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It's not a ground squirrel but I suppose I could try to teach it how to leave the trees alone and start digging holes...

Or eat it....

That would take A LOT of mustard.

Add some spicy chillis to that mustard, then you're talking.

"Then you're talking."

How? Do the fucking chillis turn into words nowadays? Goddamn gmos...

They can if you eat too much ghost pepper. I can confirm this from experience.

I don't dabble in peppers. It's always a bad trip after. Especially when the closest establishment selling antacids is often two hours away or more. That drive sucks.

I fear it has already dug it's own hole

The Holey Shit.

Aint no better shit!

The shit flies when the sky dies. I repeat. The shit flies when the sky dies.

The shit is dying and the skies are flying.

Roger that. Engage!