Ulysses

in #life2 years ago

1650625359676.jpg

So, guys. There are no more Covid restrictions at all. Is it time for a big night out?

On screen, El-Jefe rolled around in his chair like a Seacow having a fit over how much hot sauce is the right amount of hot sauce for a taco.

It was the Friday Teams rammy. There was about eighteen of us on the call and the screen was awash with thumbnails of folk in slobby t-shirts with unshaven faces.

The men were no better.

A night out? Aye, why not.

I said chirpily.

Although I would rather eat rancid meat from a tramp's buttocks than socialise with my work colleagues it had been a hard and long Covid lockdown and I felt it might be good to go out and clean the pipes, as it were.

You are not so usually keen on these gatherings young Boom-Dawg?

El-Jefe twitched one of his stubby flippers at me via his camera and chuckled thinly like an asthmatic emptying a hoover bag.

Ever since I had turned fifty years old El Jefe had started calling me young this or young that. As if his balls were immune to my boot.

I tilted my chin up like the way I used to when slipping through the night waters of an enemy encampment with a knife in my mouth.

Needs must old boss man, needs must.

I smirked.

Let us see who would win the old/young game. El-Jefesaurus had at least five years on me. He had gotten to that hangy paps stage of getting old.
Paps being of course that wonderfully coarse Scottish expression for boobies

El-Jefe growled low in his throat before remembering he was pretending to be the convivial boss that all his employees loved and quickly pulled out his best fake smile.

Well, I am glad you are game. So, is everyone else in agreement?

He looked at the gaggle of tramps and vagabonds that were on the call for approval.

We had a lot of new staff, Most of them young flibbertigibbets. They all nodded enthusiastically like Russian Army Generals having an audience with Putin around a gigantic table.

One of them, a pallid ostrich looking thing unmuted himself and spoke.

Hi Boss. Yeah, like, that sounds cool. Like are you on to that music bar, The Note? We could go there, it's really cool man.

He sounded American or Polish and also lazy but that's the young for you.

Ah yes, Ulysses is it? I could check it out. Somewhere different is always good.

El-Jefe in his desperation to look cool took his turn to nod like a sixties beat poet in San Fransisco.

I snorted. Ulysses? Fucking Ulysses? What the fuck was this, the 31st century? Did he have a small robot called No-No?

Yeah man, that would be awesome. I know the guy that runs it. I could get in touch with him, get us some tables or something man?

Ulysses jiggled his body whilst talking as if he were playing drums in a bin trying to impress Lars Ulrich.

El-Jefe beamed with joy at being accepted by one of the young crew.

Yes, I mean, if it helps you could pass on his email and I could drop him a mail with the numbers?

El-Jefe raked a hand through the sticky mass of nonsense on his head that he called hair.

Ulysses jerked back in his chair then guffawed hard.

Boss man. You know absolutely no one under the age of thirty opens an email? I mean, you know that right?

He shook his head at the email opening antics of those unfortunate enough to be born on the wrong side of the 21st century.

El-Jefe's eyes bulged, his good-guy demeanour slipping slowly from his face.

Maybe we should make a bloody Tik Tok video then and do a stupid fucking dance and send him that? Would that work Uly-Uly-bang-bang?

I helpfully interjected.

El Jefe waved a hand in front of his eyes confusedly like a poor wretch stumbling out of a dark and deserted hospital only to find the world has succumbed to the zombie apocalypse.

Then he pulled himself together and glared at the camera no doubt at the precise spot where Ulysses's thumbnail lurked.

Enough. I will sort something out. By email.

He ended the call.

Oh dear, poor Ulysses. I think El-Jefe might have found a new pony to ride.

Sort:  

Ooh, a night out on the town with people you’d rather not engage in frivolity with, I await the post socializing report with sooo much anticipation!

Also, thank you so much for giving me a milestone to look forward too! When I get to hangy paps age I’m going to use mine as weapons!!

!PIZZA

I know, what utter excitement lies ahead!!! I keep it a secret but there is a couple of us that have a laugh on a night out. Hopefully we all still have our chops

I can see it now, the whirling paps of doom!!! :0D

I long for the return of numbers only ICQ.

Is your team all guys? How do you create (remote) office scandal on staff nights out these days?

I am totally out of the loop but am now proud that at 55, I barely ever even look at , or get emails except from nubile 18 year old russian girls looking for love and free gift cards for Ann Summers.

Of course, that could because I have no friends..

Have a wonderful weekend , hope the ballet is coming along :-)

We don't have many women. There are a few but only some token ones in my team. It is like the team of the damned. Still when we have nights out we often have many teams and as such there is much scope for scandal!

Ballet is our Saturday morning tradition! Still going great!

Funnily enough, I seem to be getting the same emails. Some of those young russian ladies can be awfully coarse :OD

Hope you have a good weekend mate!

We have been asked to come to the office Tuesday's and Thursday's, then from home Mon/Wed/Fri. To sweeten the deal, for the near future, they are providing pizza for lunch on Tuesdays. Just to get us in the door.

After all, it's real easy these days to simple say ..."cough, cough". .. Can't some in, I have symptoms.

A drink-up with colleagues isn't in the works yet ... we're likely a month behind you on that.

I think that's the ultimate aim for our place is a Tuesday and Thursday in the office and the rest at home. Pizza though, that is dashed good of them! That would entice all the shirkers in my place in!!

It's amazing how complex it started getting later trying to pin down a date. It was going to be really soon but everyone is taking foreign holidays just now whilst they can because they have been starved of them and they are terrified there might be another lockdown at some point! It's looking like the end of may now!!

We do have a cautionary tale at work though. One of the founders got covid (pre-vaccine), tried to weather it out at home. After a month, finally went to the hospital. He refused intubation and any other extraordinary measures so stayed in the hospital for a month. Was released to a rehabilitation centre for a month. (Until he was well enough to walk up a single flight of stairs). Then returned home.

He was a very fit man, full of energy and vigor. Now, he has a pronounced wheeze when he talks and can't walk more than 100 feet before he has to stop and catch his breath.

So then we ask ... do we really want to go back to a higher probability of catching that???? When everything is proven to work fine from home?

Hrmmmmmm

Yeah, Iam firmly of the working from home camp. With the odd day in here and there but nothing to frequent. I have heard the odd tale and read the odd thing about people getting severely stung by it. IIt is the dread that will always be there because it is not a conquered tame disease.

My god man, on another subject. Nobody told me I had to oil my damn deck every year. Its massive. I would have built a smaller deck had I known!

I don't know if you can get it in your "neck of the woods". But I've never founds a stain better than Sikkens. It'll last 5-10 years and still look almost perfect. (At least with Canadian weather).

https://www.sikkens-wood-coatings.com/

It costs more than the regular stuff ... but if you factor in not having to re-coat every year and getting 5 years of freedom .... it's a bargain.

I got a stuff called Barretine which seems to get the better of the reviews here. I am looking forward to getting at it and brushing the decks like a pirate of old!!

Ay Matey .... swab that deck until it shines brighter than a freshly minted dabloon.

Kids under 30 still use emails. For password resets and because a lot of places still use them to create accounts for those that refuse to give up the phone numbers that are usually demanded these days and also refuse to use burner phones XD

How was the night out? :)

It has been organised! Well, It is turning into a nightmare of organisation. The third Friday in May most likely. That's what really happens when you get old, you can't have spontaneous nights out and everyone had to check their calendars and say they can't make it.

Yeah, they will have to use emails for that but how horrifying is that that they are seem as old people fodder. I love email!!

We have had almost no restrictions for a while now here in Canada 🇨🇦… Life is back to normal. The latest Covid virus is not much more than a mild cold. Both my kids tested Positive for Covid last week, and my wife and I never even caught it. They quarantined in their rooms with Breakfast Lunch and dinner in bed… and were fine in 3-4 days. Pretty nice Holiday if you ask me.

You don't have the bride of Chuckie in charge!

You should see ours, lol!

Well, we have Justin Trudeau…. supposedly the most Evil Leader of the Free World. I’m a Conservative and I used to hate Trudeau but I think he has done an incredible job here in Canada. He will definitely get my Vote in the next 10 Elections.

It is good when you get a good leader. Ours is quite a down to earth sort. Tbf I would be happy if she was in power for the next ten as well. Simply because the rest of them are a shower of bstarts.

And ain't that just politics worldwide, voting for people you barely like because you like the alternatives even less lol

It sucks but that is the way. Its like a preventative measure!

When you see how easily the contenders are brainwashed by right wing fascists or left wing communists it’s easy to choose the better leader. I am now a centrist. I prefer the middle road. Right wing Fascists and left wing Communists have united in their assault on Freedom. The Psycho nazi -Commie Putin has brainwashed the whole world to cheer for his ongoing destruction of the Ukraine. Only Hive stands in his way.

Aye it is good getting back to normal. I can breathe freely without masks again! It is a good thing! :OD

I only wore a mask at the grocery store once a week… other than that I never wore a mask. It was not that big of a deal here in Canada. So much fake news posted about our Freedoms being stolen.

We got hammered with lockdowns and mask wearing, it was quite strict so it is funny to see the reversal. I think there must have been a lot of fake news as it seemed like it was a huge deal back then!

Did the wild night in Scotland work doo ever happen at El-Jefe's place.. The one in deepest winter?

Haha, it did. I managed to decline gracefully :O)

I think I will go to this one though. I fancy a right good pub rummage!

Ever since I had turned fifty years old El Jefe had started calling me young this or young that.

You know till 60s, you can be called young 😁

I am looking forward to it. I think I will feel forever young!! Or at least I hope :O)

I wish so for myself as well :)

Yeehaw, take that old age!! :OD

Lol those young chaps, I’m glad he embarrassed Jefe a little bit by letting him know nobody answers emails unless they’re an old fuck. The nerve on those young shits eh? It is kind of funny though to think of emailing a place to reserve something for a night out. I don’t know if that was ever a thing!

Old Jefe-lump is dreadfully old fashioned. He still thinks we will be booking tables to eat on a night out and instead all anyone wants to do is drink many many drinks! Eatings cheating! As they say.

It was funny, I was quite taken aback myself by the email comment. Showing us old bastards that we should be extinct along with VCRs and CRTs!

No emails!? No emails!?! Maybe that is why no one ever responds to my questions? Every generation has their preferred method of communicating but I can't imagine texting a restaurant or local business with a request or question.

It's nice that things are opening up again for you.

It is mad, I cant imagine it either but it does make sense a bit now that getting responses to mails is a painful affair and most of the time its an autogenerated nonsense. My wife taps everyone up on FB messenger and Twitter if she wants to organise something which I find a tad alien. God, Iam truly getting old!

Things still closed up down your way? Dont get me wrong, we will see how it pans out but the momentary freedom is nice

Yeah I forgot about Facebook. I never got into Twitter though. There's too much social media out there. I only use Hive and FB. I don't want to waste any more time scrolling through nonsense haha (not saying that Hive is nonsense).

We have actually been open for a long time now. I can't really remember when things "opened up" officially. If you had the up to date Vax and the pass sanitaire (i.e. the covid "passport" in app form) then pretty much everything was accessible right through since May 2021. Restaurants and cinemas were open this winter and all that with the proof of vax. I think it was just stadiums and big sporting events that stayed closed. Masks remained throughout but that requirement was dropped a while ago, sometime in...early March, I think. I never really considered wearing a mask to be too restrictive. I wasn't really bothered by them, but it is nice not having to wear one everywhere now suppose.

I was the same with masks. When we had to wear them the biggest burden was mostly trying to make sure you had one with you when you went somewhere. Wearing them was alright although as a glasses wearer the winter was a bit rubbish with them steaming up every two seconds!

In Scotland we never bought in the passport thing. Which I was quite glad of, although I suspected it delayed a lot of the opening up of events and restaurants pubs etc. Now it is a free for all.

I mostly use Hive and Twitter, although twitter I only read stuff and don't interact much. Hive is my interactive tool of joy! ooer :OD

Yeah the glasses and steam thing would be annoying lol. My wife had that issue as well.

Now it is a free for all.

untitled.gif

YAAAAY!!

It almost drove me to contact lenses!

E-mail is just a deluge of spam and scams. My phone only rings because robot telemarketers auto-dial. The hot new communications technology of my youth is dead to me now. I think it's time to revive Morse code, carrier pigeons, and maybe CB radio.

CB!! Ah the halcyon days!

Yeah, it is the same here right enough. I am astonished when my home phone rings and it isn't a scammer

And just like that I am embarrassed of my American-ness 😆

The jiggle thing is probably Adderall or Ritalin, especially if he's a young American. The schools got very ADHD happy with the diagnosing and the giving of narcotics to kids thing here!

I saw a few things on TV about Adderall and Ritalin. I like to tease the Good Lady when one of the kids is being a jiggly maniac and say Better get the Ritalin out she goes nuts, lol!!

He was definitely jiggling like crazy, hopefully it was something like that and he wasn't absentmindedly tugging at himself :OD

Oh hell nah Boom. I may have snuggled close to a tramps buttocks in my day, but you got me with the word "paps". Im gonna use that one !LOL

Keep rockin boom. Bless El Jefe Lord, may the seacows rejoice.

Paps is truly the word of happiness!! So many uses. Somehow in Scotland it has also become an expression for throwing something casually at something. Like aye, I just papped it in the bin

Ah, it's the simple pleasures 😃

Lol, note taken.

Paps, and papping it.

Keep rockin Boom.

Keep pappin Cap'n Quackin!

A gaggle of tramps and vagabonds. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. This made me smile all morning.
There was a pub called Ulysses Waterford as well with its high tables and snobby bar tenders. Ughhhh.

That's a mad name for a pub. I normally change the names of the people in my tales to make them funnier but you just can't top Ulysses. Who calls their children that!!

James Joyce has alot to answer for here. Miserable git.

Damn these novelists. Nothing good has ever come of writing!! :0D

I think it should be required to send all meeting invites via absurd dances in Tik Tok videos. There would be fewer of them.

That would be joyous to see the meeting invites dry up! Unfortunately you would still get those types who would still do it to impress the bosses :OD

I would rather eat rancid meat from a tramp's buttocks than socialise with my work colleagues

What a delightful visage. Pure ripples of delicious decadent feasting.

Maybe suggest to Ulysses that he's not so up-to-date if he can't communicate telepathically. You're reminding me of what utter hell it was to work in a corporate office, lol.

Corporate offices are worse now I think than ever before. Mine actually used to be kinda fun.

I would say something about telepathy but for the fear of being told that no one under the age of 30 uses telepathy anymore! :OD

Back in time somewhere, there was an element of fun. I left the corporate world some years back due to toxicity of environment for all and here, these places are all the same. I went into a different field that, hahaha, presented another set of challenges.

Kick fear to the curb and hit any challenges to telepathy back with further outlandish tale spinning. I know you're good at telling stories. It can be quite entertaining to do so (at least in my experience). Maybe I'm thinking too much of bullfrogs here.

If only every situation was as easily solved as a bullfrog solves a bunch of crickets.

I try to stay out of all of the nonsense in the workplace but it seems the older I get the harder it is. I never quite understand these people who live to work.

I am sure you will crush it have crushed the challenges in your other field. If not, I demand it be so!! :0)

If only, but one bite never fits all. I hold you accountable for my bullfrog addiction, lol.

It is best to avoid the nonsense, but as you say, it's getting harder to avoid. My sense of humour kicks into full gear then. Live to work is not something I've ever understood either. There's so much more to life, so much more.

I did crush it in the new field...hanging with criminals is an amazing learning opportunity. Nothing illegal on my part, was working in the field of criminal defense (legal assistant & office manager). Oh the stories, the best stories of all jobs come from that field, LOLOL.

That sounds quite dashed fascinating! Working in IT like I do can be awfully dull. It's full of awkward dweebs staring at women's bums and making weird eye contact with them.

I'm well familiar with IT, which is why I've avoided going in that direction. Not the dullness, but rather the fact that others demands drives one mad after a while. (Recalls some strange creatures from previous jobs). Maybe that's why the staring at women's bums and making weird eye contact thing is a coping strategy?

Funny they dropped many of the restrictions here and everyone I know has it or is just getting over it. Apparently we as a society have decided we are done with Covid. However, I am not so sure it is done with us lol.

That what happened here! We had dodged it for sooooo long along with most of the people we know and then they opened everything up and everyone got it. I only know one person who hasn't and I do like to scare tease him by saying he will obviously get it REAL BAD now. Lol!

And you are right, it ain't done, this thing ain't over!

El-Jefesaurus... #priceless

!PIMP

I am hoping that one day he will become extinct.. :OD


You must be killin' it out here!
@davedickeyyall just slapped you with 1.000 PIMP, @meesterboom.
You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 1/1 possible people today.

pimp_logo


Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District

I just opened not one but two actual emails this morning because I'm well over 30 and too jaded to care anymore. I'm also planning to go on a nice stroll after my luncheon of meat and potatoes and then I fancy I'll smoke a pipe or two while reading the paper. And then after listening to my favorite radio talk show over dinner I imagine I'll turn in to bed by 7pm or so.

Uly-Uly-bang-bang

Is that a reference to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

Oh yes, some radio with the pipe and perhaps some comfy slippers too!!

It was indeed a reference to the mighty chitty!!

!PIZZA

Slippers! How could my slippers have slipped my mind! I must be going senile as I creep ever closer to the big 4-oh!

The big 4-oh. That is a true milestone. I remember the quivering fear I had about that one and then I just went crazy and shagged my way through it.

With slippers on, of course.

So you're saying you can just shag your way through the quivering fear of the big 4-oh? I like the sound of that! Tinder, here I come, with slippers on!

Hell yeah!! Its how I get through most life events!

!BEER


Hey @brandt, here is a little bit of BEER from @meesterboom for you. Enjoy it!

Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your BEER.

"There was about eighteen of us on the call and the screen was awash with thumbnails of folk in slobby t-shirts with unshaven faces."

"The men were no better."

🤣 THAT THERE WAS FUNNY !!

Poor Uly, more self-perceived brains than common sense. Always good to come in somewhere new and insult the boss first thing... well.... if you don't like having a job or advancing in your career.

Hehe, it was a class moment. The invincibility yet naivety all coming to roost in one fell swoop. I almost felt sorry for him except my emails are still offended :0D

It must kinda sorta be a thang.

Christmas before last, I sent one of my nieces (early 20s) and her fiance separate E-giftcards. When I didn't hear from my niece who is usually full of manners (at least in front of the family).... I text my sister (her Mom) to tell her I sent them and so she told both of them they need to check their email, because neither of them does that very much.

I should have just left it and if they didn't see the giftcards till June of that year, so be it ....right ?

For real !

Yeah, I think that what your me the most was the honesty behind it. Suddenly loads of things made sense. I can see them not checking their mail, they do all sorts of other twiddle.

The only advantage we have over a giant chunk of them is our forward thinking blockchain activities!!!

I mean, you do realize everyone's waiting for that TikTok now, right?

Dang, it's such a departure from my normal running on the spot tutorial videos 🤣🤣

Variety's the spice of life ;)

Lol, cant argue with that!

"the screen was awash with thumbnails of folk in slobby t-shirts with unshaven faces.

The men were no better."

Oh how I laughed!! and this was up there too... :)

"He had gotten to that hangy paps stage of getting old."

For a moment I thought the post was going to be about Oscar Wilde's book and I wondered how it was going to be brought in!

The sights to be seen on a teams chat in my place is almost beyond belief!!

I can show many a thing in but I think I would have trouble with that one!! :0D

Nice letter. Good work

Thank you. We win together!

PIZZA! PIZZA!

PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
@meesterboom(2/15) tipped @brandt (x1)
generikat tipped meesterboom (x1)

Learn more at https://hive.pizza.

Hey @meesterboom, I was wondering if you might want to add an entry into a 50 word story contest that I am hosting? The prize is a Hive Punk and I always really enjoyed the challenge of writing a fifty word story and I'm hoping that you will enjoy it too.

Hi mate. I would and in fact in the past I used to enter such things but I leave it to other smaller accounts now (I don't mean smaller in a bad way) as I would be modified if I won and someone who might really be ganting for the prize didn't. If that makes sense? Thanks for the offer though!

I understand, I just love writing 50 word stories and I wanted to share the experience with you. It's been a long time since I have seen a 50 word story prompt, so I figure I would try resurrect the format.

If you change your mind, you can always write one and then opt out of the contest part, but there is no pressure, I just wanted to share it with you.

I will keep it in mind!

It is a good thing, I used to read them when they were done before. If it is resurrected then I happily will again :O)

Hey Meester Meester! I just wanted to stop by and congratulate you on doing such fine work. Our latest was a real hit!

https://hive.blog/hive/@world-travel-pro/so-you-just-can-t-believe-it-well-check-this-out

Click here to join!

Click here to learn more!