Didn't See That Coming

Think of a vehicle. Car, truck, doesn't matter. Ready? Vroom vroom.

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We nudged and inched our way across several congested freeway lanes to the tune of way too many obnoxious car horns and brake lights as far as you can see. Operation funnel vehicles like cattle onto an off-ramp turned parking lot due to cross-traffic ahead being just as parked was a huge success. Green arrows and red arrows and flashing yellow arrows - freeway overpasses stacked three high - traffic signs pointing everywhere.

Life is moving at the speed of life in Guntersville, Alabama—Deep South, they call it, where murder is neighborly.

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Took forever to exit the freeway. Five minutes on an off-ramp is forever when you have somewhere to be. Traffic signals are timed terribly in the south. The deeper you are the terribler. I swear they do that shit on purpose to maintain no sense of urgency.

Made it to the front, finally, second car waiting to turn left now. Next green light is ours. The right turn signal on the other light switched from green to yellow to red.

They stopped.

Before I could release the brake, strobe flashing headlights appeared in the side view mirror, then the rear view, blue sirens on top. It's approaching fast.

A Ford Explorer police vehicle passed on the right. He created his own lane by splitting both turn lanes, entering the intersection before anyone else had a chance. The left turn arrow turned green but every light on his vehicle's flashing and he's in the middle of the intersection. I reapplied pressure to the brakes.

Nice turn signal, asshole.

I said quietly behind the privacy of rolled up, black tinted windows as he passed, seamlessly entering whatever street that was while the rest of us idled patiently in traffic like good little peasants.

He turned left—only vehicle in the intersection now and, just as aggressively as he helped himself to the front of the line, flipped a sharp u-turn. The Explorer with sirens on hopped the curb in the middle of the intersection, drove across the center median and came right back to us. He parked perpendicular to both turn lanes blocking anyone from going anywhere. He got out, leaving his door wide open.

No way he heard me.

I thought to myself rather than say quietly to myself this time.

The front vehicle in the right turn lane next to us is a truck, it's parked in the cross walk waiting to turn right. When the cop stepped out of his vehicle to approach the driver of that truck, had I just waited 10 more seconds, I wouldn't have to sugarcoat what I really thought.

Really?! Sirens and u-turns in the middle of traffic for that! We'll just wait here then like obedient little tax payers who pay your salary cuz we don't have anywhere to be while you take your sweet ass time harassing dude over a chickenshit crosswalk violation. I feel sorry for your wife.

Then, to my left, out from under the shelter of one of those freeway overpasses that only the police officer would've been in position to see, walks a blind guy with one of those fiberglass walking sticks.

That cop, all cool and protect-and-serve-like, motioned dude to back his truck up a little bit while his police vehicle shielded traffic.

He put it in reverse, nodded and smiled and probably felt like a big dumb dick at that point, I know I would have, backed up and cleared the crosswalk. Shortly before smashing the vehicle behind him, the one next to us, the driver of that vehicle with whom I assume is his wife in the passenger seat, tapped the horn a couple times like "that's about as far as you can go."

The police officer introduced himself to the blind guy. They shook hands, said whatever they said and walked across the crosswalk together elbow to elbow laughing and talking.

Dude got out of his truck to thank the gentleman and his wife behind him. They gave each other knuckles, a couple peace signs back and forth, "thank you! Of course... Of course... Have a nice day" and got back in his truck.

Blind guy crossed the street. Cop returned to his vehicle, nodded to dude in the truck and the couple behind him, they all waved back. He acknowledged us and the car in front of us before closing his door and took off like a cop on assignment to holster his firearm. The light turned green, I released the brake, life picked up exactly where it left off.

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