Seeking Silence : Self

Third day in the woods. How does one get to the core of being? What is the essence or center of self? “They” say through meditation, but isn’t that like the absent of thought- no-mind, un-thought, quiet mind, turning the brain off to listen..? To find stillness, to create the calm in the storm of busy thinking. I don’t know. Clean the wreckage of negative thinking. Breath in, focus, exhale. Breath out.

Does that find the “self” or just clean out the garbage, a tidy head space? Illuminate the room, eliminate distractions, turn off the racing clutter of confusion, all those “to do” lists: groceries, dishes, task lists, chores, forgot to do’s. Are our lives a series of shopping lists- honey do’s that we tell ourselves, that we get to cross off and move onto the next? Are our lives a long list of chores?

Are we all the actions and choices we make compiling personality and further decisions? Compound identity that programs behavior, habits that create self that feedback to further actions? What we choose to do, is that what we are? Is that the self? Or are we the thoughts that speak in the mind? Are we even our thoughts? Who is in control of this organic machine, gears cranking imaginary ideas?

The monkey runs away with the elephant
while the field burns.
Ashes of memory
blow in the wind.
Plant fields of seed for tomorrow
One thought can grow a forest.
or can destroy a human heart.