Can you take the kids to the supermarket? There's a bit of shopping to do.
The Good Lady barely glanced up from her laptop where she was furiously tapping away. It reminded me of when I was working except that my job sucked balls and wasn't in the least bit important.
Of course I can take the little beggars, darling. Show them how shopping is done properly. Man shopping. Probably come back in two days with lots of meat and smelling of vaginas.
I guffawed at my splendid humour.
Not for the first time I thought I would be splendid at stand-up comedy. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone not laughing as I would do a pretty good job of being my own enthusiastic audience.
Smelling of... Urgh, yes, whatever. Can you make sure to get eggs? We are clean out.
She tutted and went back to tapping away at her keyboard.
Eggs? Your eggs running low are they? Steaming hot shits, lady. What are you expecting? You are in your forties after all. No matter. I will get us more eggs.
I ran over to give her a peck on her cheek then proceeded to round up the children for the grand supermarket adventure.
Come my beautiful children, come. Step into the magical supermarket where dreams are born!
Outside the shop, I tried to avoid the two tramps who were fighting over a congealed kebab and waved grandly at my children to enter like a Circus barker luring in unsuspecting rubes.
The Little Lady dragged her feet as she passed the unfortunate kebab fighters, one of whom reached out his hand and attempted to fumble at the edge of her cardigan as if to catch her attention.
I pulled her onward and made a mental note to myself to return later with an axe and chop the fucking bastard's hand off.
The Little Boom ran beside us making a Vrrrooooooooaar sound as he whooshed his toy helicopter around his head.
We will be done here in two ticks guys and then we will get ice cream, how does that sound?
The children cheered as I grabbed a trolley and we began our supermarket sweep.
Mere minutes later I was torn from my examination of some whisky-infused smoked salmon by a fight kicking off between the members of my delightful brood.
Owww, my eye. you hurt my eye?!
No I didn't, you pushed me?!
Did not, you jabbed me with your helicopter?
I turned around and gave them the hard stare but they were both too caught up in fighting to heed it.
Guys, enough. Behave yourselves. I won't have shouting in the supermarket. In fact, I won't have you shouting at each other, full stop. Understand?
But Daddy, he started it?
The Little Lady wailed plaintively as if she were a slightly burst whoopee cushion deflating.
Enough.
I made a chopping gesture with my hand and waved at them to follow me on the hunt for eggs.
There, matter settled, now where were these fucking eggs? Why did they have to move everything about all the time?
You think that was SHOUTING?!
A small but loud voice roared behind me stopping me in my tracks.
Incredulously, I turned around. That roar, it sounded like the Little Boom? Nah, it couldn't be, he was only four years old.
But it was. Standing some twenty paces behind me and the Little Lady was the Little Boom, his face purple with rage.
I beg your pardon little chap?
I thought diplomacy might bring him back from the cliff edge upon which he was so clearly standing.
Is that all you got?!?!
He yelled at me through a face which resembled a large insane aubergine.
What?
This was new, the little guy had always had a bit of a temper about him but this was off-the-charts madness territory.
You want to see what angry is?!
He was shouting so hard that spit was flying in a way that would make a Covid feartie run for cover.
People were starting to look and some were chuckling at the spectacle of a flame-haired royster doyster giving his father what for.
I marched toward him.
Right little man, enough with the shouting. Come on, let's go outside to calm down.
YOU THINK THIS IS SHOUTING??!?! I'LL SHOW YOU SHOUTING!
With that, he started smashing his fists into some cartons nearby that I realised were eggs.
YOU GOT NOTHING!! NOTHING!! YOU HEAR ME! NOTHING!!
Egg slime whipped through the air from his fists as he raged on.
What the fuck? So that's where the eggs were!
You got nothing!
I swooped over and picked him up and huckled him toward the exit. All the way he raged in my arms and shouted further about me having nothing.
As we left the shop with the thrashing bundle of fury in my arms. I realised that I had finally become that parent that you look at pityingly in the shop with the nightmare children.
Oh well, at least I knew where the eggs were if they ever let me back in.
I highly recommend training in martial arts for the little boom. My eldest gained a remarkable confidence and immovability to anger from it. He grew tall and wide too, about 190cm and >20 stone by 13. It is then that immovability to anger is most desirable, as a testosterone poisoned black belt towering over your diminutive, unreasonable rules imposing form, who is moved to anger in a shop full of chainsaws and power tools you have trained them to use, can do a lot of damage. Of course one cannot back down, and as a manly father smelling continually of meat and vaginas I stood nose to chest with him and advised he put his balled up fists to good use (note: I am quite surprised I have lived to adulthood. Poor judgment has imperiled my life on many occasions, and Providence has left me unscathed when I should have been snipped in half and boiled in acid or similarly mangled more times than I have fingers. I concede this was one of the least reasonable things I have ever done) whereupon he did, spinning quickly about with the effortless grace of a Kung Fu Master and pounding a meat hammer through one of the 4x4 support posts in the shop.
Afterwards, walking away from our conversation unscathed, I cannot express the profound sense of gratitude to Providence I felt that he hit a post and not me. Martial arts FTW!
Thanks!
Ha! Great stuff!
I am firmly of the mind that martial arts are fantastic and indeed help with confidence and giving that ability to internalise (in a healthy way) outbursts such as that.
I did Muay Thai and then Kung Fu for many years and it changed me absolutely for the better.
I confess that I too have suffered from incredibly poor judgement at times and sometimes wonder how I made it to this point in life.
Martial arts FTW for defo!!
Cheers!
Goodness me!!
Yet another gem from MeesterBOOM! But how does he do it? I suspect with a highly-
torturedtrained pack of Cave Goblins skittering around and sniffing out pearls of wisdom from the rotting nether-regions of a hook-nosed witch.'Twas them I say! which provide the golden nuggets while laboriously arranging the puzle pieces for their overlord to hoard. Your secret is out BOOM! You've finally been unmasked.
source
LOL! Full on epic meltdown. I want to know what Little Boom meant by, "You got nothing". What a thing for a four year old to say! Perhaps it was all a set-up for failure before you even set foot out the door.
It is a travesty to be without eggs, but even worse to pummel them into a slimy mess to illustrate that "you got nothing".
#savetheeggs
They move things around in the grocery to test your mental capacity, to have staff ask you where their products are located (my experience last trip to grocery), and to give you the impression that the store is so full of bounty you're busting to buy everything and anything, even if it's not edible for humans. 😏
It was mad, he was talking like an adult wanting a proper fisticuffs fight. You got nothing. I was utterly baffled as well as mortified that he was yelling at me like I was a fud.
We need that #savetheeggs campaign to get into swing!
They do seem to move the eggs about more than other things right enough. I can never find the bastards and then when I do my son smashes them up! They were awfully nice about hat though.
Did you and the Good Lady birth a Scottish Scouser?
He seems to be developing all the habits that goes along with it! lol!
Maybe it was the chaps that were fighting over the kebab that inspired the tirade?
It might have been, he might have been thinking, hey that should be me out there!
Can you imagine him standing there screaming purple faced to the hobo guy "Is that all you got? You got nothing". I have a funny feeling you would be chopping off hands left right and center afterwards.
Maybe he was practicisg for a future hobo slaying career. I hope not. I don't fancyvisiting prison much.
Or them visiting me, the axeman in prison!
I totally agree with you on both points, best to make sure that you keep that ice cream treat after shopping as a nice reminder to not have fist fights with egg trays while out shopping.
I've never heard a child that age speak such a phrase, lol. Sounds more like a street brawl that leads one to question what was the preceding inciting action to elicit such bravado so loudly, so aggressively, backed up with fist smashing eggs. I can imagine you were well mortified while everyone is looking on, no doubt wondering, "what did you do?".
Eggs are one of the only foods I never tire of, so when it comes to egg wounding, I feel like getting on the egg warpath.
Some things are moved around more than others. I had that issue with cream for a while, drove me a bit nuts. Here though, they are moving a lot of product around every week. Who said shopping was fun? It's a torturous experience at any time. It's good they'll let you back in the store. Did you get any flack for coming back with no eggs?
It started to make more sense when I got back and told the Good Lady who in turn told me about his increasing obsession ith watching the same shows as his sister who watches all manner of crazy almost teen stuff which seems to involve a lot of mad crazy violence and shouting, ha!
I love eggs too, except paoched. I cant be doing with a poached egg. I love emelettes the most closely followed by boiled, yum!
Hehe, no flack, I not only came back I came back with eggs as I had to go back in when all was calm and apologise for smashing up the place and tunning out but no one apart from some customers noticed. Eggs aplenty!
Ahhh, the TV! It all makes perfect sense now. 😂 I was wondering if he was channeling American sentiments, lol. (Canadians don't speak like this, I think).
Poached I haven't had since I was a child, not my choice way of eating them, nor runny snotty whites either, LOLOL, ewww.
Awww, you waited and went back to apologize and get the eggs. A decent thing to do. Also, it saved your hide when you got home, LOL!
Runny whites, oh lord that makes me almost want to vomit on the spot!
I had to go back and apologise, the crazy victorian gentleman that I am :OD
I could mention some other things in relation, but today is "Maximum Laughs Wednesday" and such details would rain on the laughter parade.
Crazy victorian gentleman who likes to bash bricks, save the eggs, selectively indulge in only worthy liquors and spicy hot sauces with wicked arty designs on the labels, and grows bamboo...all in Scotland. Brilliant marketing campaign to bring in the tourists. Sell yourself only to the worthy high classed bidders.
The beggars reach out and claw you when walking past? They could be part zombie, some mutations take a few weeks.
Throw them some rotten meat next time, see what happens.
The rotten meat I throw them will probably be the last beggar that tried to paw paw ly little lass!
It was a bit annoying I must say. Scottish tramps can be quite pushy
What? You don't carry a hatchet everywhere? It's practically mandatory for us American frontiersmen! What if we were to encounter a Kalifornia Karen in the wild while unprepared?
I should carry one, it would save all this travel back and forth!
Note to self, add hatchet to car survival bag!
Hi @meesterboom ,Hahaha, your son has more balls than you haaaaaaa, well he is your son, what can we expect, he inherited your character :)
He has, I don't know how I'm going to keep him in check as he gets older!!
A man's shopping would be far shorter and quicker than that of a woman 😁
Not all women like shopping. I loathe it. I have a formula that eliminates most shopping and no, I do not send others to do it for me.
I tend to find that that is the case! With my god lady at least! :0D
I appreciate that, sometimes i avoid shopping with my family.
Sometimes I do too for my sanitys sake :O)
Oh my god. I only ever had one placid, obliging, gentle, non tantrum throwing child so kudos to anyone who can deal with this malarkey. I shit you not, kid had ONE tantrum at two, and I was so surprised I stomped my feet back, resulting us falling down in fits of giggles. He did have a minor hissie at 7, when we lived in a truck. His bedroom was in the Luton, with a curtain giving him a modicum of privacy. He stormed up there and did what any annoyed kid would do - slam his door. Except his 'door' just swished. A second later I heard muffled laughter, realising the ridiculous of both the tantrum and the ineffectiveness of it. A priceless moment.
Ah, how I long for placid!
I love those moments where someone if not yourself is mad and does something to demonstrate it and it fall on its arse and you just cant help laughing as it breaks the moment!
Oh dearie me, that does sound rather spectacular. Don't they have different sayings for the different years. Terrible two's, Terrible three's, Fucking Terrible four's?
I sometimes feel bad for kids, they have all this energy and emotion and sometimes they just don't know what to do with it. Sounds like the teenage years are going to be uhhmmm feisty. I take it that ice cream was postponed on that shopping trip. Hope the little guy was able to calm down some, often they go from raging mad like that to tearful, I hope you both managed to find some middle ground.
That is exactly what I will go for although he is nearly five. My god man, the temper is huge and I thought that people jested when they said that redheads had a temper on them.
The emotions they have are so very big. We did end up going for ice cream but only after a good hour of him shuddering and sobbing with the aftermath of being a nutjob. Its a tough life being a kid!
🤣 Redheads can be hotheads for sure. Shame, from what I read in the other comments it sounds like he was acting out some influences outside of his age bracket, they pick up these things like sponges especially from videos.
It must be hard when you're so little and I mean even as adults we sometimes get overwhelmed by emotions, so expecting toddlers to hold it together 24/7 is a big ask. Shame, I thought that the anger would lead to a crying meltdown, that's the come down I guess but it is good to let him work his way through it. I read an article once about a kid who lost the plot because they had lost their favourite toy. In his mind it was the end of the world and he went through all of the emotions. The mom explained it as going through the dark night of the soul but for a kid, where they literally experience a huge grieving session all in the space of a few hours because they are processing everything at once and it all comes out because they haven't learned any coping mechanisms yet. These times are the opportunities as parents to teach kids resilience and how to navigate through that dark tunnel so that they can get to the other side. The good thing is that kids tend to be very forgiving of others and themselves so once they get through it, they tend to move on quite quickly.
The poor little tike though, I am sure that the ice-cream after all of that probably was the best thing to soothe his soul and heart. Well done Meesterboom, he'll grow up to be a fine lad.
Man the brat has no fear! How old is little boom now? If it makes you feel any better I too was this parent this weak. Little mimi proceeded to shout and cry everytime I touched something she didn't want in the store. I empathise Boom. Might be time to send them both to boarding school!
He is almost five so I can assume he is getting a grown up temper now, lol.
I often think boarding school when I am down in the dumps with being that parent. What age is little Mimi?
i wonder where he gets it from.
Both I and the husband have tempers ( i like to think we are very passionate people - lol) but have slowed our roll a lot with the kid. Little Mimi is 4 in Dec. We have almost survived out a year of threenager, temper tantrums. She can also e very sweet and is asking for a little sister!
Boarding school seems like the least evil option in those moments! !LOL
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Just about a year younger then! Aw, its a lovely age. Despite the occasional madness I do love them at this age. They are so cute and curious and downright amazing.
I think the little boom is happy with his current older sister, one of the Good Lady's mummy friends came round with a 4 month old the other day and he got mad jealous and insecure!
Boarding school would sort them right out!
The absolute best! I love how the cogs are turning, and little inferences are made. So witty and smart. But they have to earn their keep somehow if they will get meltdowns!
LOL, he loves being the little one. My nephew has a kid about 6 months now, and little mini loves her. I think it marked the sister talk. Plus, it must suck being the only kid. I don't know if I want to, though, feel like I'm just getting a bit of freedom back! Newborns are not my jam!
Ooft, I feel you there. Besides the nightmare of pregnancy for all those months the first two years are rough rough rough! Then again, if yo get in quick you can be done with it and then the rest of your life can be super non baby chill. lol!
I do love seeing them make their connections and figuring things out. Its magic.
Did he learn those phrases from you? That sounds plausible. I have a boy+girl combination too and they did fight a bit, but maybe I have erased the worst of it from my brain. There were a few tantrums though. They are both grown up now.
I am ridiculously civilised around them so I can only think that he got it from some of the trashy anime style American shows that my daughter watches. Some of them are mental with zombies, guns and end of the world madness!
I cant wait till they are a bit older but I will miss the little stages as they can be so adorable really.
You there yet?
On my way to London right now. Allowing plenty of time as I've not been on Eurostar before. It is a bit early for me. Some people are already there.
!BEER
I have been on Eurostar in France and Rome. I quite liked it. Better than our average train! Safe travels!
My first time. Just emerged from the Tunnel in France. Changing in Brussels.
View or trade
BEER.Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @steevc for you. Enjoy it!Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the
BEERKING.Ahh, the ol chopping manuever lol
Dam man, its funny that the cycle of young arseholes repeats. We grow, learn, try to teach, but yet little monsters will be just that. Oh well lol, still an adventure to cherish!
It Tissot is a never ending cycle!! Same old same old every generation! Madness. One day things will be different except probably not!
Hope you explained to him that's why he got no ice cream XD
Youngest has done similar things to me on occasion (but generic epic screaming fits in the middle of the supermarket rather than massive speeches XD) so you have a lot of sympathy XD
I have had the screaming fit on many occasions. The speechifying was just bizarre! I hope not to have such things again. I almost felt out of words to respond with!
You? Out of words?
Hehe, it almost was the case. I could've believe it myself!!
Ah yes. The cut little babies do tend to grow up. I had a cute baby boy once upon a time. Before long he as well lost his temper in the store. I had to take him in my arms and the little shit ripped off my glasses and gave them a fling... Well the good news is he is 22 years old now and my right hand man...until he once in a while turns into a lil shit again lol. These are good times, Boom. Enjoy them.
I am enjoying them, even the mad bits!
I have had the glasses thing done. I think that had me on the cusp of having a tantrum myself!
Hahahahhahahha. I haven't had the token shopping meltdown yet but I have as why the man in front of us had a wonky eye. He overheard and told her the exact reason for the mishap he had in the workplace with a nail, a plank and a hammer. Tots awks.
Ooft!! Mine have asked why people are so old etc and other such delights in a dead loud voice. I am like feckin shoosh!!
I hope you enjoy the shipping meltdown when it comes or escape it!!
Makes me wonder if they still got their ice cream...
I scream
you scream
we all scream...
We screamed but the ice cream grass to wait till later. Nightmare!
It's a good story but I smell something bad
Probably all those smashed eggs :)
That's cool
Cool as chips!
Maybe more than that I think 🤔
Just a touch :)
Alright
Back in my day I've have gotten a good ole attitude adjustment right there in aisle 6.. bare assed and with a belt.. course that's frowned upon nowadays..
So would I. So would I. Its illegal here now! Everything is illegal here
That's why Litte Boom ain't afraid of you.. this is him when he figures out you won't really leave him there
Wahahhaah, that was pretty much him then!
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