My thoughts often wander while I do relatively "mindless" tasks around the house... washing dishes, emptying the dishwasher, standing over cookpots that need constant stirring...

Mrs. Denmarkguy was sharing about a friend whose teenage daughter's rageful outbursts had once again caused a major ruckus at their house... and my mind drifted away to my own teenage years.

So Young, So Angry...

I expect I was as "angsty" as pretty much any teenager, but somehow I seemed to have escaped experiencing the rage so many teens seem to wrestle with... whether it's just outbursts, or shooting up a school. Heck, I didn't even listen to "headbanger heavy metal music..."

Is it just that hormones do different things to different people? Or are we dealing with different types of inborn personalities?

I definitely went through my periods of depression as a teenager, and was suicidal a few times... but the thought of translating that into violence never occurred to me.

I have heard it said — by some therapists and psychologists — that "depression is anger turned inwards." It's not a statement I feel in alignment with, even though I "tried to make it fit" on a number of occasions.

As a teenager, I was definitely sad an awful lot of the time, but I just don't remember being angry, except at myself... for hitting a really bad golf shot! That sense of sadness was profound, however... ranging from the expected sadness at my own life, to sadness at how the world seemed so angry and destructive.

I think the closest I got to being angry about something was related to my mother's drinking... I couldn't fathom why she did it, nor why she went to such great lengths to pretend that she didn't have some form of alcohol going, at pretty much all hours.

Of course, she and my stepdad were part of a group of people (this all happened in what would mostly be considered a retirement area) who had cocktail parties all the time, and for whom the idea of "a few drinks before dinner, and then wine with dinner" was pretty much standard operating procedure. As a result of this, there was essentially a sort of "circle jerk of enabling and denial" in action, when it came to excess drinking.

I think my own anger at the situation primarily stemmed from the embarrassment of my mother's slurred speech and outspoken behavior in front of the few friends I had, at the time.

"Mom! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!"

I guess most of us have lived through that... but it also meant that she wasn't someone to confide in or talk to, about anything, because she would actively deny the reality of any aspects of reality that didn't fit inside her neat little box.

Gratitude and Sublime Sundays...

After taking that short "time travel walk" through my youth, I found myself suddenly being very grateful that my temperament is not one (evidently) that contributes to the rage and strife of our turbulent world.

On the whole, it has been a very peaceful Sunday... mostly centered on a bit of writing and watching my weekly eBay auctions come to a close; not making any great income, but it all helps... even if in small amounts.

Outside my home office window, we are having a clear and sunny day — it is cold, but it is one of those very clear winter days. And I have gratitude for that, as well.

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great week ahead!

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Created at 2023-01-29 16:34 PST
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