Guys, we have something important to discuss and that's why I set up this call.
El-Jefe looked at our faces on his screen and nodded thoughtfully as if he were looking at one of those magic art pictures that depicted happy dolphins and all he could see was metallic penises.
If you wish to buy a hidden 3D art picture of lots of metallic cocks then head on over to here and pick one up!
It's coming up to Christmas and we have to discuss the important things. The things that matter...
El-Jefe's screen went dark.
I looked around at the rest of us on the call. It was a motley bunch of ICT folk that had the misfortune to report to El-Jefe. Benny No-Bum, Wetty, Kipper, BinJuice, Half-Can Dan, Bernie-the-Woman and Skeletor.
I think we have lost the boss-man, chaps. Shall we close the call?
As ever my first instinct on any call was to find an excuse to close that call.
My finger hovered over the End Call button.
Perhaps we should wait a moment longer?
Bernie-the-Woman squeaked womanishly.
Note: Bernie-the-Woman was an actual woman. Just not at first glance. Hence the nickname.
Double Note: A nickname that I am exceedingly proud to have given her.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!
El Jefe's screen clicked back on and showed him now wearing a novelty santa hat and fluffy white beard.
Eh, boss man, what the fuck? there are two months still to go till Christmas!?
I looked heavenward in the forlorn hope that perhaps a trumpeting angel would sink through my ceiling and offer me a glowing hand out of this damnable existence that I was living.
I know! But its never too early to plan the Christmas night out!! HO HO HO!!
A wide grin split El Jefe's face almost in two and he looked to be in eminent danger of emptying his sack of presents.
The night out? I didn't think we were having one. You know, COVID and all that shit?
I looked at the others for help/inspiration.
Fuck COVID. I could do with a good blow out.
Kipper weighed in. His checked shirt was playing havoc with my blind spot and my brain kept screaming danger every time I looked at him.
Well Kipper, Boom-Dawg has a point about COVID. Rates are shooting back up and all that and maybe people have reservations about going out.
El Jefe stroked his luxurously fine fake Santa beard.
Which is why, I have a plan!
He smacked his hands together as if he were commanding a genie from a filthy lamp.
A plan? Oh, how exciting!
Squawked Bernie-the-Woman in an attempt to get a wage rise.
Oh yes, surprise us with your surprisenings Mr Amazing Boss man.
I too attempted a bit of flattery. Money is money after all.
El Jefe preened, his top lip trembling slightly with the joy of being wanted.
I suggest we have the Christmas night out...
Somewhere a drum roll never happened.
In my back garden!
A silence gaped between us all like a terrible wound.
A Christmas night out... In your back garden?
I tried my best to not to look as if I had eaten something putrid, like a banana.
Yeah!! I have a gazebo, comfy chairs, a fire pit and loads and loads of alcohol. It will be fun! And no one will have to worry about being crammed in a really busy crowded pub. Go on, what do you say?
I opened my mouth to protest that I had never heard of an idea so indubitably shit in my entire life and that there was no fucking way on earth I was going to his house for a Christmas night out to sit on a plastic chair in his garden in the pissing cold Scottish winter rain.
Great idea, boss!
Awesome, I hope you put on some good food!
Pizzas and beer. Hooray for El Jefe!
My colleagues all laughed and clapped and made emojis of sheer joy.
Ho ho ho!!
Cried El Jefe casting his eyes over the disgraceful mess of humanity cheering his name. Then his eyes met mine.
Boomy! Are you game?
He called jovially like a big fat Santa bastard.
You want me to come up your back garden for Christmas?
My face twisted at the words.
As did his.
Um, well yes.
He replied, his eyes narrowing slightly.
Ok, then. I will come up your back.
I said with nary a hint of humour.
Ahem, yes, that would be great.
He sounded a little uncertain despite the cheers of the weak in the background.
I nodded grimly.
So be it.
A get together with all the people you get together with 5 days a week and dislike! Sounds awesome. Make El Jefe regret this.
I will. I can hardly believe that instead of a big vibrant pub where we normally catch up with other teams and it becomes an uber night out has turned into eating marshmallows from a stick in a garden with the deadbeats. Aaargh! Something will happen to his toilet. I swear :OD
Throw up in one of his shoes. One in the cupboard.
You know that would work, people always throw up at these things. All I have to do is take a bottle of Sambuca to hasten the effect. Might be able to get a gang of throwuppers!
Sambuca early on - Jäger in the later hours.
I am starting to feel slightly nauseous already! My last outing was like that and I was sick for hours. Blegh
!PIZZA
My hero-self inside my head:
My coward-self in the real world:
Literally true for everyone in this world. Lmao 🤣
I know, its a sad state of affairs. In your head you think, fuck this and leap on the table and demand something different. In reality it is Yes boss, ok boss lol!
!PIZZA
Haha yeah. The imaginary arguments we have in our heads where we always win and always make the other person look foolish.
...and then I said these 3 awesome things, and he was all like "umm... ummm... okay fine, you win." And I was like, "yeah. That's right bitch. I thought so." and then everybody in the room cheered and lifted me up on their shoulders and we all stormed out of the office and went to the bar. Ahh man, it was so good. You should have seen it.
That's the story of my life in a nut shell😂
That is mine as well except my inner stories are more violent like something from a marvel movie!!
It might be best that it is all in the imagination :0)
Haha yeah that's probably for the best.
;O)
Does it ever stop raining there? I thought it bad here.., but then I see that large racked Scottish woman Carol Kirkwood telling us so.. it must be!
It stops in June! Almost, sometimes.
Winter is bad, it hardly ever spa and everything gets covered in mould and moss. Nightmare!
She is the new spokesperson for Scotland!
!PIZZA
Should be a good Crimbo do at El Jeffe's place.
Thats like a before shot for somewhere you would investigate!
I am sure I will have so much fun I will shit myself into a coma
Heheheh, bosses... The one group of people everybody wants to headbutt, them and mother in-laws and co-workers and government officials and policemen and oh shit.. everybody else 🤦♂️
Everybody!! Everybody wants to headbutt them.. and worse! :OD
!PIZZA
This reminds me of a Christmas party in my bosses back yard a couple of years back. Great food, lots of alcohol and a hot tub.
I could tell more ...
But a gentleman never tells ... and the blockchain never forgets.
A hot tub!! Now that might be a different thing. If there were more ladies going and in fact more people!
It might be alright actually. I think I am just being a grump by not being allowed ot romp about in town like normal
Damn that blockchain and her sweet long memory! Sounds like a good un though :O)
!PIZZA
In Canada (and likely all over the world) ... alcohol can make the idea of hopping in an outdoor hot tub when it's -35 seem like a good idea. It's rarely getting in that's troubling ... it's trying to get out when every part of your exposed body freezes. (insert more alcohol here)
My boss keeps swimsuits/trunks of all sizes close at hand so if that's your only excuse - it's nullified - in ya go.
!BEER
Lol, nothing like being a prepared boss!
It gets fair cold up here which is why I have always been surprised that hot tubs are quite a thing. As you say though, alcohol does wonders for people's bravado at getting in and out of the things!
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You are right, I should be shouting it from the rooftops!! I am obviously frightened I will be closed down for dubious sexual identity humour! :OD
!PIZZA
Damn dude. I never noticed how many followers you have. Any idea wtf they see in you?!?
HAhahaha, I have no idea! Probably most of them are dead but it is a nice number all the same! :OD
He's never going to see that one coming is he now? ;)
LOL
Heh heh, never at all!!! :0D
Oh joy!
I would rather pack my rectum full of M80s and squat over a flaming hibachi....
Fucking hell, that sounds awesome. Have you ever considered a career in Garden Entertainment! Miht be shortlived but I dare say you could command the big bucks! :OD
!PIZZA
Ha , ha , ha ,ha, ha, Please, what is wrong with your boss with you? He should give you a good promotion, or could it be that he wanted to look good with others, imagine, he lacks time, as you say and he is already thinking about being close to you ha ha ha ha , ha, I better not do what I think ha, ha, ha, ha, hey, you look very funny about Santa Claus, I laughed too much looking at your face ha ha ha, I'm going to let everyone who follows me see you, well I don't have too many, better for you.
A hug, and take advantage of the kindnesses of your boss ha ha ha ha,
I think he has promoted me far enough to keep him secure and safe. One day though, one day I will usurp his throne and laugh manically!!
Well, actually no, I don't think I would want that
Cheers! !PIZZA
When they talked about Santa, I thought it was that he had dressed up as Santa for hallowen, hahaha
I seem to have seen some dolphins
Dolphins? Goodness me, this is serious. You better get that checked out! ;O)
I wouldn't have been surprised if he had!
!PIZZA
Yikes! Just wear protection. You just never know.
I shall wear El Jefe as protection... ;0D
As long as you know where he was last.
What is up with your COVID cases there? Seems like new cases every day?
Our COVID cases are sky high because the Government relaxed all the restrictions. Mask wearing is voluntary. Its a pure shit show. We were doing well with the vaccines but because they were working they just bowed to the pressure and opened everything up. We are fucked and no doubt there will be a winter lockdown again. Buggers
Mass vaccination offered a promising exit strategy for the COVID-19 pandemic. As the vaccination progressed, the restrictions were lifted to meet the demands - and they are back again. I worked all through the pandemic, which, in itself was pretty intense some days, and I am pretty sure that this winter will be seeing lockdowns as we are starting to see a bumper crop of flu, unlike last year when there was a lockdown.
If I were a betting woman, I would say you should get some exciting board games for the kids for Christmas.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
I have already been eyeing up some of the classics!
It's funking astonishing how expensive they have become. At the risk of sounding old, I am sure they never used to be so expensive!! Maybe it's the pandemic to blame!
Ha!! They are ten steps ahead of us! It is the booming demand all this year that has board game companies ramping up their investments and increasing their production capacity. I bought some Hasbro stock in a day trade a few weeks back and sweet Jesus! I killed it. I wouldn't want to hold it, but, I agree with you, they are way more expensive now!
I'm looking for a good game, outside of the normal Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders and Sorry!
FYI: The Pandemic is to blame for everything!
Oh that sounds like loads of fun...haha!
That's crazy awesome that you still get to work from home though! Is that a permanent situation?
Aye, it seems so. They are talking about a blended approach now. Getting us in a day or two a week but that is still a bonus. I love rolling out of bed and into work as it were! :0D
Hell yeah, nothing better than your office being your home!
Its a nice commute!
Indeed. Wearing masks will be mandatory again from 2021.11.01 on the public transports in my country (Hungary). And it became mandatory again in my workplace in the previous few weeks.
Oh man. That's rubbish. They have relaxed everything here. Although to be honest I think they have relaxed too much. Our numbers are sky high again
Someone shall tell El Jefe that no one cares COVID anymore 😁
It's true, they totally don't!
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