I’ve been wanting to write for several weeks but I still don’t know how to put my thoughts and feelings in words. However, I can’t postpone it forever.
On the 2nd of November my dad passed away. He would become 59 years old exactly two weeks later. Not even a month before he died, we talked about visiting him next year in Czech Republic where he lived. He promised to cook something vegan for us and I was so excited as he was a great cook.
He died at 4 AM in his bedroom. And I didn’t ask for the details, I just couldn’t. I decided to believe that he was asleep and didn’t suffer. A guy called me at 7 PM and I couldn’t say anything. I was shocked and didn’t understand what he was telling me. The only thing I could say to my husband was: He died.
The next few days were blurry. I didn’t know I could cry so much and I still don’t understand how I managed to organize everything. My dad made many mistakes when he was younger and my family didn’t find the strength to forgive him. But I gave him another chance many years ago and he didn’t disappoint me.
My husband and I spent as much time as we could with him and I considered it a privilege to organize a funeral in his home village. He didn’t have an easy life and it was a long way for him to change but he did it and I was so proud of him. I wish he had a chance to reconcile with my brother and sister.
We had a beautiful orthodox ceremony and I met his family after 16 years. It was all very emotional for everyone. My grandma was kissing my hands and told me how proud he was of me and that he kept telling her that I was the best daughter he could have wished for. It was comforting to hear that as my dad wasn’t very good with words and never told me these things directly. I knew he loved me but he never talked about his feelings.
My dad loved mountains and we managed to find a spot for him that is located on top of a hill. From there he has a beautiful view of the hilly region where he was born and spent more than 30 years of his life.
I think about you everyday and I miss you so much. There are moments when I wish this was just a bad dream. I wish to hear you again, to see you one more time, just one more hug..
I love you dad, and I am proud to be your daughter.
Rest in peace.
This is how I remember you - happy, smiling, and loving.
:(
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for your loss. Death is never easy, but especially when it is so unexpected. Sending virtual hugs your way. 💚
Thank you so much, Katie. And sorry for not responding.. I just couldn't...
No apologies needed. 💚💚
Congratulations @delishtreats!
You raised your level and are now an Orca!
Do not miss the last post from @hivebuzz:
Oh gosh, so sorry to hear of your grief and loss. I'm glad you have some good memories of him and were able to go to his funeral and say goodbye xxx
Oh Martina. Bless you. I enjoyed reading this and am so glad you wrote it and shared it. That is so precious that your grandma told you the words your dad couldn't say and did it as she was kissing your hands. You know have beautiful memory of both him and her. The picture didn't show for me. Would love to see it.
Thank you so much, Sara. I'm sorry for not responding earlier.. I just couldn't deal with it very well. I don't know why it didn't show but I will try to post it in the comment soon.. Hope, you're doing well my dear friend..
So good to hear from you. I have been thinking about you and wondering how and what you are doing.
Oh, it's so nice of you! I've been doing well now. I was surprised it hit me so hard and it took me long to put myself somehow together.. but now it's good. Life goes on and we've been doing so much things lately that I don't have time to be sad anymore :)
And how are you doing? How is the winter treating you? I've been reading about the cold in some parts of USA - so very sad..
Oh that is great that you are doing things and moving forward, I like to think that is what our parents would want us to do. It is difficult and grief is hard. I remember you made a comment on the post about my mom's death wondering how you would handle it when your parent died. We really have no idea how much it will affect us. We just need to be who we are and live the best way we know how.
Yes, the cold, especially in Texas has been very hard for so many people. In Arizona it is the loveliest times of year...Sunny and in the 70s. I just posted about going to the Desert Botanical Garden yesterday. Amazing weather here.
Upřímnou soustrast... :(
Dakujem, a prepac, ze som neodpovedala skor, no nejak som sa na to nezmohla..