I just got Married in Minahasa

Marriage
In and of itself getting married holds little significance to me and with that was at the bottom of my list of priorities, marriage on the other hand, in the sense of togetherness, oneness and keeping intent in acting from love instead of fear, is something I value above all else.

Unfortunately this marriage was born of fear and is a classic example of how religion has a tendency to build a structure around the words found in scriptures, of which can often keep people locked in a prison of fear, restricted by strict traditions and bound to superstition that keeps them out of reach of the inherent freedom found in "the way, the truth and the life"

For my wife Nindy in this case she has quite literally been confined to her parents house for the last few moths due to the unfair negative judgments of others.

Tying The Knot
Pregnant
Nindy became pregnant not long after we met in Bali, she herself being native to Indonesia. I went Bali to assist a friend with a business venture but changed my mind on seeing the general state of affairs after arrival, on finding out Nindy and I were expecting a baby my first thoughts were that we needed to live together and I needed to find employment, and fast.

I have two very close friends living in Vietnam who assured me I will find work there so on the back of this information I promptly asked Nindy what she thought about joining me to live in Vietnam, she told me she will think and then a few days later told me her family won't allow her to travel with me unless we are married.

Stretchy!Probably the most rebellious member of this classroom, Teaching in Vietnam, What a Guy!

Decision Time
I had to decide if I should stay in Bali where at that point I was able to do bits of cash in hand work (illegally) and see if I could work it all out there or if I should go to Vietnam for work. Nindy, conditioned and bound by the rules of tradition was not able to co-inhabit with me and was working from 6am to 10pm most days for very little money but still expected to try and send money home to her parents, I didn't spend much time with her.

For me it was confusing, I didn't know a great deal about Indonesian culture so did a little research and tried my best to understand and honour these traditional ways of doing things, however, I felt strongly that common sense and love should prevail over any law, rule, tradition, or interpretation/misinterpretation of any religious text or teachings.

I was happy about going to eat Italian food when they said "we go pasta"... But they said Pastor

Choice
I decided the only option was for me to go to Vietnam, but then of course on hearing that Nindy was pregnant her family insisted I go visit them in Minahassa and discuss getting married as soon as possible because of course for Nindy to be pregnant and unmarried would bring shame upon her and her family and a great deal of judgement and gossip from other people, thus Nindy has been in fear of stepping outside her front door for the last three or four months. Judge not, that ye be not judged, if a couple have the best of intentions for each other then does it matter they have a gathering and signed piece of paper to say so if it's going to cause problems?

For me it made perfect sense that as I couldn't really work in Indonesia that my pregnant girlfriend and I go together as one to a place where I can earn enough to support a family, put the needs of our baby first, work on our relationship and look at fixing all the bureaucratic gobbledygook as we go.

A Government Official, to make things official.. He asked questions and scribbled his pen around on that paper

Oneness Of God
Nindy and I have have been separated from each other, Nindy at home with her parents while I was stuck in Bali so I could try find enough money for the wedding and obtain the correct documents from the British Consulate to marry, I couldn't afford to to-and-fro back and forth from Bali to Sulawesi so was kind of stuck in limbo.

What kind of a loving God would force a father and expectant mother to be separated and placed under unnecessary stress for the sake of a piece of paper with their names on it? Not the truth of God as I know.

It's also a legal requirement to be married before giving birth in Indonesia otherwise the baby is deemed an illegitimate child and we wouldn't get a birth certificate with my name on it as the father.

I don't know what these white gloves were about, I thought maybe they wanted me to referee a snooker game

But Hooray! Im Married
The wedding itself was all quite surreal and I felt more like I was co-starring in some theatrical stage show rather than really getting married, Nindy had to translate what was being said in the proceedings from Indonesian into English but she totally forgot how to speak English as she evidently felt like she was floating around in a pleasant dream, it was touching to see and even fills me with a loving warmth as i think of it.

I feel a sense of relief that the pressure to marry has been lifted, I still feel a bit of residual anger at being forced by tradition, religion, law and ultimately fear of what other people will think or say, into going against the natural order of the universe and being essentially backed into a corner by misguided concepts.

My New Family

There are cases where a family will basically ostracise their daughter if they fall pregnant to a man who won't marry them and even suicide due to the shame and gossip around falling pregnant and failing to marry, and I guess there are many otherwise good men who would happily father their child who do a runner because of the pressure to fix a wedding and meet all the other expectations placed on them. I could waffle on for ages about this sort of stuff .

Anyway, I'm married and Nindy is nearly seven months pregnant. I need to get myself to Vietnam and hopefully find a job and see how life unfolds.

My cheeks are withdrawn with stress and Nindy's are bloated with gingivitis,we look wonderful together!

The bottom line is when people get tied up in concepts and strict rules about how they are supposed to live their lives then things can get really difficult, there are too many contradictions and paradoxes and then injustices born of the confusion, the truth of God is infinitely bigger than any idea or concept and in fact all ideas and concepts dissolve in the truth and the love and the light, we are all intrinsically gifted with the silent infinite wisdom of God.