The JAG

Daddy-Bear, Are you ok!?

The Good Lady rushed toward me, concern dotted on her face like rabbit droppings.

I stood, swaying near the front door, a letter printed on bland recycled paper in my hands.

It... It's my vaccination. I've got an appointment?

I said in a wobbly voice.

But that's good... Isn't it?

She tried to look delighted as if it was good news but deep down I could tell she was already mourning my passing, perhaps mentally picking out a nice dress to go with the flowers on my coffin.

I wandered into the lounge and flumped down on the nearest chair, staring into space.

Was it good? For ages, I had been whining about lockdown and how although I wasn't necessarily a fan of the vaccine I would do anything to get out there and start rubbing my nuts on things again.

But truth be told. When I had opened the letter just moments before and saw that I was being told to go and get it, I had literally shat myself. 'Literally' in the way that idiots use the word, I mean.

All of the daft Hive posts I had read and downvoted for being full of nonsensical hysterical shit about Covid and the vaccine came back to haunt me.

Was the Gover-Cement really going to make me wear a girdle and ride me like a horse?
_{^{What the funk is Govern-cement anyway? Is that meant to be clever?}}

Were the vaccines really a front for an untested alien software operating system delivered by injection??!

Would the crazies who refuse to have the vaccine or wear masks and shout that they are being censored when they get downvoted be the only survivors on this crusty ball of dirt that flies around the sun?

Was the vaccine really going to kill me to death with clots?

I let out an involuntary sob.

The thought of surviving the pandemic with the vaccine deniers and mask refuseniks hurt. It hurt bad. I would be like Charlton Heston in the Planet of the Apes except that I doubted if any of the other survivors would be capable of giving me the sexy ape eyes that he got from that Dr Zira chimp woman.

No, I couldn't do it. I couldn't refuse the vaccine and be left with all of them being forced to have degrading non-monkey sex.

I would rather take my chances with the vaccine.

Anyway, what was one of the outlandish claims? It was an untested dangerous alien software laden injection designed to enslave humanity?

That sounded kinda cool.

I grinned up at the Good Lady and stood up from the chair. Placing my hands on my hips, I looked off into the distance as if hunting for pirate ships.

Fuck it. You are right, it's great news. Im in!!