Just on my illusion

I don't understand the way the thoughts of other people who always look at me cynically as if I were just a little virus that could threaten their lives at any time. In fact, I was just an ordinary girl-more precisely a college student aged nineteen years. My daily life is not so varied, butterflies go home and so on. Can not be said to be a closed person who goes through all his daily life in the room, I also have a handsome boyfriend named Neo. My boyfriend is a mature man even though we are the same age, he is the CEO of a bona fide company owner.

If you think our story is like a fairy tale, step away! Even though we've been in a relationship for four years, Neo has always been cold towards me. Thinking of me as nothing more than a maid who every day he orders his forehead, I do live in his apartment-cleaning the room, wiping all the furniture but not for cooking. He said I was a disgusting man; rarely take a shower, even brush my teeth when I remember, and rarely wash my hair which makes my hair tangled.

It's strange, if you ask what reason this man wants to have a relationship with me. My own name is Aksari, ten years locked up in a mental hospital for the unwarranted slander raised by the villagers. Just because they found me alone with a knife stuck in the eye of a cat in my lap - they ushered me out of the house, tackling me to the hospital. And there I felt the insistent torment; my hands must be tied, my lips tight, and the needles that touch my wrist every day have made an impression until now.

Then, four years ago, how fair it was for the One to meet me with a man named Neo. Where did I doubt her presence in this world, was she real or just an illusion I created myself? And Neo is real, the proof is he who saved me from the hole of shame. Adopting me as a lover as well as a maid, how kind is it not my boyfriend?

I, who is currently dancing my fingers on the laptop keyboard keys, paused for a moment, my bedroom door opened, revealing that frustrated face again. His eyes looked red and the pockets underneath grew even black, “Go home Aksari! I hate seeing that face of yours! " he snapped. He started throwing things at me, I just didn't feel the pain even though the hard object hit my arm and forehead.

"I'm not coming home, this is my home too!" I shouted painfully. He smiled indignantly, watching my appearance from top to bottom. He walked closer, made my body inching backwards.

"What is wrong with you? Afraid of me? " he said with a wicked smile. Neo has never changed, likes to be rude and arbitrary to me. Never thinking about my heart and physical problems, all that was in his brain was his image as a big businessman. Once upon a time the man said what was the reason for adopting me; just for the sake of winning an award for the brilliant career of this man even at a young age.

"Why am I afraid of you, you are not God who created me," I replied. We dialogue like strangers who have just met - a formality that we always choose, even in everyday conversational sentences. Every day, I have to call his name with the word "Lord."

“It's up to Aksari, after all, I won't think you are real. You are just a shadow to me, you should go! " he said insisting on defending his argument. I was just silent, strengthening my heart from the harsh words that always left his lips. Did I ever think about myself that bad to be loved by others? Then, why does God never bring beauty and beauty to me?

He also stepped out again, leaving me alone and friends in silence. My feelings are empty, falling in love with my own lover who never thinks I'm real. He always said that I was a shadow — a most terrifying mirage. In fact, I really want to be the aurora-light that makes the black space more meaningful. However, that guy always argued that a lowly human like me didn't deserve high fantasies to become a star.

Tonight, the rain was pouring down, lightning ruthlessly striking the sky. My feelings panic when Neo is not home quickly, with a raging mind I sat on the bed waiting for the man to arrive.

My wish seems fulfilled, have you ever heard of the rain philosophy? In essence, the prayers that were spoken in between the profusely hitting rinai would soon be granted by the One. The angel is rotating the earth, seeing whoever has the frail hands and the tiny lips that are praising and fluttering glorifying the One-and this time I am also one of theirs.

The door to the main room was wide open, but again my heart was disappointed by the facts. A man walks with a limp body with a woman dressed in scantily clad, their hands are interlocked with the man's head resting on the woman's open shoulders. Even I, as his lover, was never touched by him, Neo is really too much.

Finally I walked in front of them, lunging their bodies until they fell onto the floor tiles that were cold to the sum-sum. "Ouch, it hurts!" groaned the woman holding her ass that had just kissed the floor. Neo immediately looked at me, his gaze so shining like a devil in the dark. He stood up strangling my neck, but again I didn't feel the same shortness of breath I used to feel when faced with physical violence by him.

"Women don't know themselves!" she screamed. I glanced at the woman who just stared at us arrogantly, her lips opened and as if surprised by the sight in front of her.

“You don't know yourself! You already have me, why do you still bring other women in front of me? " I asked, hurt. He laughed dryly, his voice filling the void of this room - thundering closely tied to the growl of the thunderbolt that was cutting through the sky.

Either because our fight was too tense, the girl rushed out of the house. Neo chuckled in disgust, then soon the man fell to the floor — maybe the alcohol level in his blood had already reached an abnormal threshold.

Orange began to appear on the horizon, the feathers appeared again. Flying with friends, want to seek God's sustenance today. I opened the curtains so that I let the yellow turmeric into this spacious room. The man was still closed with clothes that were still attached to his athletic body. I dare not touch it, really! I didn't want those broad hands to come back to my thin cheeks.

Finally, all I could do was blow his face so he would wake up. The two petals opened, the net looked directly at me. However, there was no more coldness in his gaze.

"Aksari, come home ..." he said softly. In fact, his hand that never stopped hitting me now stopped in my dark mane, stroking it like a master against an injured kitten. I shook my head, confused about why he always sent me home.

Prang!

The sound of the shards was heard when Neo slammed the glass filled with milk that I had made for him. "Are you stupid? Or have you forgotten? You are just a mirage to me! You are no longer a part of me, Aksari you are not human! You are just a shadow that comes after the separation of your spirit and body. Trust me, I ... I am just a human being who by chance has the special ability to see you. " What did he say just now? Mirage? Not human? Then why am I in the world?

“I realized I was wrong all this time. Restrain you so that it makes you depressed mentally and physically. Don't you remember about the body of a woman that was found half a year ago? The girl with long78 hair in a pink dress drowning in the bath with her arms torn off? ”

I froze in place, staring at him with teary eyes. “Yes, that's you! You died half a year ago. And you are an illusion that is always present in front of me, now go home…, ”he asked once again.

The tears violently broke my eyelids. The image of a woman who was sobbing sobbing haunted my mind. The woman was dressed in pink, weeping because she didn't get the freedom she wanted. Then ending her life tragically cutting her veins with a razor blade, causing blood to pour out of her mouth to fill the bathtub in which the woman was soaking - and that was me ...