Frustration
I am afraid that you are calling out to me again
My old friend
My private Hell
In a cell
For I have sinned
I thought that I had found a new sister
That I could bless and help someone in need
But she spit right in my face
And so many others she has deceived
And while I will admit that I never have nor will I ever be perfect
I do not appreciate being made out to be a monster again!
I am fighting the good fight daily
Fighting to stay alive and to stay away from the place that held me captive back in two-thousand and fifteen
But that is what you want…
Isn’t it?
For me to fall apart again and disappear
It is not even something that you are aware of
But your goony friends know more than they should
Because Satan has a whisper that is eager to spread from ear to ear
No one can be trusted in this shattered realm that has been considered as home
You knew that I had just lost a loved one
You knew that I was hurting
But you just had to push me
You just had to say things and push things and I finally had enough and snapped
If I am a Bitch for standing up for myself
Than a Bitch I shall be!
But do not say that you cannot stand me
Because I was perfectly fine when I was falling at your feet
And this is why I find it hard to trust
This is why, at times, I turn a cold shoulder to those so close to me
Because I am afraid of closeness
I have been stabbed in the back so many times that I do not know how I manage to stand up straight
But for every stab I have endured, welcomed, and dreaded; I have rose again to victory over the one and only who longs for me to be subdued
And here I am fighting again
Trying to find my way back from Hell…
There have been so many losses
So much bad news
So many chains that have been broken by distrust or pure hatred
Friends who were fake
Family who turned out to be frauds
Loved ones who were called Home so soon
And as I age…
It all becomes more of a struggle
Scratching and clawing to get back on my feet
Through the denial, the deceit, the forbidden freedom on the other side of the dice
I am alive
But I am dead and hallow inside
I do not want your pity
I am not vying for your bread crumbs
I am not alone in this darkness
I just need to strive to get closer to the light
Who hears me?
Who feels this?
Who longs for their freedom?
Let us unite and rise above all of the hate
All of the lies
All of the drama
Let us be who we are and prove that it is okay to be different
Speak now
Or forever linger in silence and misfortune
The choice is yours…
By, Tiffany Simar
2/13/19