The Beauty of Letting Go: 3 Years Into a Journey of Faith and Following the Flow of Life

_{Where it all began - this journey of mine, that is - in the mountains of southwest Montana.}

It's been three full years now since I took that very first terrifying and liberating leap of faith into the unknown, leaving 'ordinary life' and the vast majority of my material belongings behind, along with a lawn care/landscaping business I had started from the ground up a decade previously, to embark on the journey of my life, with a very big dream, no plan on how exactly to achieve that dream, and the faith that life would somehow lead me to wherever it is I needed to be in order to eventually make this dream a physical reality here on earth. If I wasn't convinced that my dream was also my life's purpose, and that I would therefore be guided into the manifestation of that dream by surrendering to the flow of life, I would have never been able to summon up the courage to take that very first leap of faith. But once I finally did - and began this new experiment by making the radical transition from 'normal' life in a house on the grid with plumbing and a job to the far simpler camping lifestyle, where all of my belongings now fit into my Subaru, my home was wherever I pitched my tent, nature provided the fuel (firewood) for heat and cooking, the sun provided the little electrical energy I consumed via solar, and my dog was often my only companion - I suddenly felt so free!

And now, I just realized, October 1st of this year marked the 3-year anniversary of the start of this most incredible journey, which has served in part as a monumental life lesson in the art of letting go and proactively following the flow of life wherever it leads, and in part as an expression of my chasing a dream that from a logical perspective appeared to be far too grand for the likes of me to ever achieve - at least not without the help of other seen or unseen forces. After all, here I was with the crazy dream of someday starting and building a small, independent, sustainable community from the ground up, without the financial resources to purchase even the cheapest, most desolate pieces of raw land, let alone turn that land into a thriving community and oasis of like-minded freedom-lovers free from so many of the ills that plague modern western society and serve to keep the average human as absolutely dis-empowered as possible. It seemed like an impossible dream, at least without the help of a far greater Power and Intelligence that I was trusting could make possible that which looked to the human eye to be so impossible; and so I chose to let go of all of my limiting beliefs as best I could, decided to follow my heart and intuitive guidance over logic and reason, and did the only thing that felt right, despite it also feeling slightly insane. And now, as I look back at the start of this journey three full years ago, I can't help but feel a sense of awe at how the journey has continued to unfold in ways I could have never imagined, teaching me a myriad of important life lessons I may have otherwise never had the opportunity to learn, and seemingly always leading me right to where I need to be next, in order to gain exactly the knowledge and experience needed to eventually make my dream a reality - and almost never in a way I could have expected or anticipated.

The choice I made which directly led to that day three years ago when I officially declared my independence from a system I was so desperate to escape, was likely the craziest, and certainly the most important choice I have ever made; and the magical journey that ensued has and no doubt will continue to take me to places I couldn't have imagined, in seemingly miraculous ways that repeatedly reinforce within my mind and heart the conviction that nothing is truly impossible but only appears to be so without God in the picture, and that all things do indeed work together for good for those who stop resisting the flow of life and instead surrender to it. As I and countless others have witnessed, upon doing so the magic of life begins to be seen and experienced and appreciated, what we refer to as miracles become daily occurrences, and the impossible suddenly becomes very possible, and then a manifested reality, though rarely in the ways we could have imagined. And that's the beauty and excitement of it, seeing your life path unfold before you in the most unimaginable ways, experiencing the power of surrendering to a life plan greater than our own, and then witnessing the thread of our individual life as it is seamlessly woven into the greater tapestry of Life itself - leading, of course, to a far more beautiful picture than the best one we could have possibly painted by following our own personal plan for our life.

In his NYT bestseller, 'The Surrender Experiment', author Michael Singer details his own magical train of life experiences that occurred when he began to radically surrender to the flow of life, in his own way; and as those familiar with Singer's story well know, the way in which life brought unimaginable opportunities Singer's way was neither what we would call conventional nor even imaginable to the logical mind. From a broke hippie living out of his car in the quiet Florida woods with the singular goal of becoming a master in meditation, to creating a large spiritual community and then starting a multi-million dollar business, Singer's inspiring story reveals that the way in which the flow of life leads us to our highest purpose, good and an ultimately fulfilling life of true happiness is rarely aligned with our personal plan or expectations of how we think life should lead us to where we want to be - often taking us in seemingly indirect, roundabout ways that, upon looking back, were in fact extreme shortcuts to our ultimate destination that we never imagined even existed, and often leading to a destination for greater than the best one we imagined we were striving towards.

Personally, this journey of mine was largely inspired by the stories of @samstonehill on Hive, and John St. Julien on YouTube (see - 11:11 - A True Story of 1 Man's Incredible Journey of Awakening From Darkness to Light: The Miraculous Power of Synchronicity, Faith & Letting Go), both of whom ultimately landed in the most amazing of situations, in the most unimaginable of ways, following a choice to surrender to the flow of life and the inner guidance of a Power/Intelligence far greater than themselves. Stories like these are incredibly inspiring, not only because they reveal the immense power of letting go, but also because they show us that the difference between an ordinary and an extraordinary life is most often one simple choice - the choice to let go of all of our mind's little plans for our life, stop trying to control how life takes us to where we strive to be, and instead surrender to the flow of life and the divine Power/Intelligence orchestrating that flow, while never letting go of our heart's deepest desires. In doing so, I've learned, we both open ourselves up to unimaginably amazing opportunities we would have otherwise missed out on, and also set ourselves on the most direct path to the fulfillment of our most deeply held dreams and desires.

Before getting into the story of my journey illustrating this, I'd like to briefly share a summary of what I've learned in this regard, through direct experience on this journey of mine, that I see as keys to successfully navigate a life lived in surrender to the flow of life:

1. We always only attract to ourselves people and situations which are in alignment with our present state of being, so in order for our life circumstances to change for the better, we must first change ourselves, and learn the lessons those circumstances are there to teach us so we can move beyond them.

2. Life is always working on our behalf to manifest our deepest desires, but;

3. It rarely does so in 'conventional' ways we would have thought, but rather almost always in ways we couldn't have imagined, often leading us in a direction seemingly directly away from the fulfillment of our dream/desire, but which we eventually discover was indeed the most direct path to where we wanted to get, and we just couldn't see it at the time because none of us are able to clearly see the bigger picture from our very limited personal point of view.

Therefore:

1. Resisting the flow of life and life circumstances we view as adverse, troublesome, unpleasant, or otherwise undesirable is entirely futile, both because these difficult life circumstances serve as catalysts for growth, change and opportunities to overcome personal weaknesses preventing the ultimate fulfillment of our most deeply held dreams/desires, and also because it is true that "what we resist, persists," and therefore by resisting a particular life situation rather that accepting it and learning the life lesson it is offering to teach us, we ensure that the unpleasant situation will either continue persisting indefinitely until we learn the lesson it is attempting to teach us, or, if we don't, we will simply continue running into various similarly unwanted situations until the day we accept such a situation as necessary and serving a greater purpose, and thus stop fighting it.

2. Acceptance in this regard does not mean letting go of our most deeply held dreams and desires, because if these dreams and desires truly originate from the deepest part of ourselves, from our heart, then they are almost certainly the same dreams and desires that God has for our life, representative of the highest purpose we can achieve while here on earth, and the Universe and Life itself will never cease from its attempts to lead someone to the fulfillment of their highest purpose, nor from their dreams and desires, but rather to a place where these two merge into one. Acceptance and 'letting go' doesn't mean letting go of our dreams and desires, but rather holding onto them as tightly as ever without attempting to control how life manifests them, or in other words by letting go of the 'how' while holding tight to the 'what', accepting that every situation life throws our way is a stepping stone which serves to help get us from 'here' to 'there' in the quickest, most direct way possible.

3. As important as acceptance and surrender is on the spiritual path, it is equally important to always follow ones' heart and learn to listen very closely to their intuition, as intuition serves as one of Life's key internal guidance systems; while the heart, unlike the mind, always tells the truth, and this truth is expressed in our feelings. While we should strive to never be overcome or controlled by our emotions, neither should we discount or suppress our feelings, but rather listen closely and contemplate on what those feelings are attempting to tell us about what we are experiencing. If we feel deeply discontent in a particular situation, and that feeling doesn't go away but rather intensifies over time, that is almost certainly a sign that it is no longer in our best interest to remain in said situation, whether it be a job we have come to hate, an unhappy marriage, or a particular lifestyle choice we are no longer quite at peace with.

4. If we are not willing to face and ultimately overcome our fears, all else is futile, and true freedom will never be achieved, for no one is truly free until they are free from the power of fear over their life. Living in fear is incompatible with living by faith, and fear of the unknown alone will prevent even the most earnest seeker from truly surrendering to the flow of life, because doing so requires the willingness to "walk by faith, not by sight," straight into the unknown, knowing only the immense power of love and trusting in that Power to guide us better than our ego-mind ever could.

In order to overcome the fears that are holding us back from our greatest potential, all we must do is muster up the courage to take that first step in spite of our fears; we do not need to be free from fear to face it, for it is only by first facing a fear that we can ever free ourselves from it. And it can be incredibly scary taking that first step, terrifying in fact, but also liberating. I know, because I was right there just three years ago, facing those fears that had been holding me back for so long, and in doing so kicked off an incredible new journey, the journey of my life, from which I will share just a few amazing stories to illustrate the often crazy, always beautiful ways in which life works for those who work with rather than against this most powerful force - a journey that continues to teach and to remind me that, despite all its imperfections, life is perfect, and it is a far more enjoyable ride surfing the waves of life rather than fighting against them, and it is also the quickest, most beautiful and often the only way to reach our desired destination, whether that be a place, a condition, or most likely a combination of the two.

Stories and highlights from my journey - 3 years in review

Although it was three full years ago, I can still recall the thrill, the feeling of excitement like it was yesterday, as I lit up the very first fire in my new wood stove now installed inside my new canvas tent that I had just set up at its very first campsite just outside of Bozeman, Montana.

I had finally faced the biggest fear that had been holding me back from leaving my rather comfortable 'normal life' in Bozeman - the fear of becoming truly homeless (not by choice, as I had just done by making the intentional choice to transition to the camping lifestyle) - and though this fear would linger deep down in the darkest parts of myself for many months, it was no where to be found in this moment of joy, where all I felt was free, happy and excited to see where the journey would lead. If I could have only imagined any one of the truly amazing outcomes of the life-changing decision I had just made, I surely would have saved myself many worries between then and now, but as it was, I could only trust that my leap of faith would eventually pay off and land me wherever I was meant to be, ideally building the community of my dreams rather than on the streets to live out the rest of my life as a penniless bum.

After all, that is precisely the reason I had made the decision to sell my business and personal possessions, leave the security of an amazing cheap rental behind, and embark on this journey of living the traveling/camping lifestyle - hoping and trusting that where my own plans had failed, taking this leap of faith would eventually lead me to an opportunity to help build a small, sustainable, independent community of freedom-minded folks living in harmony with nature and one another. This dream, as I had become convinced of over the past two years, was also my life purpose, or at least the purpose of my life in the near future; so if even the slightest belief had remained that staying in my then-current situation would lead me to such an opportunity, I would have certainly never left.

The decision was, from one point of view, absolutely a choice of desperation, but from another angle it was also very much an intuitive response to life's gentle nudging me in a new direction, by way of a deepening discontent with my then-present situation. I had been increasingly desperate to 'escape' my present situation for a few years now, but I was extremely hesitant to move forward in a new direction, especially because I had no idea what direction that should be, and also because of a deep-rooted fear that if I headed away from there in any direction, all roads I could possibly take would inevitably lead me to the same eventual destination - me, a homeless bum, on the streets. I'm not sure why I held this fear, only that it was one of several factors that delayed my eventual escape from that situation, although by the time I finally left, I no longer saw it as something I was escaping from so much as if I had been a prisoner, but more as a blessing that it was simply time to move on from.

All I know is this: that had I not felt such a strong desperation to 'escape' what I then viewed as a life situation that had imprisoned me, I have no doubt that I would have never made the choice to leave, at least not until I was forced to by some external means. And as I've come to see ever more clearly from that time until now, we can know with certainty that we are exactly where we are supposed to be when we are so caught up in the flow of things that there are no doubts about it; but the longer one feels a lack of contentment or fulfillment, or a desperation to 'escape' the situation, this is a very strong indication that the situation is no longer serving one's highest good any longer. This was the point I had reached one May night when I felt that I simply couldn't take the suffering any longer, and ended up staying up into the whee hours of the morning writing, as writing has long been a primary means of working through my thoughts and feelings and finding clarity in moments of confusion. By the time I finally laid my head down to rest that night, I had come to the conclusion that it was very much time for me to find a way out of my situation that no longer seemed to be serving my highest good or potential. Still without a solution in sight, I went to sleep at peace, knowing that if there was the will, there must also be a way. I just didn't see what that way was yet. Nor would have to wait long for clarity; the willingness to take actual steps in a new direction was enough.

The next day found me heading to work to power rake a lawn, and I clearly remember just how sick and tired of this particular work I felt, further solidifying my recent revelations that this life was no longer for me. And then in an instant, as I was guiding the power rake down another row in the lawn, I can recall as if it were yesterday how an answer to my dilemma came to me, seemingly out of nowhere, as a stream of thoughts forming a very clear solution to my 'problem' came cascading into my mind, and in that moment I knew that this was the way out I had been looking for, for so long. It was so simple, too, and obvious, that I can't help but believe it had only been my unwillingness to think outside the box paired with a fear of the unknown, that had kept it from me for so long. I still had all the lawn care and landscaping equipment for my business that I could sell, and then use the money to create a relatively comfortable off-grid camping setup, and I was still making some money so if I was lucky I'd have plenty of cash left over to finance at least the first few months of such a lifestyle, and I had five good months of summer left to put this plan into motion, which seemed entirely reasonable. My 'prison' had instantly turned into a tremendous opportunity in that moment, and although the five months from this decision of mine til' the day I drove into the mountains with my new home and all material belongings in my car was hectic and at times a bit stressful, I felt a deep inner peace about it all, that never went away.

Those five months flew by, and before I knew it, my little plan which I won't take credit for became a reality. I was finally free, or so I felt, though I had much more to free myself from, but I had finally taken the first step, the most important step in any journey, and that was plenty enough. It would be a full year until the journey truly began to take on a whole life of its own, revealing just how quickly life can change in a moment, and the beauty of the intricate way in which life guides us when we but go with the flow. In the meantime, I was totally content adjusting to the simplicity of the camping lifestyle, the peace and quiet of nature in all her beauty, and free time to enjoy simply being. The next nine months would take me first from Montana south to Utah, then New Mexico and southern Arizona before heading back north through New Mexico, Colorado, northern Utah and finally right back to southwestern Montana where my journey had begun. Some of the many lessons I learned, places I visited, and memorable experiences I had in those first nine months can be found in a post I wrote at that time, as I sat under a circle of the massive fir trees lining the gorgeous Moose Creek drainage where I was then camping, entitled - A Few Things 9 Months of the Camping Lifestyle (Off Grid) Has Taught Me About Life:

The most interesting thing about this post in particular, is that I had been putting off its compilation for several weeks, ignoring the nagging feeling within insisting that I write about my journey living the camping lifestyle, until several days of doubt about my life's direction had me finally giving into that inner voice. I felt better immediately upon posting it, but wouldn't be aware of the implications of doing so until much later. One reader left a kind message introducing me to WWOOF, an organization connecting traveling volunteers with organic farms, homesteads and communities looking for work/trade situations, where volunteers work half days in exchange for room and board. @artemislives thought it might be right up my ally, but surely, like me, had no idea just how much one simple message could change the trajectory of my journey, and right at a time when I was feeling unsure and seeking clarity about what to do next no less! It would be three more months until I began to see my journey take a major change in direction as I began to use the WWOOFING network, but the moment I read that thoughtful comment on my post, I was already sure it was an answer to my prayers, and felt at ease again as I came to the realization that this was likely to serve as the way forward from here.

I was beginning to really see the power of synchronicity, and how my needs were always being met at just the right moments, and in ways I could no longer chalk up to mere luck. Just weeks earlier I was preparing to leave my previous campsite in northern Utah, even then unsure of what to do or where to go next, in large part due to the fact I was finally running out of the savings I had started out with, that had until then been sustaining all my needs - namely gas, food, and my phone and car insurance bills. As I began to worry a bit about my financial situation, an unplanned phone conversation with an old friend ended with my realization that I was eligible, despite not having recently filed federal tax forms, to collect my 'Trump bucks' from the massive Covid stimulus package. I applied for the aid as a non-filer, opting to have the money direct deposited into my bank rather than receiving a check, as my location was constantly changing in this lifestyle. I was grateful knowing that I would ultimately be just fine for the foreseeable future, with $1,200 on the way, but having no idea how long it would be until those funds were in my hands, I couldn't count on this 'lifeline' reaching me in time to help me in the situation I was currently in, and thoughts of this coming chunk of change were pushed to the back of my mind.

Then, finally growing sick and tired of the crowds and near-constant noise from 4-wheeler traffic in this highly popular area, and with what looked to be just enough cash to cover the drive north to more familiar territory in Montana, I packed up my camp, in the middle of a late spring snowstorm no less, and began the drive north, hoping I really did have enough gas money to make it. I did, but literally not a dollar more, thanks to an Idaho gas station charging my card for gas that never pumped due to a malfunction; no worries, I was informed, it would be back on my card in a few days. But that was all the money on my card, so I had every reason to worry, but thankfully I had just enough physical cash left to fill my tank, which was just enough gas to make it up to my destination in the mountains near Big Sky, Montana. By dark that evening, I had made it, I realized, with enough gas left in my tank for a little bit of driving, less than $3 to my name, and a dry tent to sleep in, as I took a deep sigh of relief. I had officially run totally out of money for the first time since I embarked on this journey, and I was so far still okay. Synchronistically, and much to my surprise, the stimulus money I had applied for landed in my bank account just in time, sooner than I was anticipating, already there just two days later when I first drove back into town after my arrival to the area; it had been deposited into my account the very next day after I first ran completely out of money!

Since then I have ran out or been poised to run out of money on numerous occasions, but then more would always find its way to me just in time, like clockwork, the Universe seemingly always providing just enough, just in time, but never more than I needed, and rarely more than a few days before I truly needed it. I was beginning to learn how life works when one surrenders to it, and to be honest it was kinda fun! That $1,200 lasted me the entire summer camping in Montana, until the end of September found me once again at a major crossroads. One year into my journey and I was camping in the very same mountains I had started this journey one year ago in, and once again winter was right around the corner. This time, however, I was low on funds, and it was time to think about migrating south or begin using the WWOOF network to look for potential work/trade situations. It was terribly smoky, I recall, and I decided to make the long day's drive to central Utah where I had previously found an incredibly amazing, remote campsite with abundant peace and quiet rarely disturbed by fellow humans or their machines. I sold the only gun I had held onto when I began the journey, my handgun, to finance the drive and my stay there, with no plan at all for my future beyond the next month camping in familiar terrain in Utah.

It was here, in October, during the first of my weekly drives into the small town of Richfield about an hour from my campsite, that I finally actually signed up for a WWOOF account, dropping the nominal membership fee and spending a couple of hours at a table under the trees in the local park setting up my new profile. In the days that followed, I narrowed my search for possible hosts down to a few that looked to have good potential, and then sent messages to the two that stood out to me the most - one couple in central California setting up a homestead in the foothills of the Sierra Nevadas and one couple in Washington State describing themselves as in the process of forming a spiritual community. The latter responded back, and after a few emails and a phone call, I committed to making the long 3-day drive as it felt like the right next step, possibly even taking me to a community with the potential of a longer term stay.

I was excited. The drive was long, but fun, taking me through parts of the country I had never seen before. The couple was incredibly kind, the food was amazing, and I enjoyed the work they gave me, mostly a week spent roofing a small cabin that was being built for the first new community members to join in this endeavor. The couple planning to move into the cabin even paid me $100 for my help, which was truly a blessing as I was again running low on funds and would soon be needing the cash to finance my next big drive. I only lasted one week at this beautiful small farm, largely due to increasingly heavy pressure to convert to their particular form of religion - Hari Krishnas - but seeing how one old couple was able to provide through gardening, food preservation and the tending of their dairy cows a vast majority of their own food was impressive, and showed me first hand that it is indeed possible to become largely agriculturally self sustainable on a small scale. That was so inspiring, but the spirituality practiced there and the pressure to conform to it was too much for me, so I made a rapid departure as soon as I came to this realization. I had nowhere to go, but an old friend from Montana who now lived in the Sacramento area had previously mentioned I was welcome to visit, so I called him up, and upon getting the ok to head down, left the very next day.

And this is where I spent the next month, seeing California for the first time, until my friend's grandma who partially owns the property, decided it was time for me to leave. So I prepared to leave. As fate would have it, the WWOOF host in central California I had messaged two months ago finally got back to me, and invited me to come for a stay, this as I was packing my bags and preparing to head anywhere else but where I had been. The next morning I left, now knowing where I was heading next, but not yet having received directions. I spent that night in my car in a parking lot in the nearby city of Woodland, where I got directions to my next destination, making the drive the following day. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. Here I was thinking I was going to be helping set up a small homestead in the country when in reality I was on my way to an amazing hippie commune where I would experience community living for the first time. As it turns out, it was an experience that would permanently change the way I viewed the world and community living.

My month here was definitely a high point on my journey, and was truly magical. From the moment I arrived, I knew this is what I had been looking for. My week long stay quickly turned into a month, and it was definitely one of the best months of my life in so many different ways. Several major shifts took place within myself during this time, including the way I looked at community as the solution; formerly something I understood intellectually but had now personally experienced and knew was true with all of my being. Community was the answer, it can work wonderfully, and there are plenty of ways we can all become more sustainable and independent by simply putting our minds to it and working together. This just wasn't the right community for me to settle into long-term, but it was a living example of a thriving community, and how rescued food (otherwise wasted) can largely supply the food needs of an entire little commune!

It was sad to leave, but it was eventually time to move on, and after delaying my departure by a day, and then another, I had to finally stop putting it off and say my final goodbyes to the many good friends I had made in my time there; maybe some of us will again cross paths someday. With plenty of money (relatively speaking) now in my bank once again, thanks to a second round of stimulus checks, I decided to head south again to more familiar terrain in southern Arizona, where I figured I'd camp for a while, enjoying the solitude after a month of social community life, and from there figure out where to head next. It took more than a few days to fully readjust to the solitude and comparatively slow and quiet life of camping, and to process all that I had taken in over the past month, but the desert views were as magical as ever.

It was now early February and 15 months into this journey, and although I had not yet found the right community to join for the long-term or miraculously had an ideal plot of land dropped into my lap so I could start building one from the ground up, I felt closer than ever to realizing my dream, with a newfound faith in the way life could quickly take me there and an unprecedented drive to make that dream a reality, thanks to the experience of the previous month igniting a spark within me I hadn't realized was there. But for now it was time to rest, relax, readjust to camping, and make good use of all the newfound free time on my hands. And so I did, focused heavily on content creation and back-country bike rides with Dakota, the next two and a half months at a total of 5 different locations in southern Arizona flew by, and the next thing I knew it was Spring time, and time to decide where to go next. The decision soon became easy, as my parents and sister back east were hopeful I would visit, I had plenty of money to fund the long drive and no where better to go, and was able to find two WWOOF hosts in Arkansas to stay with, one on my way east to my family and the other on the way back. That I would be able to stay and help on two rural homesteads in the Ozarks as a part of this trip helped seal the deal, and then the choice was finalized. My focus on writing full time for two months also paid off, and the crypto earnings from my blog posts during this time were actually more than enough to purchase a new canvass tent which by now I was desperately in need of - and not only that, but I would also be able to ship it to my parents house, and, to my surprise, also be able to drop the old one off at my sister's house on the way there so my car would have room for the new one :) Plans now made, it was off to my final campsite in the area where I would spend the last two weeks in Arizona before making the long drive east.

All went smoothly, and before I knew it I was staying in a nice little camper at a full-time homestead/part-time commune in Arkansas where I spent ten days helping with gardening, property cleanup and other tasks, experiencing the backwoods of Arkansas for the first time.

I loved the environment, Dakota made friends with the new puppy, but the ticks were absolutely wretched, the worst I had ever experienced, and for that reason alone, along with the fact I was next heading to my sister's place in Tennessee, I was excited to leave when the time came. I had now observed yet another way a rural homestead was able to financially support itself, in this case with the single owner financing her operation almost exclusively through the sale of home-made jewelry and succulents grown in her large greenhouse, surprisingly heated all winter long with a wood stove!

Seeing just how much one single person could pull off on their own, or a single couple as I had seen previously in Washington, made me realize just how much more a whole community of motivated individuals could accomplish under the right conditions, and I was yet again inspired to continue my dedicated search for the right opportunity to join or build or help build the community of my dreams, though that dream was now ever changing in form little by little as my knowledge and experience relevant to sustainable community living continued to expand.

I had a wonderful time with my sister in Tennessee and then my parents in Kentucky before heading westward once again, this time to a small, up and coming community in the high desert of northern Arizona where I planned to WWOOF for at least two weeks, but not before staying a week at another rural homestead in Arkansas, this one a small farm deep within the Ozarks.

It was now already June, and time to be off to that little community in northern Arizona, a long drive away, to a part of the state I had yet to see. I made it there just fine, and that is its own entire crazy little story - a story about the importance of listening to our inner guidance, even when doing so seems so contrary to logic:

I was truly excited about the opportunity to visit yet another community, knowing that each one had the potential of being the right one for me. As much as I was content with the camping aspect of the camping lifestyle, I was beginning to tire of the constant traveling and was increasingly ready to find a place I could settle down at. This would not be it. Upon arrival, I was surprised to immediately feel a very strong feeling that I shouldn't stay here at all, not even for the two weeks I had committed to. So I left, a bit bewildered, being I had also felt so strongly that this was to be the next important destination along this journey of mine. Two days later I was led by a feeling to check out the Bozeman Craigslist for possible paid gigs in the area, as Montana was the natural next destination for me with the heat of summer now beginning to arrive, and by that evening I had officially found myself a temporary job helping to finish construction of a tipi camp right at the foothills of the very mountains I planned to be camping in. That turned out to be a good month's worth of fun and interesting work, the money from which covered all of my expenses for my entire summer stay in Montana, before that also came to an abrupt end in unexpected ways that would in turn lead to even better opportunities from there.

I was not prepared for the way in which my 3-months at probably the best all around campsite I had yet found, in the Tobacco Root Mountains, would come to an end. I had been busy writing during this time, and making some of the most popular content I had ever made on Hive, and yet due to a months-long censorship campaign targeting myself and other independent researchers on Hive, what otherwise would have been one of my best periods for crypto earnings on the platform turned into the worst, most of my posts being zeroed out as winter quickly approached. My plan to hopefully save up enough money via crypto earnings to travel somewhere else before winter arrived in full force had been foiled, bringing me face to face once again with that lingering fear of this journey ultimately ending with me in a destitute state of homelessness. I resisted the idea that I should be forced out of my 'glamorous' camping lifestyle and onto the streets by some zealous online bullies with an aversion to truth and freedom, but I went with the flow, seeing no other viable options in sight. I had also been feeling very strongly throughout my stay up here that it was becoming time for me to be actively helping build the alternative to the matrix system now being turned into a global technocracy - by helping to build sustainable community for peace and freedom lovers - so as unprepared as I was for the storm I was now going through, I still had hope that all this was leading to an opportunity to be a part of the change I wanted to see in the world.

I at first delayed the inevitable, after making my great escape from my high elevation mountain camp just in time to avoid getting snowed in, driving away just as the rain-turning-to-snow began to arrive. There was one spot I was familiar with, the closest camping to Bozeman in fact, the same area I had first camped at two full years ago when the journey first began, and that is where I would go. That gave me two more weeks in my warm tent, including a few fun days weathering a massive early winter storm...

But then I really began to feel that I had nowhere else I could take my camp, so I packed my car, which was having serious issues at the same time, and decided to do the only thing left that I knew I could do - drive into town and begin sleeping in my car. I had just enough money to buy a new alternator, as it turns out an alternator gone bad was the source of my car problems, and replaced the broken one with the new one in the O'Reilly parking lot just as it was getting dark. Then, with at least a car in good running shape, I drove to the WalMart parking lot where I spent my first night in my car, feeling truly homeless for the first time in my life. It wasn't as bad as I had imagined, the uncomfortable sleep turned out to be the worst part and even that I somehow quickly adjusted to, and slept great on all but that very first night, sprawled across the front seats as the car was completely full with all of my camping gear and belongings. I had finally faced one of my greatest fears, and just like that, it was a fear of mine no longer. Even being homeless for a time served its purposes, chief among those leading me to a warm, dry and welcoming home where I would stay for the first half of the winter in Montana, just three hours west of Bozeman.

Desperation often leads us to think outside the box, and so I was desperately trying to think outside the box as I remained very limited by my lack of finances combined with the onset of winter. In my first three days living out of my car, I found myself responding to an ad listed on www.ic.org, a couple who said they were in the process of starting a small community in western Montana and looking for new members. A week of emailing the owner back and forth and I was invited to come for a weekend to visit, an opportunity I jumped at, but pushed back a week so I could also go to my good friend's wedding before I left the area. After just two weeks of feeling truly homeless, I was on my way to a warm bed, home cooked meal and a hot shower, and possibly the opportunity to help build community that I had been searching so long for. For those who may be interested, a much more detailed version of that story can be read in the following post: [Leap of Faith - The Power of Letting Go: A Story From My Life]

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Needless to say, that initial weekend stay turned into a week, and then after the Thanksgiving holiday I was invited to stay indefinitely, and I didn't end up leaving until another synchronistic turn of events led me to my next destination, where I've been ever since. Those three months were great, but I was finding that my hosts were not actively building a community at all, and the other family who was to be fellow community members, living there when I arrived, made the decision to leave during my stay due to relationship issues between them and the owners. I was really enjoying my stay in this beautiful area, apart from the awkward dynamic caused by the above-mentioned ordeal, but as time dragged on I began to wish I was actively participating in the building of community somehow, or the creation of new alternative ways of living, neither of which was going on here, much to my dismay. Apart from that one aspect, this place was so perfect, I loved being in a log cabin in the Montana woods, the hosts were kind and caring and didn't expect much from me, I was largely free to hike and ski and write and do whatever I wanted, I was so grateful to have a home for the moment, and I even got several opportunities to work and get paid doing some remodeling work on one of the property owner's homes in town that was soon to be rented out.

Despite the allure of staying the whole winter, as the feeling that I should be somewhere less stagnant where I could actively participate in building the 'new' slowly began to grow stronger, I in turn began to browse the internet and scout out some potential options, knowing that when I did eventually leave, I would be needing somewhere to go next and was curious what my options might be. I browsed through pages of WWOOF hosts, WorkAway listings, and looked at countless of the communities listed on ic.org. For some strange reason, all the places that really stood out to me seemed to be in the southwest, most in New Mexico. And then, as if on queu, the wife of the couple now in the process of packing up and preparing to leave, for some reason decided to show me a Facebook ad she had seen, an ad posted by some folks in New Mexico looking for new community members. Keep in mind I never go on Facebook, hadn't been on there in years at the time, and would have never have even seen this ad had this woman not shown me. Had I not been living in that house during this time when that couple was exploring their options and deciding where to move when they left, I would have never seen that ad. And had I never been cast into my previous situation of homelessness, I likely would have never stumbled across the ad that brought me to that house.

But there I was, and something about the picture featured on this ad seemed to be calling me. I decided to respond, at this point still having no serious intention of leaving my current, comfortable situation, at least not until winter began to fade into spring. I was sent a questionnaire, how ridiculous I thought, and almost didn't fill it out. I just wanted to network with like-minded freedom people actively taking steps to 'exit and build', and these looked like such folks. But after a while, I decided to go ahead and send over some answers, just to see if they would even want to talk. They did, and I was invited for a two-week 'trial' stay, and after a number of days of thought, prayer and contemplation, it felt right and I made the decision to make the long drive down. After all, it turns out that the price of Hive spiked at $3 shortly after arriving to the cabin in western Montana, and I cashed out 400 Hive for nearly $1,200! It was as if the Universe was compensating me for the hundreds in 'stolen' rewards over the past months, and that blessing ensured that I had plenty of money to cover my expenses for the whole three months at the cabin, plus the long drive down to New Mexico and then my first month at my next new place...

Upon my arrival to the small community, I got the same feeling I had now felt several times before, that 'this is it - this is what I've been looking for!' - much the same as I felt when I got to the commune in California and much more recently the cabin I had just left in western Montana. That feeling hadn't been wrong before, those other places just hadn't been the right 'forever' places for me, but they were each right where I needed to be for however long that was, until the day they weren't anymore. I nonetheless held high hopes that this was different, and maybe, just maybe this is where at least the traveling aspect of my journey would come to and 'end' and I would finally settle down. I was stoked to be able to get busy putting my body, skills and knowledge to work actively helping to build a new, more sustainable system, and it quickly began to feel like the perfect fit. I moved into an empty yurt, and began to help out around the property as I got a feel for how things worked here.

I also quickly began to learn a whole host of new skills and techniques as my knowledge about community living, sustainability, and gardening was further expanded, particularly in regards to high desert living. My experience raising chickens in Montana came in handy as the folks here had been planning to get chickens and just didn't know where to start, so I built a chicken coop among many other projects, and took care of the baby chicks in a make-shift brooder in my yurt until they were old enough to be transferred to their permanent home in the coop. I was able to help integrate some of what I had learned during my time at the commune in California, including the use of spent coffee grounds (obtained for free from any Starbucks) in the composting toilets as well as food rescue as a means of supplementing the food supply and cutting on food costs. I began to learn all about rainwater catchment systems, and the importance of saving water by any and all means in a dry, desert climate like the one here, and was able to set up a rainwater catchment system at my yurt. I also eventually saw firsthand that the amount of rainwater that can be caught in even the driest of climates is rarely limited by the amount of rainfall in a given year, but rather by the size of the catchment container(s) - even the limited rainfall of the desert can supply a homestead with plenty of water, so long as it has a means of catching it all. Large cisterns are a necessity for any homestead or community seeking to be self sustainable in a dry, desert climate.

This and so much more have I learned in my few short months here, as I have witnessed first hand once again how community can work, as well as some of the common pitfalls to be avoided in order for such an alternative operation to thrive and ultimately be a success. My first three months here were super busy, productive and all around really awesome, though I have no doubt I was over-working myself - I think I must have been subconsciously trying to 'make up for lost time', as I was finally able to start doing what I had wished for months I was already doing. About a month into my stay, right as my money began to dry up again, I was even given a $100 weekly stipend to cover the cost of food and gas so that I could continue to focus all of my time and energy on work for the community without also worrying about looking for a part-time job or other source of income. So that is exactly what I did - poured practically all of my time and nearly every last drop of energy into the community, doing lots and lots and lots of work. The timing, in regards to precisely when I was offered the stipend, as always, was perfect; right when I was running out of cash and my future looked truly financially bleak indeed, there was just enough money to keep me going.

Inevitably I got burnt out, along with the others here who had also been working like crazy for three months straight as well. It was fun, and fulfilling, getting so much done in such a short period of time, but it wasn't sustainable to work this much endlessly, and so, after all sitting down one day and having a talk about how we needed to take it a bit easier to preserve our sanity, I spent the next four months trying to find the right balance between community work and personal 'free time' while remaining very much focused on life and work in the community. At the same time, the cost of food, gas, and most everything else skyrocketed. Suddenly what $100 could buy a week ago was noticeably more than what it could now buy this week, and this trend continued as the cost of living continued to rise. Nonetheless, I always had at least just enough money to meet my needs and pay my bills (at this point only phone and car insurance), so I wasn't particularly worried about my financial situation, though more money would have been nice at times. If there's anything this journey had taught me, it is to no worry about money as long as there's still enough money there. And there always was, even if it was tight at times, and so I didn't worry. This choice to think nothing of my own personal financial 'security' may have sealed my

I did eventually begin to seriously consider the need to find a source of supplemental income, but I still felt way too busy to be embarking on any sort of new business startup, as I know from experience that starting any new business can itself quite easily become its own full time job! Several ideas on how I could eventually create an income stream by working here on the property came to mind, and I began to think about the best way to actually begin putting those ideas into action. Still, despite making a conscious effort to limit my work to a reasonable amount that didn't feel overwhelming, I was still struggling to find enough time to write, or meditate, let alone focus on starting a new a business endeavor. And so while these four months weren't quite as busy or stressful as my first three months here, they were still full of plenty of hectic times, as we had now also begun to host WWOOFERS ourselves, and quickly learned just how much work managing temporary workers can be.

Although it would take some time, I was beginning to see a path towards eventually making myself (and the community) some decent income with woodworking projects, as there is no shortage of wood around here that can be turned into high end furniture and what not, and I've always enjoyed working with wood since I was as young as I can remember, and have over the course of my life become fairly skilled in this regard as well. It would take quite some time to reach the point of actually making money, I felt, but it could be done, and I was hopeful about the possibility. At the same time, however, I was still in the process of trying to find the right balance between work and play, a balance that would be healthy for both myself and the community, as I was also quite aware that that weekly stipend I was relying upon for my survival was entirely dependent upon my working full time for the community. How could I best manage to work 'full time', and also make enough personal time for me (and Dakota), while also attempting to seed a new stream of income? Or maybe I could manage to survive on a bit less cash each week, in which case I could put at least one extra day per week towards this potential woodworking endeavor while receiving an adjusted stipend of less dollars? These are the types of questions I was asking myself at this time as life continued on, but before getting any clear answers, my life would take another drastic change of direction, this time from the nonstop work environment I had become accustomed to, to the opposite extreme of being entirely bedridden.

I fell ill, and at first didn't think much of it; after all, I've been sick enough times to know it isn't the end of the world. This time would be different, however, and at times almost felt like the end of the world - or the end of mine at least :) What started as a seemingly common seasonal illness turned into one of the most difficult experiences of my life, as, upon recovering from the initial illness, I was left with extreme muscle fatigue, brain fog, and the absolute inability to do just about anything at all - and this dragged on and on and on... I concluded that I must have had Covid, as I was now stuck with terrible 'long covid' symptoms that were debilitating. And this was my state for the entire month of September. There were times I thought I was getting better, and times I thought I might never get better, but what I didn't have was the ability to be an active part of the community. And after 5 months of a life focused almost exclusively on the community life here, being unable to do practically anything was almost too much to bear. I was physically here, but I was beginning to feel less and less a part of the community, naturally, as I was spending most of my time resting, instead of being involved with everything going on around here. Not to mention that after a month of not working, translating to four weeks without that weekly stipend, I was flat broke, and still unable to do most any physical labor at all, though I did finally begin to truly recover from this sad state, at the very end of September, but even that has been a very slow recovery and I am yet nowhere near 100%. I can finally function just fine again, and my mind is back, but I still must limit most any physical labor to just a few minutes a day - I can finally carry a 5 gallon water jug across the property again without a relapse, but I can only do it once in a day; I may be able to split wood again, but only one or two logs before my muscles begin to ache and I can hear my body screaming at me to rest, or else I'll regret I didn't listen and stop.

And that's where I currently find myself, happy to be finally recovering, but still far from being able to do any kind of full time work around the property - meaning no stipend for the foreseeable future, and a month's worth of life under a deep fog that I'm still trying to process. All I know for certain is that it's October again, for the third time since I embarked on this journey, and much like the last three Octobers, this one finds me at a major crossroads yet again. Is this where I am supposed to be for the foreseeable future, or have I accomplished my purpose for being brought here and is it time to be off to the next destination? If this is where I'm meant to be right now, what is the solution to my present situation? And if it might soon be time to head somewhere else, where will that be? Such are the questions I have been asking myself over the past couple of weeks as I realize this illness brought me to this crossroads, in much the same way that all of the most unpleasant adverse situations I've experienced along this journey likewise brought me to important crossroads where the trajectory of my life was ultimately shifted. That it was during this month of illness that I actually questioned for the first time since my arrival here whether this is where I was meant to be in that moment, is likely not a coincidence.

I don't believe in coincidences anymore, anyway, and if history is any indication, the fact that I did begin to question whether this was the right place for me to be for much longer, even if during a difficult period in which I probably would have asked the same question no matter where I was, is nonetheless quite possibly an indication that at some level deep within, I am aware that life is preparing me for the next major change in direction this journey may soon take, and that may well be far away from here. I don't know for sure yet, but I do know that questioning whether we are where we are supposed to be is most often a prime indicator that we're not - at least not any longer. When we are in the right place, we just know it, and there are no questions or doubts about it; and while questioning or doubting the purpose of or our place in a particular circumstance doesn't automatically mean it's not right for us, when it's a situation we've been content in for an extended period of time, such doubts and questions most often indicate an inner knowing that what had been the perfect situation until then, no longer is. This is how it has been for me time and time again on this journey, from my time at that commune in California to that cabin in the woods of western Montana. It starts with a subtle questioning, or very faint doubt, that eventually turns into a much stronger feeling that it's time to be somewhere else; at which point the Universe jumps in to point us in the right direction.

Is this exactly the process that is repeating itself again in my life in real time, or will my questions and doubts about whether this is where I'm meant to be subside? Time will tell, as it always does. If there's anything I've learned these past three years, it's that either way, there's really nothing to worry about. Looking back at how this journey has unfolded, I can't help but trust that God already has a plan in place and life's got me covered, so long as I just keep moving with her flow. Regardless of what my future holds next, my time here has been well worth it, both in regards to the amount of work I've helped to accomplish in such a short time, and the priceless skills and knowledge I have obtained through the experience. Looking back, it's been a crazy ride on a beautiful journey. And though I'm not sure I can imagine what it will look like in another three years, I am pretty sure I'll be doing just fine.