Where I’m from, there’s a saying:
“Actor no Dey die for film”
It can be translated as “The main character never dies in a movie no matter the circumstances”.
I’ve hung on to that for the longest time but for a couple weeks, I battled depression on different levels and yes I know depression is a rather strong word to use but it is what it is.
It began with anxiety, withdrawal from everyone, mental breakdown, over thinking. I felt this deep sense of loneliness even around people the people I loved. I was miserable but wasn’t very sure why I felt that way.
I was certain that I needed a therapist, someone to share all this with, a healer… but in this part of the world I am, it is near impossible, wishful thinking!
We cry, wash our faces then plaster a smile across our faces and continue grinding because we’re strong, we don’t give up here, lol. But in truth, I was so tired, mentally exhausted, emotionally drained. I needed a break from life but it wasn’t having any of it.
I tried listening to motivational, meditating and all of that, I went online and read jokes, tried to laugh, I played music and danced, everything to stay happy but deep down I knew I was falling apart. I tried finding an essence to life but couldn’t. I’ll admit my faith has been dwindling over the years but I did all I could to hold on to God.
I listened to a song recently and it said:
🎶
When you run, make sure you buckle your shoe
Make sure that you don't fall cause
They waiting on you, they waiting on you to fall
They are waiting for you, they waiting on you to die
Just don't give up, don't give up
Just stay strong, stay strong 🎶
It makes it so hard opening up to anyone because you’re seen as weakling and an unnecessary cry baby.
I remember opening up to someone close to me about it and he told me he went through worse as a kid way younger than me but is doing just fine. Really? Like that piece of information was going to make it any easier! Well maybe I’m not as strong, maybe I’m a weakling and can’t face it and I’m not going to turn out fine like he did.
It got me thinking, Are we all scarred and just living through it? Is that what I have to do? How do I stay strong? Why am I the only one falling apart? Why am I weak?
Did I start this race called life and somehow forgot to buckle my shoes? Where did I precisely get it wrong?
