Surviving in Chicago 101: Everything you need to know to survive in this dangerous city.

in #funny8 years ago

images.jpg

** THIS IS SATIRE AND NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, I AM FROM CHICAGO AS WELL** 

Surviving In Chicago 101

Often times you will hear on the new that 100 people had been shot in Chicago over the span of two hours on a Sunday. It may come as shock but this is the true reality of living in a dangerous city like Chicago. Every corner you turn there is usually someone bleeding out on the side walk or someone being mugged. So as a resident of Chicago I'm going to give you a few tips on how to stay safe 

A Gun

Obviously in order to protect yourself you are going to need some type of weapon right? Well a gun is your best bet, if you have a knife you are shit out of luck when you meet someone who wants to mug you with a gun. Once the attacker engages you get as far away as possible behind cover hopefully where he is unable to see you. Strategically peak behind your corner and make quick fire burst to ensure a possible hit. The thing is you want something small but accurate. Another tip is buying one that cannot be tracked, this is usually done through illegal means and through someone who may or may not want to kill you. Pistol_Auto_9_mm_1A_-_Kolkata_2012-01-23_8779.jpg

Medical Supplies


Now that you have your gun, you are going to need some supplies to protect yourself in case you are injured you will need something to self medicate any wounds. My favorite being the stitches but if the wound is too big just use a Tourniquet. It all seems much but if you are bleeding out and the cops are nowhere in sight because they were either killed or are too scared to come and get you, you gotta help yourself somehow right ?

download.jpg

A Buddy

This to me is one of the most important things when traveling in Chicago, sure you may not always need him but that one time you don't have him you are going to wish you did. Lets play out a little scenario, You are walking down the street and bam you are shot in the arm. You immediately collapse to the ground in pain and you are unable to grab your gun because your arm is bleeding too much. This is where your buddy comes in. If he was smart enough he too will have a gun and hopefully be quick enough to eliminate the attacker.

Thanks for reading everyone! If you have any suggestions for improvement on my posts please let me know!
** ALL PICTURES USED WERE USED ARE NOT COPY RIGHTED **

Sort:  

hahahaha :D best Guide on Steemit. Upvoted and Resteemed

Yeah things are getting rough where crime is going up near my area.
People are all up in arms and protecting themselves.

I think heavy metal should be added to this list though

Are you sure Milwaukee is not the worse? I mean they do have the Go.D.S.E.E.D. to deal with...

Bravo Bravo -- Nice post.