I Got You This! (What to get your friend who has cancer)

(My past life as an actress and filmmaker, 2012, courtesy of the Sunday Independent Newspaper)

If I had a euro for every scented candle I have received over the last three years, I ‘d be able to book a flight to the Caribbean. Usually, the well-wisher hands said candle to me with the words, “I didn’t know what else to get you.” Honestly, I now tell anyone coming to see me not to bring gifts, I just want to see you and have a laugh or two. I am now at the point where I want to tell visitors to bring their “I didn’t know what to get you” gift back home with themselves. I know you probably think I am being ungrateful, but I cannot stand scented candles or trinkets for that matter. I think it is better for these things to go to someone who likes them, instead of me.
In researching for this blog, I heard of many similar stories from other patients and if it’s not a scented candle it is that they get too many flowers, and they have nowhere to put them. For some it is the heartbreak of getting a jar of expensive cream or perfume which they will never be able to use as chemo has wreaked havoc with their skin’s sensitivity. So, all of this gave me the idea to write this blog.
Now, every patient is different. For example, I can wear my favourite perfume but there were times when I could not. The following suggestions are just that and because they are pure products, they should work for any patient.

Skincare: Skin sensitivity is a big one with chemo and radiation patients so let me start here. Do you ever wander into a pharmacy or drugstore and get a tad overwhelmed by the choice of skin care on offer. What does it all do?
There are two brands that are dermatologically tested in pharmacies, and I have tried them all and they worked great on my skin because they are also good for those of us on cancer treatment. These are LaRoche Posay and L’Avene. I would also recommend Vichy as I have tried it, and it is also recommended by dermatologists and other patients have recommended CeraVe. My local pharmacist, Nicola @glenpharmacy had a wonderful talk with influencer @DailyDivaDiary on what products to buy for cancer patients and here is the link to this talk: https://www.instagram.com/tv/Cny7ejLIQtD/
Based on this talk I use La Roche Posay cleanser, thermal spray, vitamin E oil and a moisturizer. I also can tolerate their hyalauronic acid serums but never buy Retintol serums or creams for a cancer patient- it is too aggressive for our skin.

(My own products I have just to prove I am actually use them!)

Hands and nails: Lansinoh cracked nipple cream! I know! But it is like magic. Even better if you include some pairs of cotton gloves to be worn after application at bedtime. Cuticle oil as we get awfully dry cuticles. Nail strengthener to help our weak nails- even for men but that might be a hard sell!
Feet: A foot spa with Epsom salts. ReLive 40% Urea Cream (or any Urea Cream brand) which is like a scrub when you first look at it but don’t shy away! Here is how you use it if you have red hot soles or sore cracked skin. Soak your feet for 20-30 minutes. Then apply the ReLive 40% Urea cream (scrub like consistency) and massage gently onto your wet/damp feet. It will melt into a powerful moisturizer. Then wrap your feet in a cotton towel or use 100% cotton socks (like the gloves mentioned above) to lock in that moisture. Repeat two to three times a day depending on how bad they are. Maintenance: Repeat daily. More about socks for sore feet- you can get cushioned socks (Dunnes Stores, or online) which are great for too. Yes, I wear them too.

Body care: As I mentioned in the “Skincare” section; LaRoche Posey, L’Avene, Vichy, or CeraVe. When you come out of the shower, apply coconut oil to wet/damp skin, allow it to soak and then apply your LaRoche Posay/L’Avene, etc body moisturiser. Again, I do this after Nicola from Glengarriff Pharmacy recommended it and it is brilliant for my dry moisturiser or a body oil spray like Elizabeth Arden’s 8- Hour Oil Spray or its dupe in Aldi the Miracle Oil Spray. The oils are handy as you do not even have to rub them in. I have been that ill that all I could manage was spraying it on.
Mouth: Salt Water, biocarbonate of soda mouthwashes help keep the mouth clean to prevent mouthsores. You can buy a jar of biocarbonate soda from any grocery shop, supermarket, or hypermarket. You will find it in the baking section.
Lip Balm for our lips helps keep them from cracking.

(My purple wool blanket, a gift from a loved one that keeps me warm)

The Cold: We feel the cold far more than you do so a warm woollen blacket is a welcome gift too. Warm thermal vests or long johns are welcome too. In particular, cotton clothing or pyjamas as chemo makes us sweat badly in synthetic clothing. So, consider buying 1 item that has at least a high cotton content or even 100% cotton rather than two or three synthetic items.

(My brother and his wife created this setting for my 51st birthday this year.❤️)

In asking around, I discovered and concur also that the best gift someone can give is their attention and time. A casual visit or trip out for a cuppa and a chat about the ups and downs of life or gossip helps us feel like we still belong in this world. All too often we get sidelined as if we had a contagious disease. In fact, in some ways people may see us as a walking disease rather than the person they knew before all this sickness lark happened. So many have expressed gratitude for the offers and executions of help with housework, childcare, cooking meals, laundry, or filling the dishwasher. Similarly, help with some financials like vouchers for personal training, or a hairstyle, or for some activity that the patient- we- likes doing such as acupuncture, reflexology, wood work etc. Having said that though, it seems the best gifts are the free ones. Funny that, isn’t it? As the saying goes love conquers all and love is free.