I haven't felt this alive in years, life is going well for me right now. But I also feel like I'm dragging around a dead body with me. I can't let it go. I want to revive it, but I don't know if I can. Is it, to quote Princess Bride, "only mostly dead" or is it completely dead?

I won't know until I reach out. I don't know her perspective. I don't know what the stable her thinks of me, all I know is what the manic her said about me. Were those lies? Were those true buried feelings brought to the surface? Would she give me a chance to support her now that we both know the real diagnosis? Is she stable? Is she honest about her health? Is she ashamed and believing she is unlovable?

I am at peace, but the questions still haunt me.