Ok, so Halloween is over, we all know what that means!

 

No, not some dumb bird.

I'm talking about the symbol of the holiday that comes right after Halloween.

No, get those buckleheaded doofuses out of here.

Come on, the guy with the red suit and the beard.

That's the stuff.

That's right, today's Marvel character is...Qunton Hudd!

http://marvel.wikia.com/wiki/Santa_Claus_(Earth-616)

You may know him by other names, of course, like Santa, Saint Nicholas, or Father Christmas.

Mere aliases, however, as the truth is Qunton is just a mutant with an incredibly jolly power set who just really likes kids and is willing to sneak into their houses at night.

I'm not saying Santa Claus… sorry, Qunton, is a creep. Society has already made that case for me. Anyone who thinks about the concept for more than a few moments will inevitably produce a screenplay on the subject. Or at least a spec script for a very special holiday sitcom episode.

Anyway, this is not about Qunton’s general weirdness, it's about the specific weirdness of his appearances in Marvel comics.

It's hard to tell from the wiki how much of this is just general background lore for Santa and how much is derived from comics, but the first thing I am sure came from comics is that in WWII he was kidnapped by Hitler to depress Coca-Cola sales.

I mean, that's not the real reason but it's no dumber than the real one.

Luckily Captain America comes to the rescue!

 
Anyone else you wanna save while you're there Steve-o? No? Just the toy guy? Ok…

Then, later…

No, hold on. Seriously Cap? I know, for a fact, that you have gotten close enough to punch Hitler in the face, and I know you have a gun. Come on, man!

Ok, ok, sorry.

 
Later Qunton got a bit of revenge anyway when his sleigh distracts a pilot working for the Hate-Monger, a “clone of Hitler”, in the skies over New York. This did however run the pilot into a nuclear bomb which saved/destroyed (I can't do all of your research for you, crack a book, people) the city.

Neither of these early encounters really called Qunton out as a mutant, probably because mutants didn't really exist until X-men #1 in 1963.

In an amazing coincidence, it is the pages of a later issue of that very comic that we discover he is a mutant, and that he is “the most powerful mutant ever detected” by Cerebro.

The X-men and the Brotherhood of evil mutants both try and recruit him and fail.

 
I mean sure, Qunton could solve a lot of problems for mutants just by coming out as a mutant, imagine having to explain to your kid that you're sending a Hunter-Killer robot to kill Santa.

And, sure he only actually works once a year and could help the X-men save lives the rest of the time.

Sure, I could turn Magneto into a toy, but I'd have to put on pants.

And sure he… um...actually you know what, Qunton. Not cool. Take some great responsibility with your great power, man.

Plus, why ya gotta make Captain America go all the way to Europe if you could have teleported yourself out of there? Or, I dunno, helped any of the other people in the vicinity who were also there against their will?

...

YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN QUNTON.

You can't run from the truth old man!

Anyway other stuff happened to Qunton too but honestly at this point I'm too disgusted with him to go on.

P.S. Per the stats, I'm shorter and fatter than Santa. That's a wake up call.

I nominate @dustinseth and @veryspider to participate!