Bad life period

Hi, guys!

No matter how hard I tried, I still started having a depressive episode, and now I can’t deny it. I still go to bed very early, wake up disgustingly late, and it’s just some kind of nightmare. I just can’t get myself out of bed. Yesterday I cried literally all day, and in the evening outside of bed I met with my therapist, but it didn’t lead to anything special, but at least we talked. I felt a little better.

I still feel terribly alone, it’s such a terrible feeling. I think now I need more sessions with a therapist so that NKY and I can work on my head and get everything back on track, because it’s obvious that I definitely can’t handle this on my own. She says the right things, which I understand myself, but it’s so painful for me to hear some of them. But you have to accept them and try to live with them, build your life anew, but it’s so difficult.

So now I need to somehow organize my life differently, and I don’t know how exactly yet. But I really hope that I can do it. Maybe I’ll be able to find friends in a writers’ society? Which I really hope for, because otherwise I don’t know what to do. I need to expand my social circle, and it’s harder to do this as an adult than when you’re a teenager, and I need to do this in a meaningful way, because it’s just a disaster what’s happening to me with this.

So I decided that I’ll try to communicate as much as possible, and I hope that I’ll be able to form new social contacts. I’m not a bad person. Yes, I have problems with my head, and quite serious ones, but that doesn’t make me a bad person, these are just my peculiarities that I just have to put up with. It doesn’t mean that I’m somehow different. It just means that I have peculiarities. But I can live and work with them. And it doesn’t mean that I should tolerate a person next to me just because I have no one else to talk to, and his attitude towards me is simply disgusting.

Today I found a chat where our girl writers gather and write in my favorite offline book cafe. I think it's a great idea, I hope to get to such gatherings sometimes. If it works out, I'll start right next week. It will be great. And I hope all this will make me forget about the idiot girl who caused me to lose my phase.

Have a great day everyone!