These pains of aging are heavy on the stomach. A couple of years ago I started eating healthy and became a gym rat. Unfortunately, I eventually came to terms that I couldn't afford the membership - especially when I stopped going for 4 months.
I told myself that I'll go back soon. That was 2 years ago. That's a loooong "soon."
I've since been gaining a lot of weight (not at my highest, at least). My body pains give me cause to not without, and yet I know that when being same pains decrease- or cease.
…It’s a cruel little loop, isn’t it?
The more I hurt, the less I move.
The less I move, the more I hurt.
And then there’s the guilt. Not just about the body changes, but about the promises I made to myself and didn’t keep. I swore I’d “get back on track.” I said it like it was some train I could just hop back onto. But time passed. Life got busy. Energy disappeared. And so did that version of me who meal-prepped and hit the gym four days a week.
Now, I get winded doing things that used to be warm-ups. My pain nerves are attacking. My back burns like there's a wee arsonist in there. And I miss feeling strong.
But here’s the truth that keeps me going:
I’m not broken. I’m just… in transition.
Bodies change. They age, they rest, they adapt. And yes, sometimes they get soft. They get tired. But they’re still ourbody. Still worthy. Still capable of coming back to life—slowly, gently, realistically.
I don’t need a $70/month gym membership to start. I don’t need to “go hard” right away. Maybe I just need to stretch in the morning. Walk a little further each day. Choose foods that fuel instead of numb. Take the smallest steps back toward strength, not punishment.
And maybe, just maybe, forgive myself for slipping.
Because this isn’t failure.
It’s just the messy middle.
And I’m still allowed to write the next part.
One walk, one ache, one weird little wobble at a time.
And so I have downloaded @Actifit again. It's been years since I was on @Hive, and by that it's be years since Actifit. I'm going to use the app as motivation fodder. I will start tomorrow. It's time to get back on track.
Stay on HIVE! I've read a few of your posts, and please, stay on HIVE!
On the gym front: I was a 120KG man under four decades of age. I'm just a smidge over 6 foot (yeah yeah, I'm mixing metric and imperial). I stopped going to the "gym" (it was a squat rack in my yard) when my wife had her hysterectomy a few years back.
When we moved to our current home, we sold all that stuff, but I asserted that I would be rejoining the gym. I did that.
I'm still a 120KG man (last time I checked - on both accounts) and I'm pretty sure I haven't grown taller or shorter. But, the belt buckle tells me that it doesn't need the last hole on the belt anymore, and it is comfortable at the third (And if I inhale sharply - the fourth one).
I've done this in about 7 months. I still eat pizza. I still eat noodles. I still eat pasta. I enjoy food. You can't out-train a bad diet, they say, but you can just keep up with it.
All I am doing is lifting weights and five minutes on the stair machine, or ... now (that I will need to walk to my gym for the foreseeable future) - walk ~2.5km, then lift weights, then walk back home for the same distance, sometimes in the pelting rain.
Every bit of physical motion you do is an investment in yourself.
Willpower and accountability is the hardest thing. Tell a friend everyday what you achieved. Make a friend. Tell yourself in a notebook. In the mirror.
Nike has the best motto on this, and it isn't one that needs to be repeated.
Not only am I stronger, I am mentally more resilient, more confident, and no doubt, feel healthier. it doesn't even hurt when I move anymore!
Stay on Hive? Whyyyyy? Yes, I'm a bit of a writer, to say the least. My problem is consistency. With all the writing and idea notes that I've created in two years, I will not have an issue with frequency. I also can not handle the Hive politics.
It sounds to me like you've got those muscle gains that slim you but don't decrease weight as much. There's nothing wrong with that.
I love the idea of walking to the gym for most of the workout, then weights- getting the workout over before it begins. That's efficient.
To be fair, I just discovered your blog, but have seen so many leave over the years. If only the blockchain element of HIVE meant restraining in remand, good word workers to their bench of toil.
Consistency doesn't matter, unless you're trying to make a cake. Sorry, but you'll have to enjoy less of those.
I've even written hive posts on my phone while walking to gym. Thankfully I haven't been hit by a truck.
What politics? I guess I just don't actively seek that stuff out lol, but it's been YEARS here since I saw any political drama of any kind XD
I think at a certain age we have to accept we're no longer going to be working out to get fit and hot, but to desperately stave off the inevitable decline for a bit longer.
For example, expert physiotherapy people can predict with about 100% accuracy whether or not you'll be able to climb the stairs in your 70's based on a handful of physical test results you do in your 30's. It's kind of scary.
Muscles start to decay at like 1% a year after 30-something, and so the longer you leave it, the less muscle you even have to build back later, and the more crippled you become in your 50's, 60's, etc.
I myself have already paid the price of a sedentary lifestyle of just not committing due to lack of motivation and all the other excuses I gave myself. Right now I'm lying in bed with a pillow under my three herniated discs which randomly broke again yesterday for no particular reason. Just sat wrong I guess, and now I'm stuck in bed for a week again.
Because I never built my core muscles, bad posture my whole life. Bad habits. And now I'm cursed with this forever, and I'm under 40.
I'm too old to become the attractive person I always wished I could become, but I'm not too old to not end up in a wheelchair 5 years from now. I have to lose weight to reduce pressure on my crushed spine, so I'm aiming over the summer to be extra strict and rapidly lose another 12kg (already 6kg down).
Then, of course, core strength building If/when my spine can handle it. Or, if I lose enough weight, I can get surgery on my spine without a doctor saying to lose weight first XD
Well anyway that's another perspective for you.
(FYI I don't join gyms cause they're just not for me. I cycle a lot and I'm very good at not eating, so for example today, I ate my first meal at 5pm, a ceasar salad. And that's it until tomorrow 5pm)
That's such an interesting point regarding physiotherapist's predictions. Wow!
It sounds like you are on the right path. I have a few machines and accessories to help me workout at home. I like gyms, but I'm with you on the cycling. But one meal a day? Oh my. You have more resistance than I. 😉
I really felt that. I’ve learned that compounded little changes go a long way. I hate punishing myself too, so I stick to small stretches, a few sit-ups, and eating balanced when I can. That’s all I can manage and that’s enough.
Your posts are raw and beautiful - thank you for sharing them. 🖤
Thank you. Yes, small goals can grow into large achievements. :)
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