I always cry when I'm not sad

usually get up before dawn, it is like a primitive call from the "Sun God" already transformed in my intellect as "the hope of a new dawn" that tells me: "I have given you one more day, take advantage of it... because the day will come, which always comes, that you will be part of the first luminescence and then the morning will belong to others".

I look out on the balcony, I always do, and I observe shy lights in distant apartments, how I would like to fill myself with those lives! To understand why they got up early, or why they couldn't or wouldn't sleep, could it be that someone is very sick? Could it be that they are making love? Could it be that someone is packing without saying goodbye? Or maybe... they're watching me from afar, because lonely hearts have strange ways of communicating.

I am filled with the silence of the early birds, knowing that I am eternally lonely. I would have liked someone in this world to really miss me. That in Ludo's game I played last night, others would have thrown the dice too. I would have liked to have a friend, even if only one, who ran through the dark streets just to give me a hug. I would have liked to understand myself in the soft humidity of other lips. That among all the familiar faces, someone would look at me, as my mother looked at me.

There are days when the hourglass does not turn over, again and again and again, and I should let myself be carried away without footprints, down to the depths of the ocean.

I always cry when I'm not sad.

Rubén Darío Gil

Memory:

once I heard my mother crying alone in her room, I went in worried to find out what was wrong with her and she said: "I feel alone" I emphasized to her that she was not alone, that her husband and children were in the house and she, looking naive answered: "that's what makes me feel very alone, one day you'll understand..."

I understand you now , mom Florinda, with my years, I understand you.