Commitment to Change

This is a late entry to the Dreemport Challenge as outlined by @dreemsteem here.

If you've read Dreemie's post, you know that the idea for this challenge is that you've had a horrific nightmare, woken up, and now realise that you finally have the time to make changes to your life.

If you haven't read Dreemie's post then I recommend you do so.

The thing is, I haven't had a nightmare, but I do understand that I'm ready to make changes. I don't need to wake up from a nightmare to understand this. The reality of life is bad enough.

Changes, however, aren't always easy.

First, you have to make some shifts in the way you currently live your life. For me, those shifts require a level of commitment that I haven't employed for a long while.

I'm what you might call a drifter. Someone, who, in the words of one Pretty Woman, lives life by the seat of my pants. And that's been okay. I've stumbled into some great places with this attitude.

When I was younger, it was fun. I liked the idea of life being a bit of a magical mystery tour. I could set out not knowing the direction I was going in and kinda let it unfold.

The issue with that now is that I've ended up in a destination I'm not altogether happy with. And worse still, I kinda feel stuck here.

I could bore you with the grisly details of my life, but suffice it to say I now wish I'd had a bit more direction in my life.

That's not to say I haven't had some fun along the way. It's not even that I view my life as a disaster. It's just that, where I am now is not where I want to remain.

But making changes...

Where do I start?

The first point is to note down where I am now, what I'm doing that I don't like and how it's keeping me stuck.

Once I'm clear on that, it's time to look, using my keen imagination, at the direction I want to head in and the destination I ultimately want to land in.

Thankfully, I've done some work on this bit, and, so can share with you, that I'm already taking tentative steps on the pathway to being a paid copywriter.

The idea of spending every day writing while making an income from this skill is tantalising and exciting to me. It's also scary as hell!

You might be wondering why. Why am I scared of moving forwards in the direction of my dreams?

And you know what, I'm not even sure.

It could be the fear of failing. It could even be the fear of succeeding.

All I do know is that when I think of moving forward towards my dreams, I feel a powerful urge to run in the other direction. Or, to be more accurate, to binge-watch a Netflix series or play Elder Scrolls Online for hours on end.

Maybe, you can relate. Maybe not. But this here post is about me opening up and being honest. So, forgive me if I don't give two figs whether you understand or not. This is about me - and my demons.

I'm at the point of laying it out as it really is. I'm writing my truth. And that's not going to be the same for everyone else. And that's okay.

It's taken me a long time to get to this point because I've definitely been what you might call a people pleaser. I've tended to put other people's needs and wants ahead of my own.

That's not a gripe. Just a statement that I chose to believe to be true. And that leads me to the next phase of making a sustainable change.

Decluttering

After getting clear about where you are, and also, where you want to go, it's time to take some action. For me, it's looking at those pesky beliefs, like the one above.

Inside that belief of being a people pleaser, I've found how quickly I allow myself to go into victim mode. How quick I am to make excuses and, even worse, blame other people for my lack of direction and commitment to moving towards my dreams.

The thing is, I know that this belief isn't true. Lots of my beliefs aren't. Belief is a funny word, it makes you think of truth, but ultimately, someone else can hold a contrary belief that they hold to be true. So who's right?

Does it even matter? The truth, as I see it, is that none of us really know what the future holds. We can stay stuck or move in a direction that brings up fear but also has the potential to open us up to our dreams.

I think Steven Pressfield describes this process particularly well in his book, The War of Art.

In his book, he labels the feeling I've described as fear instead as resistance. But, however, you choose to label the emotion, it's a powerful and uncomfortable feeling that comes about as soon as you decide you want to make changes to your life.

The bigger the change. The bigger the feeling.

It's important to know that. Making changes isn't necessarily easy. It's not going to feel comfortable a lot of the time. Especially at the start.

Things like imposter syndrome will raise their ugly heads if you allow them. Even if you don't, they're likely to get by the bouncers you have put on the doors to safeguard your dreams. They'll be the ones carrying fake ids. And they'll show up just in time to wreck your party!

The thing is, and I've heard many people say this, you have to get really clear on where you want to get to.

I've spent a long time missing this step. I've also allowed things like doubt to creep up on me and scare me into not taking the next step. I've made excuses. I've blamed. I've done a whole host of things and worn every kind of label imaginable.

You name it. I've worn the Gucci Guilt attire. Hung the Berluti Blame bag on my shoulder. Got Angered by not having Armani's latest ensemble. And have a whole wardrobe full of Fear - a brand all of its own.

But today, I'm owning up to that. I'm acknowledging that the only person who's ever really stood in my way of achieving anything I've wanted is me.

I made the choice to go with the flow and live life as a magical mystery tour. Now, I'm choosing a different approach. Now, I'm going to see life as a story. And, in this story, I get to be the hero.

This is no

"nice little story about how we all get a happily ever after"
_{Words from @dreemsteem's post}

but it is a story.

It is MY story and MY commitment to change.

Photo by Arnel Hasanovic on Unsplash