― Haruki Murakami
Inner Tempest
This is insane. Bad enough I struggle in my relationships with women but now I'm obsessing about a student―yeah, definitely out of bounds.
I'm sitting in my front room still shaking, trying to convince myself it was only a dream, but it was too vivid, too actual to be dismissed so easily. I could say the same about Jana.
I watch a jagged branch of lightning spread across the sky. It's an image of me―cracks in my veneer of endearing helplessness.
Give me a break. It's all a lie.
I'm responsible for everything that's happened to me, including this stalker who wants to torment me―and why? Because I obviously did something that damaged her and now it's payback time.
The guilt overpowers me.
I have to get out and walk off my stress, otherwise I'll go crazy. I know it's pouring outside but I grab my North Face rain gear intending to lose myself in a storm that's willing to expend its anger and fury upon me.
And who knows? Maybe my stalker is lying in wait and will seize the opportunity to claim her pound of flesh and put an end to my miserable life. Then everyone will be happy.
So, within minutes, I'm blindly stomping down splashing streets oblivious of where my frustration is taking me.
It occurs to me as I walk that there was no unmarked car in front of my house and I haven't heard from my stalker in several days.
Maybe that particular storm has passed and I'll just be left dealing with the turmoil she fomented inside of me.
As I go I realize I've retraced the same route I took last time I walked in the rain. I can see the lights from the all night diner winking in the distance.
I suppose it's a law of human behaviour that we default to the familiar, and ironically, that's what makes change so damn near impossible.
I round a bend and notice a dark figure waiting in the gloom about half a block in front of me. An icy fear runs through me. I turn to head back home but another figure emerges from a doorway blocking me.
Trapped...with no way out and only closed shops on both sides of the street.
I could cry out in hopes someone might hear me, but in the din of the storm that would be unlikely.
The pair converge and as they draw near I can see they're both burly and huge―I'm no match for either one of them.
Instinctively, I draw back into an alcove, with a wall behind me.
The two men pause before me and laugh at my obvious terror.
"Well, Liam," one man taunts, "you're finally going to get your just desserts. Yes, you've been a very bad boy, but we'll fix that now."
They advance toward me and I raise my arms to shelter my head and close my eyes knowing they can kill me.
But suddenly I hear one man groan and a scuffle ensue and when I open my eyes, both men are lying face down on the pavement with Ross and Sarah from my security detail looming over them.
Ross bends down and snaps handcuffs on the pair and then bundles each one into the back of an unmarked car.
Sarah helps me to my feet. "Are you all right?" she inquires, looking concerned and steadying me.
"Thank God," is all I can say. I'm chilled looking at the hulking forms safely stowed in the rear seat of the patrol vehicle.
"Take them in, Ross," Sarah calls out to her partner, "I'll see Liam home."
Ross acknowledges the command and drives off.
She turns back to me. "It's better we walk―it'll help defuse the tension."
I nod. She grabs my arm firmly and leans into me to guide me away from the storefront.
I'm dimly aware of her perfume and the warmth of her body close to me but definitely too numb to think of anything but going home and getting out of the storm.
"You were lucky," she says, "our commander wanted to cut back on the operation but we convinced him to leave it in place a little longer."
"Thank you, I could have been killed."
"You don't seem to learn your lessons, do you, Liam? We explicitly told you not to venture out on walks alone at night. What the hell were you thinking?"
"I wasn't thinking," I say lamely. "I had a rough day, okay?"
"Well, let's see―you had breakfast with your ex and lunch with a student―a girl, of course, and quite beautiful. Did I miss anything?"
"It wasn't a lunch date―she needed to ask about her studies."
"Don't you have office hours to counsel students, or do you prefer a bar instead, or perhaps, your house?"
"You've got the wrong idea about me," I flare.
"Oh, then you're not a player?" she asks sweetly.
We arrive at my door then. "Arghh!" I shout, "I can't talk with you."
I unlock the door intending to close it on her, but she bars it. "Sorry, Prof, but I've got to check your house and make sure everything is safe."
"I've got a security system," I protest.
"Yes, but they can be defeated and they don't work unless they're armed." She points to the keypad glowing green and obviously disarmed.
Embarrassed,I wearily slink into the den and slump down in the arm chair.
She says nothing but busies herself inspecting the grounds and checking each room, even opening and closing cupboards.
After several minutes she reappears with two mugs of steaming hot chocolate. "I added a bit of rum to yours, but mine's plain―I'm still on duty."
"Thanks," I grumble, touched she'd consider me.
She sits down opposite me. "I don't mean to be harsh with you, Liam, But it's our job to protect you. So, please, don't give us any more grief."
"I'm sorry I acted so thoughtlessly. I put us all in a bad situation."
"You did, but it turned out well. I just want you to know, it's not over. Ross texted me and said the two perps were hired off the dark web. They were doing a contract job―they never met the person who hired them."
"That's not good," I moan.
"On the bright side, they were instructed to rough you up, not kill you. So, it's not all bad."
"That's a consolation," I mutter.
She smiles. "It does make me wonder what women see in you that makes them so desperate to want you or kill you."
I shake my head. "I don't understand that myself―maybe that's my problem."
She gets up to leave and puts her hand gently on my shoulder.
"You're too hard on yourself, Prof―being a chick magnet is a good thing as long as you don't lie and cheat to exploit them."
"Who me? Never." I smile.
She just shrugs from the doorway. She thinks I'm hopeless.
Yeah, I don't blame her.