that I was trafficked from the age of 4 until I was 7 by my Uncle (by marriage)? or
that when I was 17, I was dosed with Rohypnol and raped by my then boyfriend and his three friends, left for dead in 45 degree temperatures on a large swath of land? or
that when I was 19, I had fallen madly and truly in love and was engaged to a somewhat older guy; he had a brain aneurysm while driving to our engagement party and died instantly. I was not with him as I was already in my hometown awaiting his arrival that never happened and it took his terrible sisters 10 hours to contact me to let me know.
Did you know that I have had 2 miscarriages, one being that of my fiance who passed away, but it wasn't really a miscarriage because my mother told the doctor to give me something "to get rid of it...she is young and won't know and this way she can just start her life over again"...One does not simply not know and start over, but you knew that, right?
Did you know that I was pregnant with my daughter on my 21st birthday and never really properly celebrated it as most would by going out to all the clubs and having shots and being social? I was at home with headphones on my belly playing Beethoven and Bach or playing Cello, though I bet you didn't even know I could play an instrument, let alone the entire wind section of a band and violin, viola, cello and the xylophone, right?
Did you know that I had three children in the span of less than one rolling calendar year? (I will leave it to you to figure out that math)
Did you know that since 2008, I have been in and out of remission for a type of bone marrow cancer called myeloproliferative neoplasm disorder, which leads to myeloid lymphoma?
Did you know that in 2018 I had a little over 1/3 of my large intestine removed and ended up nearly dying from a staph infection that I got from an unsterilized piece of surgical equipment that had two strains of Nordic Staph that has not been seen in the US in 108 years?
Did you know that last year when I posted my Thanksgiving post with all of my sparkling china and food and mentioned something about how I am treated at home, it was my small way of crying out?
Did you know that things only got far more worse since then? Probably not because I have not been posting here as I did before.
My life now that I am going to stop asking if you knew is completely different. I have found strong ground to stand on even though it is moving. I decided on 9/22/21 when my abuser/husband spent over an hour berating, belittling, bashing, name calling and eventually causing injury to me that it was the last time. I decided to draw a line and start to make a legal record of it and called 911. The police deputies FAILED their jobs that night. They did not do any single step in the Florida Statute 741.29 that is REQUIRED to be done. Because they neglected to do their job properly as per PROTOCOL, my abuser remained in the home since I am a stay at home mother for my children and I also "work" from home. From Sept 22 until Nov 7, he elevated his threats, his running commentary about how he felt about my children and I, he continued to use finances to control me, he did the grocery shopping and used that as a mechanism to control and abuse me as well. On November 7, the police were once again called to my home after he had become violent again. They once again did not follow PROTOCOL and nothing happened to him. However, I did force him to leave that night and would not let the deputies leave until he was gone.
This past week has been the most terrifying, freeing, roller coaster of a tumultuous time. I have a fractured hand, I have a stack of paperwork I need to complete to submit for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, I changed my deadbolt to a keypad and key combo system and changed the door knob lock as well so it is a two key system. From his end, since he had hired an attorney back at the end of September anyway to file for divorce, he has finally filed- which saves me the $500 filing fee.
My children are happy, peaceful and glad that I am safe, though they do have questions about what makes people do things like that to other people. I don't know how to answer that for them really other than just to say, "Sometimes good people do bad things on accident and sometimes the people we think are good people really aren't."
I have no real in come persay aside from child support and have spent the past year and a half donating my time to assisting with pro se legal writing work for inmates in Arizona and other states as well. If I am not doing that I am volunteering in helping inmates who are about 3 months away from getting released with preparing for reintegration. Helping them to find jobs, housing, their families if necessary. I do this out of my love of people, the payment is a full heart. Unfortunately for me, a full heart does not pay the electric bill or put food on the table; so I guess I am going to have to apply for some jobs.
I am a very, VERY strong and fiercely independent woman. You need to understand how bad things were for me to be so afraid I have spent the last week in trauma, rotating in and out of panic attacks and involuntary shaking. The abyss of uncertainty clings to my every thought, even as I fall away into sleep- when sleep actually happens.
So let my story be a lesson to those who are suffering. Do not feel that you are required to suffer in silence. Your silence helps no one, especially you.
Bee Well and Bee Lov'd, my friends. Until we "meet" again.
@wehmoen @alicekennedy
@pennywisedawise @tarynq @kiimayer @qconsciousness @spirit-Admetos @seeleesea11 @invsecactof1951 @brianburns @ibor @quantum17 @binbash @lasmokanostra @whatonearthq17 @dalec369 @memeteam17 @pauljosiesavill @newparadigmtt @iq187 @hivebuzz @steampunkmedia @steempress @steampeak @delso @lynds @steemityourway @truthstreammedia @steem-plus @fulltimegeek @frankbacon @franksComs @greatgaribaldi @envisible @q42 @littich @qxpat @exodesigns @digitalsoldier17 @ahough1706 @awakeninggreatly @fishface @forthesamuel @helloall2317 @indigosoul58 @isaacawesomov @jameswwg1wga @kristinaavalon @metatronscube @piriglion101 @roejanfootball @thadrake @davidnv2000 @drwaffles @ghostshell101 @key2truth @mb123 @mishelle1974 @realitymatrix @shelbie @travis.ebarb @wokemobile @austinsteinbart
Thank you for your testimony @qsoutherncharms.
Life and synchronicity have its own way to deal with one’s evolution. A friend of mine calls the bad luck « inverted synchronicity ». But as we all know, it always ends up serving a greater purpose after all. Calling to use the best and the worse of people and situations for the Grand Scheme. You are not alone playing the game of Life. Even though your situation is unique, it has many resemblances with what humanity is going through as a whole, just different flavors and a personal note. A long process of abuse and void-self-love-choices coming to an end, for the love of the self and for the sake of Life. Fixing ideas in a new priority configuration. One step at a time, there is a lot of momentum in the system, so keep strong and fierce, you are a creative cause generator and a goddess becoming. Stay within your truth. All the time. By becoming the living testimony of your truth. And you shall see the reflection in your Matrix Reality.
Your statement resonates as a testimony for the world. You are not alone and never been. And for this I am greatful to be a witness of your post, you sharing your truth. Truth heals. Freeing oneself, or the world, from abuse is not an easy task. It takes truth and self-love as co-ingredients of wisdom. Applying knowledge to serve Life and prevent suffering. It starts with the self first, so be careful with your instinct to help another for the risk of depleting your own health. You serve better when healthy and well. Your Will
and discipline have the greatest Power of influence in your Matrix. Use it well.
It takes voices to say no-more like you did. We hear you. We resonate. Feel the vibe of support as many of us can’t be physically there, shoulder-to-shoulder. The world is waking up, and together we see. It is end of 2021. Look in the street of every Nation. Many resonating. World events with a flavor of liberation. And you had to go through all this suffering to participate just like I been through broken bone to be here talking to you. Synchronicity has its way of playing with events, our own choices, Will, capacity and intents. A Quantum world of mathematical precision lol.
I know you « Know Yourself », but did you know how instrumentaly-key you have been to this liberation movement, to all those who you helped with an open heart and still, with the ripple effects continuously cascading to the ever becoming now? You have all to surf the Vibe of Joy my friend.
Never underestimate the power of words of truth. Specifically for the Mind and for the blockchain lol. It is kind of writing your own story with thoughts and words, for real lol.
Take great pride in your stance and capacity to speak your truth. To honor the voice of Life within you. For you may not know all about the rest of the World, just as the rest of the World did not know all about your experiences, I can tell you that your good influences in this World has not been in vain. I am only one witness.
We are building the New Paradigm so we safeguard our loved ones from such abusive situations(external treats and self-induced-prejudicial-choices). For we Stop & Correct, just like you did. Now let’s multiply that by n people!
ThanQ’you for giving the exemple, now we know.
NPTT,
Love and Friendship
Thank you for that really powerful reply. It really does mean a lot to me.
I use my words to paint a picture full of color and life that in a way moves, not a “captcha” or capture, which is the state I’ve been in really since coming home from Phoenix in June. Every word I spoken to him since then became like daggers to be thrown back at me in a perfectly timed execution.
Predictability of old habits dying hard is probably what saved me, because I knew exactly what his blueprints and master plan liked like because he forgot he had shared with me his exit strategy one night when he was very drunk.
I had a plan so that I could make sure my boys and I were safe and could survive a bit. I had to pull the trigger early. I didn’t count on the actual physical violence in front of my children. Once that happened, I knew news would quickly spread to my ex husband (the boys’ dad) and I’d risk my custody. So, trigger pulled and plan out the window- ZERO parachute in sight.
Freeing but terrifying. no cats were harmed in this gif. This is the Swedish skydiving kitty*
Welcome to self ship Navigation. It is both Quantum and Bioelectric. We land-dock with mathematical precision.
I am so very sorry that you are suffering and going through so much pain... As I read this post (or more honestly skimmed it as reading is not one of my strong-suits), there were several parts that really resonated with me and just the traumas we may have from our pasts...
But that is the most beautiful and poetic thing about everything though is that we are still here through sheer strength and determination. It is through our suffering that is what makes our character and base so strong. Sometimes it maybe hard to ask for help but I'm sure there are a lot of Domestic violence/abuse organizations that may help you with your problems or maybe link you to agencies or groups that can help aid you as YOU may not have a problem at all, but your environment/surroundings ARE.
I hope you continue to express or find ways to release all of these emotions in a healthy way for you as bottled up can feel quite overwhelming and heavy. You got this though, as you've already overcome and are here today after so many atrocious things have happened to you. If you ever want to reach out to vent or talk about some subject matter with someone who will never judge but lend an ear to another human being who is suffering please do so.
I tend to keep myself rather busy so at times it may take a little longer to respond, but I can say that I do care and will put the effort into understanding if that is needed.
"Did you know that last year when I posted my Thanksgiving post with all of my sparkling china and food and mentioned something about how I am treated at home, it was my small way of crying out?" This particular quote stood out to me and hit home for me in such a massive way because sometimes even though we put our best foot forward and everyone feels like we are doing good or well in the insides we are broken or shattered by our experiences.
Just like you decided to take a stand in 9/22/21 I believe you can continue to solidify your foundation through the will and persistence you've shown thus far.
(>'')> You got this <(''<)
!PIZZA
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Oh! You found a new store for me to go? And brought me a cart too? I am a lucky girl!!!
Super STAR 🙏❤️😎🥓