"Are you even sure this thing is doing you at all?" Her voice and the song of pain jerked me up. She had been standing in the room, watching me pretend to be asleep.
"Mummy you are back?" I sat up, a frown on my face.
"Are you sure this thing is doing you at all? How can you be in pain and still be sleeping? Hmmmm, this girl, you don't know anything yet" she searched my face, probably trying to be sure I wasn't faking it.
"Of course mummy. It's doing me even now"
"Has the frequency changed yet? Has it become any stronger?"
"Uhn!"
"Oya, come and sweep the compound. No, come and separate the chaff from the wheat." She said as she searched for a more befitting work to give to me.
"But I want to sleep some more" I protested.
"Don't you want to get this over with? If you don't want to then go back to sleep, I am going out" she walked out of the room and banged the door after her.
I crawled out of the bed to my feet with my hands supporting my back. I looked like one who had swallowed the Himalayas. Of course, I wanted to get it over with and fast. I looked like a whale pretending to be human. I was heavy.
At some point, I had started doubting if it was actually the real deal too. It didn't hurt much and the frequency of the cramps did not change either. I looked even more beautiful and relaxed despite the little infrequent pains.
As I came out of my room, I saw mummy suddenly stand up from where she had sat blowing chaff from the wheat and leave without a word.
"Mummy where are you going to?" I shouted after her but my voice came echoing back with no reply from her.
She returned some minutes later with a nurse in tow and beckoned me into the maternity ward.
As I joined them, I smiled at the nurse, without knowing what i was in for. We went inside the labour room and i was asked to lie back and spread my legs. I smiled to myself and thought so that's it?.
"I am going to check how dialated you are now" the nurse announced, putting on a surgical glove. Mummy stood at the head of the bed, watching my smiling face.
"Check away nurse" I replied recklessly. I didn't know about the pain. No one ever told me how it was done.
The nurse inserted one finger into me and I winced painfully, still having a smile at the corner of my mouth.
"What?" She asked, smirkng.
"It's painful now" came my curt reply.
"Hehehehe" mummy laughed. "See this one. Nurse please carry on" she waved her on, and carry on, the nurse did.
She inserted a second finger, then a third and beads of perspiration gathered on my forehead immediately.
"Nurse wait!" I held her hand. "What are you trying to do? Are you trying to kill me?" I cast her an angry look.
No man had ever even inserted one and half fingers completely in there before and here was this crazy nurse inserting three. I was mad as hell.
"Madam, see remove your hand, let me check this thing. I need to know how dialated you are so I can decide on what to do next. Mummy please help me tell her" she said, without bringing out her monstrous fingers from my vagina.
I looked at mummy, expecting her to tell the nurse to get her fat fingers out from inside me but she gave me a warning look; behave yourself the look said and I froze.
The nurse twisted her hand again and again, looking for a space that wasn't there. She positioned her fourth finger and inserted it too. I clutched the bed post and screamed. I wanted to push her hands off. I tried but her hands were firm in there.
"Shhhhhh don't scream. You want everyone to know you are giving birth?" Mummy warned again
"Tell her to stay one place so the membrane won't get ruptured o" The nurse warned.
To hell with membrane, nonsense. This is hell. I thought and almost hissed out loud.
She eventually removed her fingers when she realised there was simply no way she could reach farther than that.
"Okay, you are just 6cm dialated and I need you to be 10cm. Its 6cm cos it's only three fingers that were able to enter successfully. Once my five fingers enters, then you are 10cm."
" five fingers?" I shot to a sitting position despite my bulging abdomen and the pain between my limbs.
I knew I had a look that could kill on my face. Mummy pulled me back down immediately.
"Relax na. Do you want to kill your baby? See this drug" The nurse said. She held up a tiny yellowish looking tablet. "I will insert it inside there. It will help you to be more dialated than you already are. So close your eyes, take a deep breath an hold your two legs tight as I do that"
I did as I was told, afterall, mummy was there and I dared not misbehave. The journey began all over again. Two fingers went in first with the drug in between them. Then the third and the fourth and the then fifth. A silent scream left my lungs as my breath left me. Constellations of strange universes and planets gathered in my eyes as I wriggled and writhed on the bed, the pain shooting through my body like thousands of electric shocks.
She started going further in with her whole hand– I was beside myself with what I knew was more than pain. Suddenly, just when I could take it no more, she withdrew her hand.
"Very good. I will be going back to work. I will come back to check on her later when I close" she removed the gloves on her hands, tossed them in the bin nearby and stepped out.
"That is just the start of the process." she said in Yoruba. "Sit down and if the pain is getting too much, walk around" she said as she left.
I took my phone and opened my WhatsApp. I couldn't wait to tell Peter what I had just experienced. At that moment, the contractions began. It felt like a bulldozer was pulling through the bones on my lower back. The pain would spread and stretch then subside again and again. There was even enough interval between each contraction and I still had the energy to smile when Peter called the nurse a whore and said he was going to get her arrested for molesting me.
Each passing contraction was stronger and more painful than the last one. The bulldozer was getting bigger while my back was getting smaller and weaker.
"How is it doing you now? Has it become stronger? Is it getting closer together?" mummy asked, watching me closely.
"Mummy yes. It is stronger now" I replied in gasps as another contraction hit me with full force. "My back!" I screamed between clenched teeth.
I sat down, struggled up, walked around and sat again, yet there was no relief. Suddenly I started feeling nauseated. Two other midwives had joined us and one of them quickly gave me a bucket. I had a contraction as I retched into it. It felt like my world was spinning and I was about to hang in limbo.
"Mummy I'm tired, I want to sleep, when will..." Before I could finish the last question, another contraction started building. I tried to pray it away but the more I tried the stronger and more painful it became.
"Go and lie on the bed" she said.
I felt so grateful, thinking that was the end of it. I laid down and closed my eyes, the three of them surrounded me, watching closely. I was just about to finally drift off when the most painful one hit me. Unlike the previous ones, this one lasted longer. I kept writhing on the bed, begging for relief, begging them to just let me sleep but no one listened.
"I can't, I can't...." I knew i shouldn't say that for the sake of my baby but i said it anyway. It was too much to bear. I kept hearing sorry from different angles. If only sorry could solve all things, then I doubt I'd be on that bed.
Before I could heave a sigh of relief, another one began again and again and again. I was no longer allowed to even breathe before the next one. I arched my back involuntarily, pleas leaving my lips in a rush.
Mummy stood there, fear in her eyes even as I sought her with my eyes. I saw that she was helpless too and even more scared than I was. I wanted to hold someone so I reached out to her but she was seated too far away.
The nurse soon arrived and quickly put on another pair of gloves. Time to check again. I cursed all the nurses in the world and all the men too.
"Ah! Ah!! Ah!!!. Mummy, mummy my back" I screamed.
The nurse parted my legs, the other women stood beside her, staring down at what I had once called 'private'. I knew they were looking at it but I didn't care. I opened it even wider, all I wanted was to be free, to end it all and have the pain stop.
"I want to poo poo" I announced and started grunting. They all sprang to action, grabbing gloves after gloves. Mummy stood beside me, at the head of the bed. Then I heard 'puuuuuuush!'. I didn't have any other option than to obey. I pushed hard, the cords of muscles on my neck stretched taut with tension, tears blinding me to every face watching me. Suddenly the the contraction stopped.
I sighed in relief and closed my eyes but the nurse started jostling my stomach and that made the contractions come even stronger. I pushed and pushed, sweat and tears washing my face clean, my teeth biting my lower lips. At that moment, I just knew I was never going to have sex again and any man that offered would be cast to hell. I was so sure. The pain was wrecking my mind. I thought of Peter but didn't have the time to wonder what he was doing at that moment except curse all of his sex for making me cry, sweat and bear so much pain even as the prompt to push came again.
The nurse used her two hands to stretch the opening of my vagina apart, to check for the head of the baby.
"She is too tight. Give me the blade" she said.
My world froze when I heard that. I was going to be cut. I felt a cold fluid drizzle down but nothing else. There was no pains from the cut. It wasn't even noticed thanks to the contraction and all the pulling and stretching the nurse was doing.
"No! Leave me alone" I suddenly burst out when she started jostling my tummy again and i felt the contraction building again.
Why wouldn't she just allow me to rest? I was angry. They were all intentionally punishing me.
I eventually got hold of mummy's hand as I pushed again and again and again with more determination. Beyond all that pain was the thought of my baby, of the fact that, that day, I was going to hold my baby in my arms. And so I tried and tried again and again without letting myself give up.
I finally felt something gush out and heard my own Alleluia. I looked down and saw him, he looked so fair, so pale but that was all I saw before my world went black...
I was jostled awake. They said it was time to birth the placenta. The nurse's jostling hand was a blessing, I didn't have to sweat a bit before it was born. Then I felt her treacherous hand going in again but this time, it had a companion– a pad.
"What are you doing again" I wondered how she could be so mean, how could she try to go in there again?
"I want to clean your womb so that you can heal fast" she said and drove in yet again regardless of how sore that place already was.
She twisted and turned and twisted again until she was satisfied. I was eventually allowed to sleep after the raw stitching which was another battle between me and her fingers.
About the author:
Amaka Ophelia is a creative writer, blogger and a teacher from the Eastern part of Nigeria. Due to financial difficulties, she had been forced to quit writing but it still remains her passion.
Photo Credit: Amaka's photo was taken from her facebook account
EMPOWERMENT PLAN:
As a writer, Amaka needs a computer, a phone as well as internet connection. All her contributions' sbd payout will be gathered and sent to her at the end of the month of June. With that she can start on her journey to independence as well as find a home on steemit.
I will open am account for her in the middle of the next month and gradually bring her on the platform. I beg you to support her with upvotes, resteems and comments. Thank you.
Be a blessing to someone today!
@steemingnaija
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