To Bend or Not To Bend...

I remember when my parents would advise me when I was little about not succumbing to peer pressure. They’d say things like, “Remember not to follow friends. Say no to peer pressure and don’t let anything your peers say or do get to you.” But of course, I realized later that peer pressure could come in different ways and many of them were not even negative at all.

Throwing it out there, I remember a joke that was circulating about two years ago concerning parents advising their kid not to have bad friends not knowing that their kid is actually the bad friend that should be avoided. Indeed, parents sometimes choose to be oblivious to the flaws of their kids and what a menace they probably are to existence. But that’s on a semi-lighter note anyway.

Back to the topic, I’ll just say that over the years I’ve had tons of friends. Friends that at certain points, my life more or less resolved around. Although I am not on speaking terms with at good number of them, there’s hardly been a friend or a friend group I was in that I didn’t get to learn from.

From the little things like when I was in Nursery Two and pressured my Dad to get me a school bag with wheels because all my friends had it to the very big things which I managed to escape from. Peer pressure is more potent than the credit it is given. I’ve seen first-hand how peer pressure makes people end their lives. And it has never failed to strike me the things we do because we innately want to be accepted and loved by people.

I listened to a minister recently who was addressing youths on why they allow themselves to get pressured when people are put on different pedestals from birth. He likened it to a race where there are two people at different points. One running at 60km/h and the other running at 200km/h. The former gets to the finish line or what is termed as success first and then the latter begins to compare himself.

Gets all self-deprecating because the other arrived first, but fails to realize that it’s because the one at 60km/h was way ahead most likely because of birth status. Talked about comparing yourself to someone born with a silver spoon who is way ahead without having to break a sweat but belittling the fact that you got to the finish line by your sweat alone but still you feel less of yourself. It was a rather deep message that I can’t even begin to cover but I hope you get the point that was being made.

All of that covers material things but what about that which is even more daunting than physical. Peer pressure in our society mostly involves doing things that you wouldn’t do in a normal circumstance because you’re trying to please your friends. But what about train of thought? What about attitude? What about mannerisms? I’ll draw two perspectives for you.

I remember a phase I was in when I felt that being born intelligent was enough. I didn’t want to read academic books any more since my bright brain would make me pass anyway. I didn’t realize how much of an average student I’d become till I got to a new school and wanted to continue with that attitude.

Then I met these girls. They looked like me. In the sense that they weren’t nerdy. They talked the regular things and were outgoing. But boy could they read! I was astounded because they didn’t even seem like the book type. But they studied a lot and kind of looked down on me because I wasn’t the studying type. I sought their validation so much that I began to study hard. They completely changed the way I reasoned and I don’t need to tell you that I got better. Way better. The kind of peer pressure that is lovely but rare if we’re being honest.

_{Wrote this down a while back in my e-diary.}

Then I had these girls I hung out with later on. Way later on. And I loved them so much because they made me laugh and if it’s one thing peculiar about any friend group I had, it’s the presence of laughter. Laughter constitutes almost seventy percent of my relationships with anyone and I treasure anyone that can simply elicit laughter from me.

But I had this problem with them. It was malicious gossiping. I remember feeling weirded out by the fact that they would see someone coming and practically wash the person down with their words but when the person came closer, they’d gush over him or her. Throwing compliment after compliment and making the person smile so hard and as soon as the person passed, they went right back to washing them down. They did this to literally everyone.

I felt in the depths of my being that this was wrong but I didn’t have the heart to say how uncomfortable I was with it. And so I’d keep quiet and go along to even laugh at the things they said. Slowly, my senses dulled to the wrongness of the action. I didn’t know when I started thinking maliciously about every person that passed by me. It felt so normal to me. But I was called to order when I got home during a break and talked like that when my Mom, my sister and I were going on a walk.

I remember the weird looks they gave me and my Mom point blank said, “This is not you, Tess. Snap out of that gutter behaviour. Immediately.” I remember feeling the scales fall from my eye. Did it take a while to school myself from the thoughts, yes it did. But the looks my family gave me were plastered so firmly in my mind’s eye, it was easy to use it as a motivation to stop.

Peer pressure could be negative or positive. But I think it’s a necessary phenomenon. Nothing builds the strength of one’s mind and character like it. Cause daily you school yourself to beat the odds. You consciously, because of the people and things around you, choose whether or not to conform. It’s a daily challenge but that’s why discipline and a sense of self-worth are important. You learn to be better by being true to your principles and not be swayed by all the muck around you. Except it's the good kind, of course.

Frankly, peer pressure is an inexhaustible topic. But yeah, I just had to stop here. Shoot out to the Inleo Prompts for reflective topics like this.

Jhymi🖤

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_{All images are mine.}

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