"The ONLY reason BCH is relevant is because they gave it to BTC holders for free. If they didn't, nobody would give two flying fucks."

Hey Bernie, here's demonstrable proof you are talking bullshit.

Guess what, many of these forks gave away coins to BTC holders too. Funny how none of them are relevant?

BitcoinX (BCX): A smart contract (like Ethereum) based Bitcoin. Block 498888. //bcx.org/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; the coin has officially been released and trades on a number of exchanges.
ABitcoin (ABTC): A “light speed” Bitcoin with smart contracts. Block 498888. The ABTC fork was also a fork for Achain holders. //www.abitcoin.one/. NOTE: Snapshot block occurred, but the coin doesn’t seem to be trading. The ABTC fork was also a fork for Achain holders.
Bitcoin Hot (BTH): Lightning network, smart contract, zero-knowledge proof, anti quantum hash. Block 498848. NOTE: Snapshot block occurred, but the coin doesn’t seem to be trading.
Super Bitcoin (SBTC): Like BitcoinX, a smart contract based Bitcoin. Block 498888. //www.supersmartbitcoin.com/index.html. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; the coin has officially been released and trades on a number of exchanges.
Bitcoin Platinum (BTP): According to the site, “Satoshi’s original vision of Decentralized Electronic Cash.” Around December 12th. Blocks 497757 / 498533. //bitcoinplatinum.github.io/ko.html TIP: Bitcoin Platinum is rumored to be fake see: Bitcoin Platinum Created By South Korean Teenager As a Scam, Local Market Erupts. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of (in this case potentially because it wasn’t a real fork).
Bitcoin Oil (OBTC). No-premine, proof of stake, CPU mining, 2mb blocks. Block 498,888. //www.oilbtc.io/index_en.html NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin World (BTW). 8mb blocks, proof of work, replay protection. Block 499777. //btw.one/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin Stake (BTCS): Proof of stake (as the name implies). Block 499999. //btcscoin.com/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin Faith (BTF): Smart Contracts, 8mb blocks, and Lightening Network. Block 500000. //www.bitcoinfaith.org/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Lightning Bitcoin (LBTC): A fork that is meant to provide “lightning fast payments.” Uses smart contracts and can host decentralized apps like Ethereum (and Super Bitcoin). Around December 23rd. Block 499,999. //lightningbitcoin.io/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; I know of no futures trading. (Not to be confused with LiteBitcoin).
Bitcoin Cash Plus (BCP): According to the site, “fulfilling the original promise of Bitcoin.” Around January 2nd, 2018. Block 501407. //www.bitcoincashplus.org/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; I know of no futures trading.
Bitcoin Silver (BTCS): According to a BitcoinTalk forum, the coin aims to “Make Bitcoin Decentralized Again.” Apparently, it occurs “in December.” The site had issues at one point. When the site started working “again” it appeared to be a token sale (an Ethereum-based ICO). //bitcoinsilver.io/. NOTE: This ended up being an ICO; I don’t know if it is real, but it is not a Bitcoin fork.
Bitcoin Uranium (BUM): According to a BitcoinTalk forum, the coin aims to “Make Bitcoin Great Again.” Apparently, it occurs “in December.” //bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=2316506. NOTE: No update on this fork; it is very doubtful that it “occurred in December.” There isn’t even an official site.
Bitcoin Top (BTT): Bitcoin Top is like Bitcoin Cash with Segwit and privacy protection according to the site. There isn’t much to go on here outside a website. Block 501118. //www.bitcointop.org/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin Pizza (BPA): A Bitcoin that uses Directed Acyclic Graph technology (DAG), the technology IOTA uses. Block 501,888. //p.top/.
Bitcoin File (BIFI): Smart contracts, content network, and bigger blocks. Block 501225. //www.bitcoinfile.org/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin God (GOD): No pre-mining, no central team (in theory), smart contracts, large blocks, POS mining, lightening network enabled, zero-knowledge proof, etc. It’s apparently a [slightly late] Christmas Present from Chinese Angel Investor Chandler Guo. Block 501225. Originally said to occur Dec. 25, but block 501225 won’t happen until sometime late Dec. 26 or early Dec. 27 PST. //www.bitcoingod.org/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; I know of no futures trading.
BitEthereum (BITE): A fork for both Ethereum and Bitcoin. According to the site: ETH block: 4766319. Each ETH can claim 0.34210519 BITE tokens. BTC block: 500283. Each BTC can claim 3.93946357 BITE tokens. //www.bitethereum.io.
Bitcoin Segwit2x “2.0”: The Bitcoin hard fork Segwit2x is rumored to be back again after being canceled at the last minute back in October (at the time it was meant to occur at block 494784, there was a rumor that it did occur, but no nodes are running it). From what we can tell, and as a reader pointed out, this iteration of Segwit2x seems to have no direct relation to the last Segwit2x fork beyond its name. Further, there is some who question the legitimacy of this fork. The current iteration is planned for block 501451. For the original fork, see: //segwit2x.github.io/. For the latest iteration, see //cointelegraph.com/news/hard-fork-take-two-segwit2x-will-return-dec-28-says-founder. Also see //medium.com/@nicolas.etienne368/fake-segwit2x-fork-by-jaap-turlouw-7d06e5703cba. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; Segwit2x futures have been trading since the last Segwit2x fork (be careful trading these futures though, if the forks are unrelated it isn’t clear how exchanges that are allowing Segwit2x futures trading will rectify this).
Bitcoin Smart (BCS): Equihash mining, 8mb blocks, Segwit, replay, smart contracts, no pre-mine. The smart nod is a nod to smart contracts. It is similar to Bitcoin God where it throws the kitchen sink into the mix. Block 505050. //bcs.info/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin Ore (BCO): Proof of capacity AKA proof of space, 8mb blocks, replay protection. Block 501,949. //www.bitcoinore.org/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin Interest (BCI): A proof of stake Bitcoin fork (it pays you interest for holding BCI essentially). January 22nd, 2018 11:59 PM GMT, or at Block 505083. //bitcoininterest.io/. NOTE: Snapshot block already occurred; no futures trading that I know of.
Bitcoin Rhodium (BTR): Don’t have any information on block height, the snapshot was January 10 at 23:59:59 UTC and the chain is live according to the official site. //www.bitcoinrh.org.
Bitcoin Atom (BCA): Bitcoin Atom is a SegWit enabled Bitcoin fork with atomic swaps, hybrid consensus, and lightning network. Block 505888 (occurred Jan 24, 2018). //bitcoinatom.io/. NOTE: BCA mainnet is now active, and the source code has been released – full details here: //medium.com/@bitcoinatom/bitcoin-atom-bca-releases-source-code-mainnet-b72efa4270c8. BCA is listed on CoinMarketCap.com and trades on YoBit.
Bitcoin Private (BTCP): Zclassic plans to fork Bitcoin to create Bitcoin Private (a privacy-focused Bitcoin that mashes up the features of Bitcoin Gold and Zcash/Zclassic). Zclassic holders and Bitcoin Holders will get Bitcoin Private ( BTCP), you need to hold Zclassic and Bitcoin for the fork. The supply is 19,700,000 BTCP (supply BTC + supply ZCL). Please note that you’ll likely need to hold Zclassic in a Zclassic wallet to be privy to this, thus buying and holding on Bittrex, for example, may not be enough. Snapshot date: The fork occurs February 28th, 2018 according to the official site, however no snapshot block height has been announced yet. Fork Date & Main Net Launch: Approximately 2 days after the snapshot occurs. See Zclassic Twitter: //twitter.com/zclassiccoin and Zclassic Dev’s Twitter: //twitter.com/HeyRhett
Bitcoin Hush (BTCH): Like with Zclassic, Bitcoin Hush is a proposed cross-coin fork-type-thing (an “immaculate merge fork” according to the devs). To quoth the BTCH GitHub: “For each 1 HUSH, you will get 1 BTCH. For each 1 SUPERNET, you will get 1 BTCH. For each 1 DEX, you will get 1 BTCH. For each 1 BTC, you will get 1 BTCH. BTCH takes the value from four different blockchains (HUSH, SUPERNET, DEX, BTC), and then dumps it onto a host chain Komodo (KMD).” The concept being that you can hold any or all of those coins, then you’ll configure the upcoming wallet to claim the coins. There is no block announced. The original date given was 12 pm NOON UTC on Jan 16th, 2018. However, it was moved to “a block height closest to (but not later than) 12 pm NOON UTC on Feb 1st, 2018. //bitcoinhush.github.io/ and //btchush.org/.
Quantum Bitcoin (QBTC). This fork seems to have occurred, the information on it is limited. //www.quantumbitcoin.top/.
Bitcoin LITE (BTCL): This fork seems to have occurred, the information on it is limited. https://www.bitcoinlite.net/.
BitcoinClean: BitcoinClean is a “green” Bitcoin fork (it is meant to be energy friendly in terms of mining). According to the site, the fork occurs at block 517799. The block is projected to occur Tuesday, April 18th, 2018, 4:30 am (UTC). Block 518800 will be the first bitcoinClean block. //www.bitcoinclean.org.
Bitcoin Lunar (BCL): A potential fork, almost no information about what it does online. The name implies that it will occur the first day of spring is the 20th March 2018 and at 4:20 GMT (according to their Twitter). //www.bitcoinlunar.org/

https://cryptocurrencyfacts.com/2017/12/05/upcoming-bitcoin-forks-2017-2018/