Facebook Fakes for Fun and Profit

Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Enjoy Doing Airdrops

We all love airdrops in theory, but in practice, doing them is a chore that can quickly pollute your non-crypto-spouting, non-anarcho-capitalistic Facebook pages with with heaps of promotional content that, let's face it, you probably don't care about that much.

Sure, occasionally a new ERC-20 token comes along that actually looks promising, but the majority of these tokens will wither on the vine (although I'd love to be proven wrong, especially since I HODL all my weird tokens). But either way, for many of us, it's fun to see our wallets fill up with obscure altcoins and tokens. It's a hobby, but one that can often feel like a part-time job.

One of the common requirements for receiving airdrops is that you use your real Facebook account to like and follow a new token’s page. Sometimes, you even need to submit proof that you shared some promotional material onto your Facebook page.

Obviously, for many people, this is a pain. We use Facebook in our day-to-day personal and often professional lives. We can’t clutter that up with scammy-looking airdrop promotions. I don't want my grandmother to see that I'm all about whatever Weedcoin Dennis Rodman is shilling in Singapore right now.

So, people just skip that step. They would prefer to miss out on that portion of the coins than to pollute their public-facing Facebook image. This is understandable. However, I’ve devised a revolutionary airdrop tactic that may prove indispensable to bounty-chasers and quarry-divers alike:

Fake it.

But wait, you say. These airdrops usually specify that you need at least 200 friends to qualify for tokens.

Not a problem. Getting friends on Facebook is easy.

But it’s so boring to go to all that trouble! you say. That depends on how you do it. Creating a fake Facebook profile might seem over-the-top, but take it from me: It doesn’t have to be tedious. It doesn't have to be boring.

If anything, the process can be fun as hell.

Meet Wolfgang Slaughter, everyone’s favorite Nietzche-spouting Satanist puppy from Assheim, Norway (currently living in Peñíscola, Spain). His favorite topics of conversation include meat, compliments, and the fundamental tension inherent between self-gratification and societal expectation.

Wolfgang is pretty popular. He’s made over 300 friends in 24 hours. How has he managed to break far beyond the threshold that airdrops set to determine who is real and who is fake?

By doing practically nothing.

Wolfgang just filled up his profile, added one friend (the wonderful Boon Doge - more on him later) and the friend requests started flying in. Many of these fine, friendly individuals had “crypto” in their names. Must be a regional clan.

All little Wolfgang needed to do was post a few times about the meaning of stagnation in an increasingly fast-moving world…

… and give some FIRE advice about naming debut mixtapes:

This is literally every post that little puppy Wolfgang needed to make. Of course, I took it a bit further. Every believable character needs a backstory. Wolfgang, we decided, is very old and very well-educated. He is bisexual, and engaged in a “complicated” relationship with another dog named Boon Doge (the alias of another Token Block Friend in the office).

Wolfgang Slaughter, this loveable character, is now my airdrop mascot. Any time that a company requires that I add people on Faebook to qualify for coins, Wolfgang steps in to save my personal account from the slaughter. He’s a great guy.

Besides, it’s not like these companies have any reason to dislike Wolfgang. He’s active on Facebook, funny, charming, and popular. Exactly the kind of individual that every company hopes will promote their product.