I think I might not watch enough porn because I’ve seen maybe, like, 3 pieces of silverware in every video I’ve ever watched.

Are sure what you’re watching is porn? Could you possibly be watching infomercials for kitchen utensils and mistaking it for pornography?

If so, I’m really sorry to have to break it to you this way but...but I think you’re sexually attracted to cutlery.

I’m here for you.