the stink-eye of Sauron!!!

Lol...Good point. It's prudent of her of course...One never knows what adverse affects coming face to face with Sauron's pesky stink-eye could have upon a person.

There can be nothing good out of facing such a sight :0D

I'm going to go ahead and take your word for it rather than tempt fate and experience it for myself.

Not so bad as now she can fix the rest of the house. Give them enough rope and they will hang themselves. Obviously feeling energetic and looking for things to do. Better in than out as imagine if she was one of those out shopping all day. Just keep quiet and count your blessings. Go watch a movie or something fairly loud so she wishes she had kept the doors on. Greyhound is good and has loud action scenes. Have a great weekend.

Hehe, Inever thought of that. Just let her loose and sit back with all these gnarly things I have been putting off getting done. Top idea!! Movie time for me! Cheers man, have a good one yourself and I hope you start feeling better!

Thanks. I am fine and couldn't have felt better yet the other two are morbid so and so's. Looks like they have woman flu as man flu has nothing on that. Still waiting on test results so honestly hope it is as this is a breeze if it is. They should be fine in a few days hopefully unless it is still kicking in. Fuck knows as I have no clue and nor does anyone else it seems.

You have disproved the man-flu myth, hurrah!!!

No one has a clue, its the horrible thing. Another day or two and hopefully everyone will be out of the woods

lying masterfully is a lost art

I think so. I'm trying to bring it back!

In your face.... If you want a man's job done, get a women hahahaa

It certainly looks that way!!! :0)

... and then Mummy-Bear asked ... "Can you grab me a couple beers and bring them over to the couch for me. I'm going to put my feet up while you take care of the little Booms". "Oh, can you grab me the laptop?"

Then, Mummy-Bear's Reputation on Hive jumped from 25 to 79 ....

That's exactly where I see this going!! What's left for me? I mean, I was going to do the bloody thing at some point. Now I have been neutered!!

Better not touch my beer though! :OD

'Open plan', or is it so you can find your way there a little easier? :P

I think it is an undercover attempt at unmanning me and replacing me with a dog or something!

Less defecation around the house? :O

Hahah, who has been talking!! Who has been letting the cats out of the bags!?!?! ;O)

A gentleman never tells ;)

On the bright side, if you do lose your place as the Don of DIY (Unlikely after the masterful shed/outhouse build and re-paint), you have more time for ale. Cheers!

More time for ale would be a fine thing. Although I cant see her letting me lie idle. I will be pointed at something else monstrous!!!

I need some help in the kitchen, you know, the room without the door :O

Hahahha. Door removing super power. That would be something. If someone is angry and tries to slam the door and close it in one's face.. Baam... Door removal initiated. Hahahha... Ah I can only imagine already😂🚪

I am wondering where it will all end!! Will all the doors be gone? Will I end up sleeping in a doorless barn?!? Yeek!!

Hahahha. You know what I imagine? A magic door instead of the magic carpet on which Alladin would fly over the world with this princess. Maybe that it the next suprise. Hahahhaha😂

Ah I have so much imagination🤣🤣🤣

You do!! I hope that kind of magic will happen. I could quite enjoy flyiing around on a magic door!

Hahaha, it would be amazing just for the lovely view😍

There is a 100% chance you are on at least one law enforcement watchlist

🎁 Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @jaynie!

@jaynie wrote lately about: A Little Trip Down Entrepreneurial Memory Lane... Feel free to follow @jaynie if you like it :)

Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.

Congratulations @meesterboom! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You got more than 62000 replies. Your next target is to reach 62500 replies.

You can view your badges on your board And compare to others on the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

Do not miss the last post from @hivebuzz:

HiveBuzz Ranking update - New key indicators