I do sprints. I can never commit to a single thing for the long haul. What I have discovered is that I thrive on several interests at once. Then the question "merely" becomes how to balance them. And how to see one of them through long enough so that it may bear fruits eventually.
This is whereI have failed thus far, at least on a worldly level. Part of my wordly mind - Pfiffi - keeps telling me it's because I keep changing that major focus of mine to something else, just short of the moment something came to fruition majorly. But, I have accepted it. I am a multiversed being. So all I can do is to learn to honor and dance with it. As universe created me, or maybe I did and chose. Still not sure. I respect believers in God and they got something basic right about this place. But it's not the whole story.
Multiversed. Multiversed because multi-situational. My life has become sort of a movie, where I am observing myself more and more, and shoving myself less and less. Yes, the surfer analogies still hold up well - too well for my taste. I don't like dogmas and useful mind models that serve me for too long, I become suspect of them. More than the dude on the board, I am more of the camera that is pointed at the surfer riding the immediate wave. And I dig it.
Case in point, my current scene is sitting in our beloved sprinter van - this time inside a car workshop in my home "country" Germany. Nevermind that it is not an actual country like everybody believes. People here still do what they have always done, but I have changed immensely.
However, little has changed in people's outward expression towards this place and society, change here comes slow even though there is so much that ought to spark the will to change old patterns. Because necessity. But people resist it largely. And you know what? I don't mind it. I have made utter peace with the situation here and I can only focus on what makes me happy. For me that is a real breakthrough. Live and let live.
Half of the van is propped up and our car-mechanic friend is removing rust and soldering new floor and side panels for our van. And sitting here in this non-horizontal attitude (lol) I felt my desire to write for hive creep back into my focus. And I took it instantly! As long as I got my hive keys and I feel that calling... I shall seize it right away!
It's just that most of what is in my feed does not interest me, nor do I feel like sharing when I got nothing worth saying. Writing for the sake of posting is not my highest excitement so screw the rewards. Better to follow my excitement into other places, and hope they all do mash up into something bigger down the line. Trusting the smartness of life. Faith.
So, for the time capsule: How do I feel, in fake Gregorian calendar September 2024? I feel great. I draw immense strength from the contrast of seeing the place I left about 4 and a half years ago, to the me I have become since then. All those experiences man. Travelling will change you, it remains a top recommendation for anyone out there, especially for those who are thinking about it. Who are dabbling in dreaming about a different life. For instance, unforeseen, my woman and I ended up one the We Are One festival in Italy this summer ;)
Another note on travelling... I am pretty much fed up with it now. Ahahahaha.
I want to land as much as I wanted to for these past years, but changing my attitude to get more with the immediate and focus less on the potential future has set me free in many ways. I still want to land and at the same time I don't mind that I haven't.
Like knowing your strengths and working with them rather than wishing for something the mind conjured up that is fictional and not based on real cosmic impulse.
I got projects lined up, writing a manual for my dear friend's one-man software company. Finally getting into flow states regularly with my music software. Working on my eyesight with small incremental successes. And all the world in front of me to invite me to my next leg in life. Things are good. And god am I happy to say so ahaha.
Once our van is fixed up and the allegedly elected "German government" deems it safe to keep driving it (ahahahaha) we shall leave Germany again because C'M ON! This place has incredible potential and people are sleeping through it all. Not all people, but that is the sum of my subjective observations of these past weeks here. Things gotta get a whole lot worse and you can bet they will!
Nothing here for us, only sad people stuck in their rut, communicating in subtext their unfulfilled and unrealized wishes and dreams to one another in this detestable subliminal, judgmental manner. Projecting implicitly while portraying remote mind models explicitly. It is disheartening.
Comparing it to my time in Albania or Italy is sad because BOY, what a contrast. But Germans have been brainwashed - probably more than any other nation I am aware of (it's not a contest though). And I wish them all the best in figuring their prison out. But this is my life. And my woman and I want something better than this. So might as well leave for a second time. We are better equipped than ever. And I still love her. Wow right? 5 years and I still love that woman.
The 2 people leaving have grown immensely and so too - I feel - will our resonant destinations and the people that universe will throw our way. Right @clareartista?
I realized that these tough recent times of getting a cosmic NO to what I thought I wanted... have only strengthened my faith in the universe's agenda. In its unparalleled smartness - because it includes the smartness of all its self-subjective subsystems. Acid people will understand. Shroom people too. And a whole host of others that have done their homework.
Many boring stories I could tell of our recent travels, but that is far from the point right now. It's not the current wave. This is for my kids, so YOU may read my diary one day and figure me out better. That's Pfiffi's best guess why I am writing this. Whatever ;)
Many blessings to you.
And special blessings to both @clareartista and @vincentnijman. We can't wait to meet you both at once when our paths cross again. Major props for visiting Italy Vince, Clärchie is a treasure <3 Like attracts like, another of those way too long-running dogmas of mine but it does hold up well. Knowing you two are out there gave us much uplift over here.
That is all for now. Back to my other resonant activities.
nice pic from the fest & good that you've met the hiveans too :)
aye, it's become a lot of fun partying with the different local tribes of the same scene in europe.
i preferred the free earth festival in greece though. it's a clear recommendation and not extremely far from you, if you want to try something new next summer. i hope it will stay true to the spirit for a few years longer ;)
yes for sure!
& we've watched a lot of videos from there ;)
I learned to stopped feeling guilty about my fickleness with art and to lean into it. I stopped holding back my best work because it “wasn’t ready” and realized that if I couldn’t “finish” it in 10 years then I probably wouldn’t in the next 20 years and maybe the pressure of trying to do right by my work had actually hindered my work.
Releasing a few amateur music videos and treating my songs as temporarily “finished products” had felt like such a release for me. It just motivates me to do better next time, rather than constantly feeling like I need better conditions to make the art I want to make.
I’m curious what was so nice in Albania
yes! it has shifted to a full commitment to the cosmic wave and the intuitive impulse. fearless art creation rather than stifled overthinking of the results.
i am getting it more and more and i am so grateful for it.
albania, the rural southern part, has a lifestyle and values that differ a lot from germany. people take walks with their family, everybody seems to have time to talky relax and enjoy life more. the herds are roaming the green hills without tags in their ears, shepherds bring gifts and are happy when you invite them for a coffee.
life there feels more immediate, more gratifying and real than in a culture where so many of the accepted norms are modern, "progressive" and isolating. italy was very similar. and greece and turkey.
it's that approach to life, and seeing the contrast to our old home place in northern germany that makes for such a stark and poignant contrast. i feel i know now that the other approach is what makes my life enriched. and thus we shall go south again <3