I need to get this out...

in #family7 years ago

So this is going to be a bit hard for me to write

But it's going to be good for me in the end. I joined Steemit because I love to write but also I needed to have an outlet a healthy way for me to get things out in the open. It's a way for me to express, really the only way I know how, what I feel, what I'm thinking, things I can't verbalize well enough to get my point across.

There were a hard couple days last week.

I dealt with my first reprimand at work as a manager. Which, in all honesty is hard for me because he's doing a great job but there were things that needed to be addressed that couldn't simply go unnoticed. So I had to prep myself Thursday night for that meeting on Friday. I was terrified, but it went well enough... at least I think so. Regardless I'm the manager and it needed to be done.

For this reason

And having another employee out of the office on vacation I couldn't pull myself away to go to my mom's doctors appointment. This left my dad alone, for the first time, with her neurologist. I hated that I couldn't be there. I hated that he had to go alone, I hated that I wasn't there because we're a team in this and damnit, that's all we have.

Fuck I hated leaving him

Excuse my language but, I hated leaving him alone. I did though because I had to. I couldn't get away. My dad had texted me that night saying he loved me. I texted back if he was okay and that I loved him too. He said he was just a bit depressed. That's when I remembered he had gone alone to her appointment - a simple check up but you just never know with Alzheimer's disease. It's a horribly progressive disease that can take a person away from you fast, without question. So I called, thinking something happened, something new emerged.

Nothing new, just an eye opening experience alone.

I knew this, I had had a few of those of my own - when my dad couldn't get away either I did it alone. I spoke personally with the doctor and he told me the nitty gritty truth of it all. He told me with no vial over my eyes. He held nothing back - for that I was grateful because I knew what to expect. All of which I had told my father, I had relayed this information to him, but it's different seeing it first hand, hearing it from a doctors mouth. I hated I wasn't here.

He shouldn't have been alone.

We had a long conversation that night. I had pulled myself away from my step son and husband at Dave and Busters, a family gaming restaurant and spoke with him in depth about it all. I decided he and I would have a father daughter day up coming - very soon - hopefully next week if I can get away. He needed to start caring for himself too - not just Mom. It's hard hearing it first hand like he had... Like I had... when I heard it from the doctors mouth like that I had cried for hours...

When chance is out of your hands and there's nothing you can do, it changes things.

You feel at a loss, broken and torn. It's a hard thing to get through. When it involves something you loves so much it makes it even harder. My parents are my life. I just hope my mom's disease doesn't break my father... or me... I don't know what we'll do as thing progress but we'll do it together...

So... That's it. Sorry for being a downer. I needed to get it out though. I've had it in for a few days now... Thanks for listening. Much love to you ALL. Hold your loved ones close... that's all you have.

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hugs* Little one <3

*hugs back ♡♡♡♡

Every good vibe I can find is for you! Can't rain forever!!!
(It's been a year I'm repeating these words, rain will stop sooner or later, I do believe!)

Thank you my friend! That means so much to me! My good thoughts to you darling! Seriously, thank you!!

This is a place for you to do the writing you need :) I can't even imagine having to go through all that. Be well and stay strong!

Thank you sir! We have been trying to do our best :) Thank you for your support!

All people can ever do :) Life is hella complex and no matter how much we prep for stuff like this, it's never easy. Be well! Lots of positive vibes and hugs your way :)

Exactly. I like to think that we're dished only what we can take... We just have to keep going, no matter what. Thank you so so much for your kind words. I'll take all the hugs I can get! Hugs back :)